I tried to go to sleep,
With blood trickling down my arms,
Staining my clothing and my sheets.
I tried to go to sleep,
While sobbing as quietly as I could,
Thinking of reasons suicide is my answer.
I tried to go to sleep,
During the longest night of this pathetic life,
I lay there and felt numb.
I tried to go to sleep,
But I fell off the bed and onto the floor,
Crying out harder at the cuts and bruises hurting.
I tried to go to sleep,
I stopped taking in air,
But something made me breathe again.
I tried to go to sleep,
And one day I will eternally,
As an escape from this world I cannot take anymore.
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139,920 Literary Works • 672,745 Reviews
Well done for expressing these kinds of feelings because there are few people in society who are actually willing to be truthful about things. This poem is refreshing in the sense that it is honest and that it tells of a painful reality. Everyone has their troubles, but it never seems that way because so many choose to pretend that it's all okay. I found it hard for a while because I felt like I was the only one who was struggling, and that everyone else was able to keep going. That felt horrible, so I wrote poetry to get out the feelings, and now I'm happier again. Poetry is a really good way of letting your emotions flow without people criticising you for it.
Well done for writing this because it has such a deep element to it and it really touched me. Great work!
Thank you for commenting. I'm glad you liked it! Have a beautiful day!
Hey!! It's Mahvash here. Hope you are doing fine. This poem is very emotional as you tried to sleep but the cuts and bruises don't let you sleep. The flow of emotions is good and it truly depicts your feelings. I really felt this poem from the bottom of my heart. It's amazing. You can also split it into stanzas so it would look more beautiful. Anyways, you should not punish yourself. Life is the name of shocks you should be brave enough to undergo these types of situations. Face life bravely.
You are a good writer
Thank you! I usually write things like this at two in the morning, just call it my Night Time Thinking and turn it into something creative. Thank you for the compliments!
Welcome pretty
This is Yams here for a review!
There are no stanzas in this poem so it would be cool if you put them in to see where each stanza begins and ends.
I felt like you used commas where they didn't need to be or where there should've been some sort of other punctuation. It messes up the flow of the poem and some of these lines are better read without a comma and or a breath of air.
For example, if you take out the comma after "sleep" it flows easier and sounds better in my opinion.
"I tried to go to sleep
with blood trickling down my arms,
staining my clothing and my sheets."
It actually gets quite repetitive after awhile, the pattern goes, "Comma, comma, period." and I don't know if you noticed that or not but it would be nice to see some variety instead of swallowing the same line structure over and over again.
I feel like you could've done more with the 'sleep' aspect of it. About the frustration of not going to sleep instead of just being sad? The only thing you really mention sleep with is the line, "I tried to go to sleep", and all of the other lines talk about self-harm and sadness.
Note: Self-harm does absolutely nothing but harm yourself. You're not going to stop if you actually do self-harm yourself, though. What about other people who care about you? Have you ever considered how they would react if you died or got hurt? There are people who care about you, think of them too. Also, cutting your arms could be fatal as the wrists are sensitive. Just don't do it at all. You're not helping yourself by hurting yourself. There are other ways out.
Thank you for your concerns about this poem. I appreciate it. Have a nice day!
Top of the morning, NympheaLily here!
This speaks to me on so many levels. And no, I'm not just saying this so I can relate. Unlike some other people who 'think' they know this feeling, I actually do. I've had a friend who was starving herself and cutting herself. I tried everything I could, but she just kept getting more depressed. Finally, she came to me and handed me a piece of paper. It was a story she'd written about how she was feeling and what she was doing.
I in return wrote her a sequel. She was making herself do all different kinds of things, like cut and make herself puke. I saved her from killing herself by writing her a story. And now, she's healthy and she hasn't been cutting for over a year.
It's okay if you want to get your frustrations about life out over writing. That what writing is about. If we didn't have feeling intertwining with our writing, then it would be a pretty boring piece of literature. This poem is beautiful and vividly written. It describes the feeling deep inside you and I admire it for that.
Although I personally have never self harmed, I have suffered with sleep loss because of what people say. I love this poem because it speaks truth.
Whew! That was long, but thanks for bearing with me. And as always, KEEP THOSE FINGERS TYPING!
Ciao!
~NympheaLily
Okay I am totally following you. That story you just shared with me about your friend...wow. It's very inspirational to know there are good people out there who care about their friends. Thank you for telling me this.
*slams follow button with the up-most confidence*