I wake up to watch the sunrise.
I go to my window, I sit, and I wait.
I watch the horizon take on that misty glow
That looks as if the air itself is fluorescent.
______________________________
The undersides of the clouds turn blood-orange,
And the birds begin to stir in their woven homes.
The great spherical light arises over the hills
And lights up the darkest corners of the world.
______________________________
That’s when it hits me.
I’m alone.
No one to light up my darkness within.
No one to hold me close and melt my steel heart.
No one to hear me weep at night.
______________________________
I imagine she’s here with me.
I tell myself it’s all fine, and today will be great,
And that someone does care.
I just need to find them.
______________________________
The sun flickers, sparks, and dies.
My body is overthrown with cold.
My room melts away,
And I fall into the dusty blackness.
______________________________
Sweating and screaming, I sit up.
Another nightmare in a vast ocean of horrors.
When will this end?
This amalgamation of terror gives my mind tremors
And shakes me down to my rusting core.
All I can do is stare at the ceiling
And slowly wait for the light of dawn.
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140,541 Literary Works • 673,413 Reviews
Can I just say I LOVE IT! Its amazing. I can totally relate to this and that's what makes it really special. The emotions and the words you have used to describe them are beautiful. I have lost a lot of sleep over my ex and if I had the talent to write like you, I would have written something like this.
My favorite line is this "No one to hold me close and melt my steel heart." Its exemplary! It shows that you have put in a lot of thought into this poem. Keep writing! I want to read more of your work!
Hi! Here for a review!
I really enjoyed this piece. It had a lot of description and wonderful diction!
Here are some of my critiques:
1. I think you should change "sunrise" into two words. It sounds smoother to me in my head as an action than a noun. It's always hard to decide between words that may or may not fit together.
2. I'm not entirely a fan of "my window". I understand you're trying to show that the character is familiar with his/her surroundings, but even though "the window" sounds more general, it can be inferred by the reader that the window is something the character is familiar with as long as you state otherwise. You don't really need to emphasize possesion.
3. "it's all fine" sounds a bit off to me. Perhaps "it'll all be okay" might suit it better?
Great job! Remember these are only suggestions, so you don't have to do them. You're work is already amazing, just a few pointers from me! As usual keep writing. Can't wait to read more from you!
Hello. I loved this writing piece so much. It gave me feelings and emotions and memories as well. I loved this. Great job!