my soul has been
the color of screams
grey and sharp
like a glinting knife
or a sniper scope
on fire like a cross
above bodies
or a bus headed
for a speech
or two proud towers
staring down their fate
riddled like the walls
of churches
of schools
of theatres
of a club
and all i can hear
are screams
echoing
through our
history
matching
my own
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139,804 Literary Works • 672,771 Reviews
Hey there!!
Writer1204 here for a quick review!!
Well, can I just say how brilliant this is? I really liked the comparison between the narrator's soul and the catastrophic instances it was being compared to. I think the words simply flew out of my mind and I don't really have anything to complain about. I just think a bit more punctuation would do great, perhaps capital letters and such!
Still, the meaning behind your words was really touching, and a bit dark--which is something I absolutely love!
Really great job, RoyalHighness!!
Hope you have a nice day/night!!
Sincerely, Writer1204.
Hello!
Since I've been on YWS, this is probably the most unique poems I have read, but I really enjoyed it. It was short, easy to read, yet packed with meaning, thought and beautiful descriptions. I like how it's quite a quick poem, and the rhythm is fast-paced, and then at the end, it slows down a bit. That's really nice. I love your last few lines - they are very touching.
Maybe as a suggestion, you could try using some more punctuation. It's still a brilliant poem, but maybe some punctuation could make it even better. But remember, I still love this poem, and it's whatever you want to do that counts.
I hope to read more of your work in the future! Well done!
Your piece of poetry seems to be of good personal expression. Being personal expression, you've added sufficient emphasis to your content.
Content wise, everything looks fine. Having taken up a topic about "who you are" you've perfectly described to us about who you are. It seems you've told about how metaphorically, a very threatening or sharp character you are.
Grammar and Spelling wise, I feel you could capitalize the beginning of your poem. Being a form of personal expression, I feel this should help give your content a strong impact. Likewise capitalization of the letter "I" towards the end of your poem.
Structure wise, I think you're quite fine. You could do with splitting the content into two stanzas. That way one stanza focuses on your color of screams, while the other focuses on your soul being a bus, bombarding others. This would help give ease to readers, reading your content.
Your content is very consistent and coherent, meaning any common man will be able to understand your content, quite comfortably.
In terms of Literary Usage, you have widely used similes, adjectives, and metaphors in your writing. The use of the devices have enhanced your work, such that the content becomes very powerful to the readers.
Overall, my personal rating for you work is 3.7/5
Keep up the good work
Hey RoyalHighness! I wanted to start out by saying that this is a very interesting poem. I'm not going to sit here and tell you that there are numerous grammar issues because it's a poem. So Screw the system! I love the syntax you used when drafting your poem. It gives a unique and abrupt feeling to the work as a whole. There are a lot of contrasting ideas which I think add to the depth of the piece. It's short and sweet and that's how I like my poems. Great job and I would like to see more.
-HobbitMan222 :3
Hey RoyalHighness! I wanted to start out by saying that this is a very interesting poem. I'm not going to sit here and tell you that there are numerous grammar issues because it's a poem. So Screw the system! I love the syntax you used when drafting your poem. It gives a unique and abrupt feeling to the work as a whole. There are a lot of contrasting ideas which I think add to the depth of the piece. It's short and sweet and that's how I like my poems. Great job and I would like to see more.
-HobbitMan222 :3