the smell of early twilight
of fading light and small bird-flight
back to nests for the lengthened night,
the sight of a sunset's might,
of tree-leaf delight
whose cries with the wind oft fight
and with the rain mingle tight–
yes, the smells and sights of twilight
on a warm-remembered September night
remind me of a lamplight that's departed:
I shall soon see just where we started.
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139,815 Literary Works • 672,772 Reviews
beautiful composition first of all. the description creates a good imagery and gives a feel of the moment. however i am bound to remark that the ending is sudden. A reader is left in a mist about who counts as "we"- well yes the first thought that gets is you and your lover but one would like to know the incident, like how you met and what impact it has on you. this is like a poem with slow staring where the you develop the image of a beautiful twilight then suddenly there a hint of your romanticism which halts all of a sudden. the language and development of theme is really beautiful and i would like to derive some inspiration from it. hope i was able to make my opinion clear
I really like this piece! You have beautiful imagery here. I like how well the piece flows and rhymes. The entire piece has a really nice feel to it. I like that the poem isn't too long, but you get a great image and description. It's short and has a lot of feeling. Great piece.
~Fire
Thank you so much for your review! So thoughtful, thank you!
This is simply beautiful.
The detail, imagery, and description in this is fantastically written.
The only things that bothered (you could say) me were...
These last two lines are seperate ryhming lines, not ryhming with the other lines (even though the ryhme with each other). As a non-poet, I'm not exactly sure what to say of this, but I think it's a little out of place.
Really, other than that, I thought is was just amazing.
Not much to say about this.
Great job
~ EternalRain ^.^
Wow, thank you so much for your lovely review! (For the record, there's no such thing as a non-poet and yes, those lines are out of place! I'll consider revising, though I'm not sure how...)
Hello CapitalMonday here for a review. I would first like to start out by saying i love the end rhymes of this poem, which makes it smooth also you used lower-cased letters (like e.e cummings). I also love how you use imagery throughout this poem which makes the reader smell of midnight (which most poems don't use it as proper.)
Nitpick:
whose cries with the wind oft flight I am a little confused at the stanza. I mean I get it, then again i don't (what does oft mean, is what i am trying to say here.)
Overall, this poem is well-written and also very descriptive since you can imagine the feel of the September winds on your face or even on your skin. The bird flying back to his nest after a long day of singing a song in the bushes.
This poem is amazing and I hope you continue to write these amazing poems,
Farewell,
CapitalMonday
Thank you for your review! But you misread the line; it's
As in the cries of the trees fight with the wind... It made more sense in my inner voice's narrative.Great poem! My only suggestion is to change up this line a little:
Because all the other lines end and rhyme with "ight", this confused me a bit, especially since the line actually ended with "departed", completely changing the rhyming scheme.
I loved the imagery you have here; nothing more to say.
Overall rating: 8/10
Keep writing!
+1
Thank you for your review! Yeah, I couldn't think of a better way to incorporate those two last lines, but I'm sure I'll come up with some kind of metaphysical meaning to justify it XD
I'm sure you will ^^ xP