Young Writers Society

Some Various Things I Found to be Easily Fixed Annoyances:

-"Wearing a pink and orance camo tank top, jeans, and resting upon my bed." Orange.

-"I think when I'll commit suicide so I won't have to suffer and be in continuous pain." Do you mean "I think I'll commit suicide, so I won't have to suffer and be in continuous pain"? I think that's what you meant, but I can't be sure.


The Actual Review:

If I am honest, this was somewhat difficult to read considering my past. But I'll take this as objectively as possible.

This work leans more towards emotions than anything, leaving the audience to a darkness, a sentiment between it all. Yet, at the same time, this is more of a description of an event than an actual feeling. It tells us what the narrator does, it tells us what the narrator thinks, but it scarcely ever shows us that. A good example that I'd probably show you of the show don't tell in this case is Gillian Flynn's "Sharp Objects", a book of similar topics to this one--the protagonist of that one also cuts, but never specifies why exactly. Though the audience can feel why through her interactions with other characters, her background her life. The protagonist is hollow, lifeless, and Flynn is able to display it in all its grotesque wonder. It would be interesting to see you develop it in your own show, don't tell fashion, as well.

A Word:

If this is anything but fiction, and I'm going to assume it is because I've been in this lonely phase of life before, I'd like you to stop. I won't tell you to, because I understand it's difficult, but I would like it if you did. I'm sure plenty of people would like it if you did, assuming they even know. Some pains have reasons, and others are just there because there's nothing else to feel but pain. Regardless, life is an opportunity just as much as it is a curse. I can only say I wish you all the best.

Hoping you have happier Fridays,

--EM.

This is a very scary and unnerving piece. The way everything sits forces the reader to fill in the blanks, and that allows for some imaginative freedom. This is key to creating a mysterious element in stories such as this - let the reader fill in the blanks, but not too much. You've done very well with this.

Your description is very free and unrestricted. A lot of people write about subjects like this and either avoid describing anything, or miss the emotional aspect of depression and suicide as they believe it'll trigger others. You are brave, writing something like this - many people as I mentioned are scared about triggering others and writing something too dark. You've allowed yourself to have creative freedom, which is what everyone should have without fear.

The only think I'd like to point out is this -

Dwelling, dangerous migraine sinking in.

Hey Catlover211

I don't know if you could call this a review exactly, but I felt I had to say something. It sounds like you're having a rough time right now, a really rough time, and I want you to know that you can get through this and that there are lots of ways to get help. Sometimes what people need is a friendly ear, and a friend of mine recommended 7 Cups of Tea as an online place to get some advice and talk to someone who cares. I know from personal experience that the more you need help, the harder it is to ask for it. Maybe you're so down that you feel you don't deserve help. I'm here to tell you that if you're in continuous pain, you could make a difference in someone else's life by helping them help you - after all, that's what they're there for.

I hope I'm wrong and you're doing okay, but if not, please give Cups or I'mAlive (similar) a try

Best wishes, TheDreadPirate