There is no freedom in isolation-
Solitary confinement I see.
All alone across the nation,
Last human left, drives me crazy.
==========================
It seems near impossible, but it's not
I'm the last person forever and ere.
Figuring out what happened, I forgot-
No purpose for me- here or there.
===========================
Shriveling up; wasting my life away,
Doing whatever I want to do-
Alas, the end of every night and day
I wish someone was there, like you.
============================
But that won't change, I have escaped
From the bars of a prison cell-
And the guily thoughts- my mind they chafe
Treating me not quite so well.
=============================
Because there is no freedom in isolation!
Solitary confinement, too
As I spend my life alone forever
I die by the burdened moon
=============================
~Epilogue~
There is no freedom in isolation
Breathing my last faint breath
I know my eternal destination
And that is a suicidal death
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139,920 Literary Works • 672,745 Reviews
Hey there again Catlover211! The Silent Bagpipe here to review some of your amazing (wow) work!
Ok first off let me just say - WOW.
I read your first poem and loved it, it was cool and unique. Now let me just say once more Wow. This poem has just turned into my new favorite written by you, you have quite some talent! A lot more than me xD
Okay onto the actual review - your pattern was very well put together and from the looks of it you spent some time with this one! Everything was so well written, and so well put together it was like something people would put in a book! Great job!
My favorite lines of yours were -
"Shriveling up; wasting my life away,
Doing whatever I want to do-
Alas, the end of every night and day
I wish someone was there, like you."
Great job once again!
Your new found friend,
The Silent Bagpipe
Thank you!!!
I noticed you said Wow three times, and I'm so happy you love it!! I got the title name from a topic my classmate (back in school) was talking about- 'There Is No Freedom In Isolation'. That inspired me, and I am so thankful I wrote it down because later it turned into a poem!
As you can see, I let my mind wander... a lot.
Thank you for all the compliments! I spend a lot of time editing because I want readers to like my work. And from the looks of it, another happy writer! I'm sure you will have other 'new favorite's because I plan on posting more and more poems.
You're so nice and sweet! I'm glad we've been chatting- it's saving me from boredom and watching mindless television, and very fun to talk to someone like you. I'll be sure to read more of your work, and always check out new posts from you!!
Your kitty-loving friend,
Em
Hey hey !
First off, welcome to YWS! By the looks of this poem there is no doubt you will fit in! This website is unique in allowing anyone to express how they feel through the art of writing, and whether you share your true emotions through your writing or feelings you have just thought up. I have no doubt that they will be beautiful!
So, anyways, you have reviewed a couple of my poems and your comments were so sweet and nice so I thought that I would review some of yours and also subscribe so I ca read more . Anyways, know that I have all of that stuff out of the way and am done talking about stuff other than your poem how about I shut up and start reviewing .
Okay, so I have to admit that this poem was a little depressing, but might I add that depressing is not bad. I think that you have shown us quite a lt through this poem and I really like the mood of it. It's a little more serious, a little deeper, that a "normal" out of the blue sort of poem. (I put quotes around normal because no poem is actually normal, it's unique in its own way). So, yeah, I believe that you have managed to put not only a message together but also a mood that really makes this poem unique.
One message I got from this book is to be thankful. Yes, I know, depressing poems are supposed to do other things, but to be honest not this one. I think that this story has managed to become a story being told about how you would be thankful for friends, family, and people in general. While some people may be feeling down because they don't have as many friends as they want or need, this poem sets the straight. Even one person can make a persons day bland. One person can set some free from solitude. So, this poem made me thankful.
I love the rhyming, ad I know that some people think that rhyming isn't necassary, and I agree I that to a certain level. But at the same time I like some rhyming... As long as it fits, does t sound forced, and adds a rhythm. So, your poem pasta the test! It was superb!
The only suggestion I have for you, and I want to emphasize suggestion, is about your line spacing. When I first joined this site I had no idea that I could switch they line spacing to single space. I think that if you changed yor lines to single space if would look more like a stanza and less like a separated line. I'm not gonna blame this on you, because you probably don't know... Any way, to get single space all you have to do is hit 'control' 'enter'. Hope that helps .
