Young Writers Society

Hey Phil (I guess that's your shortened name XD) Incoming review!

I was looking through your portfolio, looking for something to review, and once I saw this one I knew I had to review it. I love beach imagery so here I go. I'll go stanza by stanza.

When you ever go to the beach,
You never come across a leech
The sunlight as it shines on the sea,
A wonderful sight to see!

Sometimes when there's a storm,
Bigger waves will form
But when the storm clears,
An amazing sight, my dear!

To see the rising sun,
Waking early you've got to learn,
It's worth, don't you think,
To see the sun without a blink!

But please keep the beach clean,
Don't ever be so mean,
What nature has gifted us,
We must care more, not less.

Thanks for all those reviews!!!
I'll work on the tips I've been given.
I actually wrote this poem when I was 10 yrs old so the vocabulary and everything isn't perfect...
I've improved now 😅

Hello @Phillauthet
I have never been to the beach. But your poem really made me feel as if I was there itself. It's a beautiful work, I must say. And the topic is a unique one. The rhyming scheme has a great impact on the reader.
The sea, the leach, the storm ,the waves, the sun, the sand and everything else... Visualising all this was such a lovely experience!!
I am in love with the way you ended your poem. When one starts reading it, they can never imagine that a poem based on the beauty of the surroundings would end up giving a beautiful message about keeping them clean. But that was superb!! I really loved it.
Albeit, the vocabulary could have been better.
Overall your work was awesome. I enjoyed reading it.
And thank you for such a beautiful work and message.
Keep writing and good luck for future!

Hi Phil,

warm welcome to YWS - I hope you're enjoying it so far! I'm here to review your poem with a method called the Review S'more!

So starting with the First Graham Cracker - Interpretation:

I think the poem was a little clear to get 1 consistent method from. The first stanza seemed to be a reflection on the good things about the beach, the second stanza was about sometimes things being difficult like when storms come in, but then in the third stanza the conflict from stanza two gets solved by the sun, and the 4th stanza was about how we need to do our part to help preserve the good things about the beach.

There was a little bit of a problem I think with those themes feeling disconnected. 1) beach good, 2) beach not good, 3) beach good, 4) keep the beach clean. I think if you could find a way to bring some of the environmental concerns into the earlier stanza and connect how each of the first three relates a bit better it'd strengthen and clarify the poem.

Another interpretation is that the "beach" is a metaphor for life -> sometimes life is good, sometimes it's filled with storms, but we need to take care of ourselves and our bodies to keep living on.

Next part of this review is the slightly burned marshmallow -> Critiques:

As I just mentioned I think an important point of improvement would be to connect your stanza's themes a bit more to add continuity to the piece.

Another critique is the second line of the piece quite confused me and seemed a bit silly / implausible compared to the rest of the poem ->

When you ever go to the beach,

You never come across a leech

Hello there, Phillauthet! I saw you just joined YWS today, so welcome to the site. <3

Nature poetry often comes across as deep and philosophical, but this poem did a great job capturing the side to nature that other poems sometimes fail to describe: the fun side! The beach was a fun, adventurous place for me growing up. I still see it as the perfect place to go on a hot, sunny day. Part of what helped you capture that fun tone was the rhymes you used throughout the poem. Rhyming every line runs the risk of including words that don't really make sense in order to keep the rhyming scheme going, but every rhyme here matched the theme of the poem.

I love your descriptions of the more majestic sides to the beach (waves and sunrise) but my favorite part is actually this stanza:

When you ever go to the beach,

You never come across a leech

The sunlight as it shines on the sea,

A wonderful sight to see!

When you ever go to the beach,
You never come across a leech
The sunlight as it shines on the sea,
A wonderful sight to see!

Hello Phillauthet,
First off welcome to YWS! I hope you are enjoying the site so far. But that's not why I'm here. Let's get to the review shall we? This poem was a joy to read. I love the ocean too and I think you expressed it's beauty in the best way.

To see the rising sun,

Waking early you've got to learn,

It's worth, don't you think,

To see the sun without a blink!

Hi @Phillauthet! I'm here for a quick review.
It's really a beautiful piece of poetry. I love reading this, it's a wonderful poem to read. It reminds us once again how beautiful nature is and how we've been forgetting to care about it every day. This poem is quite something to read with a simple title but unforgettable words decorating the simple and intriguing title. I don't know if this is imaginative or real expressions but it is truly impressive and I don't think I have anything critisim here. I loved reading this poem and would love to read more of your writings!

Thank you for writing this!
You made my day!

Keep on writing!

Best wishes,
Chris

This poem made me laugh. However, it was not out of derision. I quite liked this poem. It reminds me of simpler times. I appreciate the unending positivity that radiates from your work. I noticed a few small grammar issues, yet they are minor and can easily be fixed.

It is a simple, focused piece that I appreciate a lot. It genuinely brought me a sense of nostalgia and joy. Please keep up the great work, as you are a talented poet and works such as this are endlessly valuable in these uncertain times.