Thunderstorm

by RoyalHighness

Published January 20, 2015

E - Everyone

In All My Poetry

rain 

makes no noise 

without something 

for it 

to hit against.

tree leaves, branches, 

grass,

roads, roofs, railings,

umbrellas, cars, 

or empty houses.

so if you're a loud thunderstorm,

what does that make me?

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
AlyssaB506
Review
AlyssaB506 wrote a review Review · Jan 22, 2015

It seems like you put deep thought and emotion into your writing, but you could be more descriptive. I suggest adding adjectives, that way your readers can visualize what is going on in your story. With a little work, I believe this poem could potentially be phenomenal! Keep writing. I would love to read more of your work!

User avatar
Snazzy
Review
Snazzy wrote a review Review · Jan 20, 2015

Hello! :)
This is a very nice poem! :) I only have a couple of nitpicks-

"rain
makes no noise
without something
for it
to hit against."

I think Rain should be capitalized.

"so if you're a loud thunderstorm,
what does that make me?"

I think you should capitalize So. :) Other than that, this is a very nice poem! :D My favorite parts are those last two lines...if you're a thunderstorm, then what DOES that make me? :D ;) Great job, and keep writing! :)
~Snazzy :)

madisonfrevert wrote a review Review · Jan 20, 2015

This is a very unique point of view...not at all what I have ever thought of when hearing a thunderstorm! I love how you ended with a question that leaves readers wondering and also reflecting on their own lives. The only possible criticism I might have is that the word "so" in the eleventh line might be unnecessary, all the same this is very nicely done!



You're a hairy, wizard!
— EllieMae