Well, I loved your peice and I can't wait for more! Keep writing, you had insane talent!
Stay classy and write on.
-Annaclare
Hey there, Catlover! Pardon if I repeat anything the reviewers below me have said; I haven't read their reviews.
I have one major critique about this poem, so pardon me again if I make it front and center: Your rhyming.
Rhyming is something that a lot of people use in poetry. (Why? I don't know. I mainly write free-verse.) A lot of the time, it serves to strengthen the image or weight of the poem, or even of a singular poetic line, so it hits the reader like a punch to the gut. It can show a lot of things, like a speaker's mental state or vocabulary, or create a delightful image for the reader.
So, why do I bring this up? To be frank, your rhyming is a forced failure.
One of the hazards with writing rhyming poetry is that you write yourself into a sing-song rut, and that's certainly happened with this poem. None of the imagery really has any weight to me, where there's an image at all, because the words at the ends of lines are haphazardly picked and placed for the sake of rhyming.
Don't rhyme for the sake of rhyme. Rhyme because it fits the poem, because it fits the style, because it fits the form. Rhyme because it fits the imagery and the message you're trying to communicate. But under no circumstances should you, when writing a rhyming poem, try to fit words in that don't match the flow simply because they rhyme.
Ultimately, that's where forced rhyming hurts you: In the flow. With the syllable counts altered due to forcing the rhyme, the poem becomes stilted, more painful to read through. It destroys your meter and how the reader is perceiving the poem, so it really just hurts you in the end.
That's not to say that all rhyming poetry is bad; simply to say that this poem could use some heavy-handed editing to pare down the words that don't fit and replace them with words that have actual weight.
In addition, your flow is somewhat wrecked by the fact that this poem is a giant wall of text. There's very little punctuation to break the ideas up, so as the reader, I got incredibly confused and it was difficult for me to read on when one sentence flowed into the next. I'll repeat, I'm primarily a free-verse poet, so I'm used to writing and reading poetry that doesn't necessarily follow standard forms, but your poem should serve some kind of function: Communication.
If I can't understand what your poem is trying to communicate, then the poem isn't doing its job. If I have to work for the meaning of the poem, or the meaning of the poem is handed to me on a silver platter, then the poet isn't doing their job. You shouldn't make the reader work, but you shouldn't spoon-feed them everything, either. Find a happy medium and write from there.
Overall, I don't think this was the worst poem I ever read. Certainly has some potential, but could use some very sincere editing, and probably a friend's eye to look at it and help with proofreading. Keep writing!
I'm sorry you didn't like it... Maybe I should revise it since not many others enjoy it. I often rhyme with poetry, and rarely do freestyle. But when I'm writing a poem, most of the time I rhyme as I'm writing and then go back to see if it fits.
I take it you're displeased, so sorry again that it was bad. I am new at this- been here two days- so I'll try to improve.
It's fine to be new, and it's fine for poems to be bad! Most of my old poetry is set to private because of how badly it sucked, and the worst of it never made it on this site
One of the things you're going to have to work through is what I called "newbie syndrome". It's when every idea is a masterpiece, and every rhyme is perfect, but oh I'm not that great, and then you post it and wait for praise -- trust me, it happens to all of us. It's also where a lot of the rhyming comes from, I've found.
Not to mention, this poem isn't bad because it's a rhyming poem; it's bad because of the rhymes you used. If you go through again, I'd recommend worrying more about the flow of the poem (try saying it out loud!) than the rhyming.
In addition, with saying it out loud, you can often find spots where you can add punctuation! If you pause at a spot for a particularly long time, you can add a comma, a period, a semicolon, anything to make that pause obvious to the reader. Punctuation is how you guide your reader through the piece, and don't forget it.
And last but not least, welcome to the site! <3
Thank you. I know, I hardly share my poetry (especially the sad or personal ones) with others, so I definitely have newbie syndrome.
I've gotten praise and I've gotten criticism, but I'm getting used to it a little more now. This whole "review" thing is very fun!!
