A/N: Based on a true story: a teacher in my sister's class asked them what they liked to do on cruises; when a boy said, "Girls," the teacher wrote, "Scenery," on the board. The girls in the class protested, but the teacher refused to apologize. This is my response.
Scenery
I am not scenery,
but if I must be,
I am a landscape
too lovely
too vast
for a canvas.
~
I am a mountain,
immovable
insurmountable
uncompromising.
~
I am a river,
ever-flowing
moving swiftly or slowly
as I please.
~
I am an ocean,
wondrous to behold
endless and restless
lovely and dangerous.
~
I am the sky,
kissing each horizon
inexpressibly
boundless and beautiful.
~
I am a constellation,
a collection of
thousands of shining
(if broken) pieces.
~
I am a galaxy
of oddities
of thoughts and quiet
loves.
~
I am a universe
contained behind
these burning
eyes.
~
I am not scenery.
And you are not scenery.
But together, we are all
something
beyond
sight.
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139,815 Literary Works • 672,772 Reviews
Hi!
This was really quite lovely. I appreciate that you chose to react creatively to your teacher's sexist views. Creativity in reaction to bigotry often leads to art. And really, this is the best poem of yours that I've read yet.
That being said, there are still a few suggestions that I'd like to offer that would make this better.
First of all, it's quite long for a descriptive piece. If you just cut one or two stanzas, I feel like it would be the perfect length. As it is right now, I feel like I get lost in the images a little.
Try to limit your images to concrete ones. The mountain, galaxy, and universe stanzas rely a little too heavily on non-physical images that don't really create a picture in my head. To be honest, if you cut these three, that would solve the issue of the length as well as the imagery.
Your sky stanza gave me shivers.
Thank you so much for sharing this. Happy poeting!
<3
Hello CapitalMonday here for a review. i like to begin that this poem could be related to most girls out there, people thinking that they are just maids who clean the houses or someone that doesn't work or bring the money in. Also I love how you use metaphor in the beginning of each stanza then after that you describe why you are that metaphor (most poems try to do this task, yet the get some wired mistakes.)
I would suggest taking away those parenthesis since they have no meaning of being there. it would still read the same as if you were to take them out.Nitpick(s):
this stanza confuses me since i mean it would make sense you put what you are/ in my own eyes since the person sees itself through their eyes most of the time or something.
reflects to reflect
Overall, I think this poem is well-written and like i said before, could relate to many people (girls mostly) since some people look at a woman and say she has no job or something. Plus the teacher (who gave you this idea) can go suck on an egg (sorry for being harsh to the teacher).
Farewell,
CapitalMonday
What a great poem. I must say comparing someone to a scenery is.... Beautiful. I really like you writing style and if I were to rate this... Well it would get a 10/10. Of someone were to read this poem closely they could realize that everyone is special no matter who or what they are. Everyone is unique. My favorite stanza or part was the end. When you say...
That was my favorite part because you are trying to say that everyone is a somebody. At least that's what I think you are trying to say...
I didn't find nitpicks, but that's most likely because I was to focused on the poem to catch any. But okay. I'm am sure that everyone else has pointed them out and that you don't want to hear them for the 100th time.
Moving on....
I really thought this poem had...
Emotion... Emotion is something we as humans all have. We can feel happy, sad, joyful, great, etc. To me this seems like... I can't describe it really...
By the looks of it, it really looks like you put a lot of thought into this poem. Because of how beautiful it is. It really looks like it took sometime to write. How much thought did you really put into it though?
Well, I think that's it.
Write more poems.
Keep up the good writing,
Love,
Dogs
What a great poem!
The image is there, very clean, and organize. I am excited to read your next work.
I like the part
"I am a universe
Contained behind
These burning
Eyes"
And also
"I am a lake,
all that I am reflects
what you are
in your own eyes"
Its beautiful how it sounds and clean enough for the readers to understand the meaning of the poem. Likewise, it is a very great poem. I like the concept. The scenery of everything. Its like you're telling the readers of what its like to be on that place and watch the beautiful scenes in life
Your poem is amazing. I liked it very much. I can not wait to read your next writing. I wish I can learn more from you. Keep the good work on
This is awesome!
Great work!
"I am not scenery.
And you are not scenery.
But together, we are all
something
beyond
sight."
Nice ending! Love the structure.
Superb poem!
I await to read much of your work.
Wow! I'm making a call here, that this is getting on Literary Spotlight, and will be in the first position. Spectacular! Simply spectacular! I love how you portrayed girls for what they really are, from what was likely just a joke. Girls are amazing. Boys are too. We all are. Everybody has their own special qualities and unique things that make them beautiful. And this is probably by far, THE best description of what kind of beauty that is I've seen, read or heard to date. Well done, and I'll see you on the Literary Spotlight.
Your amazing love poem on the spotlight was brilliant, first of all, so to hear this from you is really special! Thank you so much; you've no idea what an improvement you've made on my day today!
I was unaware I'd even made it on the Litereary Spotlight with one of my poems. Thank you! Also, I'm glad I could help. (Loving the avatar, by the way. That's the best line in the whole movie!)
*checks* Hmm I could've sworn I saw it there, but it's gone now! >.< Either way, it deserves to be. I loved it, seriously, your diction's on point. (Also, agreed, it's my favorite line; sometimes I say that instead of saying goodbye oops!)