Okay, this is 100% made up, but it's just something I wrote in school one day...
The hostile combat began on April Fools’ Day,
My most memorable day of seventh grade.
A time to captivate pranks I’d recently bought-
So I could chuckle with my class and not get caught.
My book bag was erupting with mischievous supplies
An archaic coat on top- the perfect disguise.
Prior to the morning, I had tiptoed in the class.
Not expecting students, it was completely vast.
I fractured all of the shades, and vandalized the door;
Shutting all the windows made it boiling even more.
I spray-painted the walls, assaulted every desk.
Writing on each of them, they became like the rest.
Brutally assassinating my teacher’s computer,
Gave me hope for no math lessons in the near future.
I purposely spilled melted chocolate on his creaky ole’ chair.
And stuck gum in all the calculators, every nook and cranny there!
The pencils were decapitated, streamers were thrown-
I lacerated the tests; on the floor I tossed squirrel bones!
Plucking the grade book, I seized a red crayon...
Scribbling maniacally, that was my wicked plan;
On my teacher’s family photos, I drew mustaches for fun
Then I flung them outside to melt in the scorching sun.
Grabbing live garter snakes, I propelled them in the air-
They descended rapidly, without a hiss of care.
I buttered all the markers, and glued down my teacher’s books.
My little scheme was almost done, I thought with a look.
I tore down all the banners; ripped up all the posters,
Oh, what fun this was- like a real roller-coaster!
I severed all the wires, and knocked down the ceiling tiles,
Adrenaline was racing- I could run a thousand miles!
Quickly, I looked up at my teacher’s ancient clock-
Oh, no! It was almost time! I bolted on the dot.
Students came in, laughing, smiling, or talking-
Some were sitting, some were kneeling, some were simply walking.
Ten minutes later, the class was ready to go inside the room-
I have to go! It’s finally time for my black-hearted teacher’s doom!!!!
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140,624 Literary Works • 673,566 Reviews
HAHAHA! I LOVE the poem. It sent me into fits (quiet fits, though, since people were around), but still, fits. Thumbs up!
Your rhyming is perfect and makes the poem fun to read,. I like the pranks (although I would never try them out) and I admit that I also write nasty poems about all my teachers during class. It's quite a hobby of mine.
A few things: in the first two sentences, you put the word ''day'' in the second line too. That makes it repetitive and therefore doesn't have a good effect/ I suggest you try changing the second line.
Although some of the pranks seem too much for me, you wrote this all for fun, right?
I love the sentence " My bag was erupting with mischievous supplies". You've made good use of figurative language.
Write more!
Mysticalxx
Thank you for this review!! Yes, thankfully I wrote it for fun. Since I hated my 7th grade math teacher, and he hated me, I figured I could really get back at him through a poem. If I actually did this stuff, I'd be in so much trouble!
I'm happy you liked it! I write every day, so I'll add more humorous poems since I see people like them
Have a great day and happy writing!
This is a both fun and funny poem! It put a smile on my face!
I think we can all relate to this one, who hasn't thought about completely wrecking their classroom?
All the rhymes were pretty good, except for
"Prior to the morning, I had tiptoed in the class.
Not expecting students, it was completely vast."
The "vast" part is shady here. You were probably better not using a rhyme here at all.
Maybe "Not expecting students, I could freely release gas." Fart jokes are always funny.
Other than that, there are no verses too short or too long compared to the rest, so the structure seems solid.
This was very fun and it portrayed the fantasies of many out there, including myself. All I can say is: Keep up the good work!
Hi there, Catlover211! cleverclogs here to review!
), but it needs a lot of work. Keep on writing!
I totally understand why you wrote this. I'm also guilty of writing unkind things about my teachers in school (funnily enough, it was also my 7th grade math teacher who hated me). However, that's as far as the relatable-ness (that's a word now) of this goes. I can only relate to the sentiment behind why you wrote this, not the actions of the character.
The reason for that is because I think you took this too far. It stops being relatable when you cross the line from fun but mean-spirited pranking to outright vandalism. Instead of being amused when the character pulled out the spray paint, I found myself thinking, "they sound like a punk". I understand that this is supposed to be over-the-top and mean to the teacher, but it just turns nasty instead. The only time I got a sense of intentional "over-the-top-ness", for lack of a better word, was when the live garter snakes made their appearance. I have two recommendations that you could use to fix this problem:
1. Make it so over-the-top that it's clearly sarcastic and hyperbole. Take the garter snakes, but turn them up to eleven. That way, it'll be clear that you're not a punk, and that this is really all sort of in jest. This is more along the lines of what I did when writing things about my teachers.
2. Tone it down and make the pranks funnier. I once saw something that said in regard to practical jokes, "confuse, don't abuse". Make the pranks mess with the teacher's head, instead of just spray-paint and the like. These are where the funniest pranks come from.
I think that by using either of these, it would make me identify with your character a lot more.
Now that that's out of the way, I can review the more technical aspects of this poem. Your punctuation and capitalization was on point, which is good. It frustrates me to see how many young poets don't understand the purpose of punctuation in poetry. Sometimes it's a stylistic choice, but sometimes I'm like, "just punctuate already!" Fortunately, you didn't have that problem.
As for the rhyming, most of the rhymes weren't overly forced, although there were a few that were. The squirrel bones just seemed to come out of nowhere for the sake of rhyming. After a while, though, the rhyming couplets became tiresome, like you were just trying to fill the rhyme scheme instead of writing a poem. Sometimes strict rhyme schemes can be used to good effect, especially in shorter poems, but I felt like this just dragged on too long. I'd recommend doing something to shake it up and break the pattern, so it doesn't become too repetitive.
I did like the imagery of the "decapitated pencils" and, of course, the "live garter snakes", but overall, I didn't really like this. Please don't take this personally; instead, use it to improve your skills as a writer. I think that this shows a lot of poet-ential (see what I did there?