Hey, yo, Catlover211! Strange here on this fantastic Review Day and I have a review for you!
First of all, welcome to YWS! This is a great website, and I hope you enjoy your stay. Note that there are a lot of poets on here (myself included), so you'll fit right in. This was an interesting poem about a common topic, which is isolation. Though I didn't think this was the most cliched work there is, there is a glaring technical problem that made me re-read this piece about five times before I got a good understanding.
First off, the topic isn't anything really new. Poets talk about isolation a lot, but it's not as bad as true love. There is an abundance of that. You didn't go for the obvious things people always poke at, whether it would be this "great big world" or things like that. Instead, it seemed like you backed off from attacking those things. For example, I really dig the last line, but it doesn't recover some problems that this has.
It is just a long stream of thought.
A handful of poets believe "punctuation and capitalization is always needed", which it isn't. People are just sticklers. However, I'm not talking about you capitalizing every time you hit enter, I'm talking about the lack of a period.
You have multiple streams going at once. In poetry, for it to be fluent, you start one thought and end it before you start the next one. This has a lack of periods, so what this does is start one thought and never end it before you start the next one. In a sense, you're flooding my mind trying to keep track of what you're talking about. That's the last thing a poem should do.
That unfortunately dampens the poem to the point where it can't reach full potential. Which sucks, because this does have quite a bit of potential. Another problem I did have with this is that you talked about solitary confinement and that's too simple for a great comparison. Probably something odd would make it better. Other than that, it was an okay poem. I'm sorry for this short review but I lost track of what points I want to touch upon.
Good job, keep writing, and stay groovy!
I'm sorry you didn't like it, but there is a reason why I didn't put periods at the end of the lines. It's in the view of an escaped prisoner- just something I wanted to write about.
I take it all you have is criticisms. Well, that's just something I'll have to face as a writer. Look, this is just one of the two poems I posted today, not to mention the other 45 I still have left to post if I want to.
I don't know how you found so many problems. It's just a poem. A random topic, written as a poem. But I might as well say, "thanks anyways for your 'consideration' and 'negative comments'. I'll see if I can somehow improve it to get less misunderstandings..."
Think again!
Could you please be more specific? Do you like this or not?
Oh my oh my oh my.....Have you been watching The Omega Man? I am Legend maybe? Both are good movies even if they are basically the same story. Charlton Heston or Will Smith? I really don't think it is fair to say who is better. They are both "legends". I get the crushing sense of loneliness while reading this. All alone in the world? Might as well be solitary confinement. As you become more lonely, even though you are not in an enclosed space, you might as well become an enclosed space as your mind slowly descends into the madness that is longing for someone to touch or see or speak to. Maybe try adding a lovable pooch to the picture?
I really hear the tone of this. Like I said above it really shows everything we know about loneliness and how it is like a cancer that eats away at your body and soul. I did not find anything grammatical to criticize, but I encourage you to strengthen this. Instead of it being read like someone is saying all of this to someone, you can make the speaker the person who is feeling all of this. Not "You" but "I". Anyway I really enjoyed this.
Thank you for replying!
Actually, I have not been watching any movies, nor do I watch movies at all.
You said you get the crushing sense of loneliness while reading this... Well, that's pretty much how I felt. The first line and title came from a smart classmate of mine, back in school. He was talking about isolation and all, and that just struck me. So the loneliness is supposed to come off if the reader knows why I wrote this poem.
The second to the last line in your first paragraph is something I agree with. My summer gets depressing at times, so in truth I write about depression, being alone, and other topics I feel strongly about.
I'm so glad you really do hear the tone of my poem. I will strengthen this as best as I can. Thank you for that encouragement. I'm always looking for ways to improve my writing.
Again, thank you for reading this and taking the time to reply.
It's okay that you don't watch movies. Omega Man and I am Legend are two movies (actually both based off of books) about a man who thinks that he is the last person on earth. And I am sorry that your summer gets depressing. I hope it improves for you;)
Thank you for caring! I'm surprised books have been made about that; I didn't know about it. It was just freestyle writing that I edited and turned into a poem. Happy writing!