It's so HOT in the summer,
Making us melt- what a bummer!
Ice cream says hello-
Fireplaces got to go-
The heat must make me dumber!
*
It's so HOT when the Sun's out,
"Cool me down!" I just have to shout.
Oh no I will be scorched,
Like a human torch-
Oh, why is there no clouds?
*
It's so HOT when it doesn't rain,
Sweating buckets causes so much strain!
My clothes are all damp-
Close the blinds, turn off that lamp,
The heat's making me dizzy with pain!
*
It's so HOT when you've nothing to do,
Lying around feeling melancholy too.
Feeling so lazy,
Room's turning hazy,
Want to dine on ice cream, don't you?
*
It's so HOT when winter's past,
You long just to have the snow last.
Doesn't matter with the cold,
The snowflakes are like gold!
Just keep summer away, and do it fast!
*
It's so HOT when- wait a minute, freeze-
Do you not feel that sweet autumn breeze?
Since summer's finally gone,
I shall end this song
Can't wait for fall to begin, please!
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139,281 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
Hi again, Catlover211! cleverclogs here to review!
I was totally going to review this for the July Review Day, but for whatever reason I was like, "nah, nevermind" and walked away from it. Well, now I feel like I can still give you some useful feedback despite the existing reviews on this poem, so here we go!
As you know, I'm a follower of your poetry. After reading so many of your poems, I've noticed that the key to all of your best works is relatable-ness (totally a word). Whether it's being able to identify with hating a teacher, or loving cats, you tend to excel at writing things that make people go, "I know that feel, bro". This poem is no exception. However, as much I can relate to the hatred of heat (I like my room as cold as my heart), sometimes the mistakes in this poem become a problem, and that's what I'm here to help with.
Imma start with some random lines.
???
What is this supposed to mean? I'm seriously at a loss here. I feel like with this line, rhyming was the priority and actually making sense was an afterthought.
Rewrite like this for the grammarz.
Better, no?
The "Oh no" either needs punctuation after it (comma or exclamation point), or it needs to be removed. It sounds a bit too dramatic, I think.
Now there's an interesting visual. This isn't a critique, but I just really liked the mental image that this line gave me.
Again: ???
This line makes me think of the hokey pokey, and the exclamation point certainly doesn't help matters. To quote myself:
I feel like with this line, rhyming was the priority and actually making sense was an afterthought.
Instead of using the "about" to rhyme, I'd say, "why aren't there any clouds?" or something to that effect. It would make more sense and still rhyme.
There seems to be a trend of the last lines of stanzas not making sense. "Winterlane" is just random. It would make sense if it were a cultural reference or something, like "Santa Claus Lane", but it's not. I'd recommend rethinking this line.
Again, randomness. Why do I have to cheer up? The narrator of this poem has spent the last three stanzas complaining about the summer, so why are they being hypocritical and telling me to cheer up? Either I'm right, and these lines don't really make sense, or I'm very stupid and I should probably stop reviewing now. But I'd hate to have a half finished review, so I'll go with the first explanation. Can you please try to clear these lines up?
That's about it in terms of individual lines to pull out and nitpick. Onto more general problems.
I think that your main problem is that you let the rhyming get in the way of the poem. That's why a lot of lines didn't make sense to me, because they were trying to satisfy the rhyme scheme. I like rhyming as much as the next person, as long as it impacts the poem positively and not negatively. Your number one thing to work on is making your rhymes more natural.
Overall, though, I did like how I can relate to almost everything in this poem. I hate the heat. It's oppressive, it makes it hard to sleep, and it makes me want to take multiple showers a day. It's so frustrating to be sweating your butt off on a 90-degree-in-the-shade day and hear people talking about what a beautiful day it is. I'm glad I'm not alone, and I did enjoy reading this and laughing at all these things that I know about all too well. I just think that it needs some work. Keep on writing!
Haha! I love this poem. It has a sense of ........shall we say, innocence and childishness in it. Not that you are childish. I like this sense.
I'm just a bit confused. Why would you wish you were a plumber, like you say in the first stanza? Just wondering.
Aside from that, I completely agree with this poem. I hate summers.
Keep it up!
Mysticalxx
Hi!
Anon5 here to review your poem.
Before all else, I would like to pat you on the back and say: good job. You've written a poem! And not everyone can do that. So thank God for you and people like you. Now, I usually like to review works by listing what I like and think could use some change. So here we go!
Likes:
1. I like the childishness of this. Of course, this does not mean that you are childish. It just means that your tone portrays a sense of innocence. I am not sure if that was intentional, but I am absolutely sure that such a tone fits the poem.
2. It's always nice to look at a balanced poem, despite its content. The way you organised your poem is admirable. It's simple, sweet and predictable. People like being able to predict things. Thus, you create an automatic bond with your readers by organising your poem this way.
3. "It's so HOT when the Sun's out,
Cool me down! I just have to shout.
Oh no I will be scorched,
Like a human torch-
I wonder what heat is all about!"
This is my favourite part. I think it's quite humorous, tells us a lot about the speaker and, believe it or not, is relatable.
Things you may want to reconsider:
1. Yes, sometimes it is nice to capitalise letters in poems to create an effect. However, it does NOT mean that you must do so randomly. I think this specific poem should not contain any such random capitalisations as it is direct and not meant to symbolise much or convey a deep message. It is created as a form of blunt, humorous expression.
2. Why the asterisks? The poem is organised in a way that makes it obvious to the reader when they should pause or keep going. You don't need the asterisks.
That's it for now!
Good job. Keep writing.
Best,
Anon5
Hello again it's the marvelous Kat here to write you a fine review
Excuse typos , it's 1 am and I'm using an iPhone so ... Chill .
Anyways , this was really adorable . Nice job keeping with the rhyme scheme and everything . Though , the rhyming in the last stanza was a bit strained at best . I'd consider revising that . Also , watch out for flow it can distract from the true meaning of a poem . Other than that this didn't really have any problems and was very laughable ! Gosh , don't remind me of the heart ... I have to be out in it all August long !
Thanks ~
Kat
Heat* see told you . Shhhh there may be more typos ><
Love the humor in this! <3
Thank you! I hoped it would be funny to the viewers!!
Hey hey!
So, I really like the spontaneous attribute of this poem, while all of it did not make sense I don't think it needed to. This was supposed to be a funny and refreshing poem. I really like how I could see all of that contribute to this piece! You really do have a talent!
I think that you have managed to really make a poem more than a poem. Sometimes people just need to smile and just let loose. I think your poem symbolizes just letting loose and letting go. I think it's time to be less serious and more fun. Your poem really helps bring that mood alive and more of a reality.
While I think that this poem is quirky, I really do like it! I think that the poetry world is starting to be taken over by depressing and never ending sadness stories, and while I do like them, and am not bashing on them in any way (I hope) I really think that this is refreshing. Like a glass of ice cold water on a hot scorching summers day.
I believe that you have done a marvelous job! You honestly do have a talent and for someone who has just joined this site you are really making a voice for yourself! I can't wait to read more! Keep writing!!!
Stay classy and write on.
-Annaclare