Etching life into a keyboard,
I cannot help but doubt
whether I'll be ignored,
whether I'll be talked about.
~
Breathing memory into a page,
I wonder if I'm good enough
in minds to never fade–
a writer in the rough.
~
Life is nothing without love,
Of course I know this to be true.
But what if I'm not good enough
To deserve love from you?
~
And Death, of course, will come for me
and when She does, I'll surely smile,
knowing that life was just a trial,
and that I will forever be
Alive and well in your memory.
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139,456 Literary Works • 672,565 Reviews
this was something good that i read after long. i liked your thoughts and your simple but distinct words.
but for the nitpicks-
"in minds to never fade–", i think the lyric here is trying to restrain you from emphasizing what you aim at. try a bunch of different words in such case lie- " fete" , " plate' and so on and try making a sensible sentence. however the real practice is to think what you want to say and then hover for words.
"and when She does, I'll surely smile,", you had already personified Death by using a capital 'd' to crown it. using another capital "s" in she is breaking the rhythm and obstructing the flow of your poem. is you write she in small letters , even then it would count as personification.
i have no more points to nitpick and this is good as i really cut the skin of the poems i read through. i apologize if i was rude, i am just a little worked out.
just one suggestion- take care of your punctuation , i don't want to point them all out when it is right before your eye. if even after looking twice you don't spot any, just let me know, i would like to point them out then,
keep writing,
Rituparna
Hello.
I really, really like your opening line:
I can't even explain why.
As for the rest of the work:
It's interesting that you've personified death as a Woman here. Why did you do that out of interest?
I am also wondering who the nameless characters are. And which identity rests in the memory of another.
This is quite a vague piece, so I feel like there is scope to make it more personal. Not necessarily a criticism: just a thought.
Keep writing.
I didn't think about the identities of the characters! I'll consider a revision. I'm a feminist, and I thought it'd be nice if Death were a woman for a change (but no fear%u2014I'm not the kind of feminist who thinks women are above men; so I guess you could say I'm more of an equalist feminist!)
Thank you for your fabulous review!
Oooh thanks. Yay, it's nice for it to be a woman for a changed. I like that choice.
I really liked it. And I will definitely talk about you! You will never be ignored by me. I loved reading it! And I don't know what to say it was really good.
Hi. Dogsrule5 here to review!
First of all this was a really good poem. It was very beautiful and poetic.
Grammar. Your grammar was good.
Spelling, was good also. Good work.
I would point out my favorite part, but I don't have one. I don't have one because all of the parts are my favorite parts, but if I did, I would tell you what part I liked the most.
Anyway, this is one of my favorite poems, I have ever read. It would make the top ten list if I had a top ten list, but I don't so... Yeah!
The point is... This was a really good poem and I hope you keep writing poems, book, and anything else you write.
Keep up the good work...
Love,
Dogsrule5
Thank you very much! That's so kind of you!
No problem.
We all have self doubt and completely understand, but you have no reason to your writing is amazing. And you can tell that this writing is truly from your heart and carries you emotion. I also love the use of punctuation not many poets can use punctuation and make it work. I love how you write, it is so true, I would love to see more work from you
Keep up the amazing writing!
Thank you so much Rain!
That really makes me feel better.
You are so welcome!
Aww! That's so sweet and thoughtful! And of course we all sympathize with you honey. Cause look my chapter3 was just stupid. And yes, we all know the feeling when something doesn't come out right. we just gotta work on it and it'll be fine. It's what being a writer is about! So wee can spot our weaknesses, albeit with the help of others, and work on those spots.
I'm not gonna rant on and spoil the page of your perfect work.
That's me signing off!!
PS: I'm waiting for chapter 18.
Thank you so much, glasses
I really appreciate your review; it really lifts my spirits!
Wow. Wow wow wow. Breathless. Literally breathless. I love how real you are. Life takes you up and down and I know you haven't been really pleased with your recent writings but I hope you're pleased with this. The rhyme scheme is great and it adds a nice lyrical yet haunting feel to the poem. I also really like that you made Death female. What a concept!
I'm so proud of you babe for working through this. Life isn't about the world remembering you but your world remembering you. And it will because your family and friends love you.
Beautiful just beautiful. 11 out of 10 darling!
Keep it up!
I love you bae literally what would I do without you <3