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Teachers' Day

by Phillauthet


Sorry, but the syllable count is COMPLETELY off

Who is a teacher?
The name might suggest,
simply one who teaches,
and sets all those tests.

But there's more to teachers
than just class and test.
Part of our hearts are only for them
for they are the best of the best.

All our teachers are so special, they
teach us not to look, but to see.
We aren't taught to pick others' locks,
but to make our own lock & key.

Their mere presence inspires us
to do what we never thought we could.
They urge us to try some things, which
without them, we never would.

They teach us to ask; go on that
endless quest of curiosity.
They teach us to stand & speak,
and to exhibit equanimity.

They have teacherly instinct, prominent
as one that is predatory.
They show us what's acceptable, what's not,
and what is mandatory.

They are part and parcel of our lives.
In childhood, a necessity.
They've taught us never to deem ourselves
only worthy of inferiority.

We may make a million mistakes
but they correct us, ever patient.
Thank you for all you have done for us,
For YOU are those teachers, strong and radiant.


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Points: 12
Reviews: 5

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Mon Sep 06, 2021 10:33 pm
Apehdavid2 says...



[But there's more to teachers
than just class and test.
Part of our hearts are only for them
for they are the best of the best.]

I love how this points out the special relationship one has with a teacher not like parents or siblings; but one that's unique.

[All our teachers are so special, they
teach us not to look, but to see.
We aren't taught to pick others' locks,
but to make our own lock & key.]

Love this metaphor, I take this as 'were taught to find our own answer' (And not cheating l I loved this poem! ❤




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Points: 12
Reviews: 5

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Mon Sep 06, 2021 10:33 pm
Apehdavid2 wrote a review...



[But there's more to teachers
than just class and test.
Part of our hearts are only for them
for they are the best of the best.]

I love how this points out the special relationship one has with a teacher not like parents or siblings; but one that's unique.

[All our teachers are so special, they
teach us not to look, but to see.
We aren't taught to pick others' locks,
but to make our own lock & key.]

Love this metaphor, I take this as 'were taught to find our own answer' (And not cheating l I loved this poem! ❤




Phillauthet says...


Thanks!



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Sun Sep 05, 2021 3:46 pm
FireEyes wrote a review...



Hey Phillauthet! Incoming review!

Ah yes teachers. I'm glad you made a poem praising them because we all have those "horrible teacher" stories and we need to focus on the good teachers we had. With that out of the way lets get on with the review!

I guess I'll start out with critiques.

But there's more to teachers
than just class and test.
Part of our hearts are only for them
for they are the best of the best.
I think the use of "test" for the rhyme is redundant because it was previously used for a rhyme in the first stanza. You could change either one with using words like, "blessed," "stressed," or "expressed." They could give more to the great poem you already have.

Their mere presence inspires us
to do what we never thought we could.
They urge us to try some things, which
without them, we never would.
This is always a point of controversy in all types of writing, rhyming "should" with "could" with "would." Personally, I find it to look lazy, but there's nothing inherently wrong with it.

endless quest of curiosity.
They teach us to stand & speak,
and to exhibit equanimity.
You have really strong rhymes in all your other stanzas, but curiosity and equanimity don't really go all together. I would have changed equanimity to something along the lines of, "And saved us from atrocity." You can still keep it because in writing, especially songwriting, you can really push the boundaries about what does and does not rhyme.

But that's it for critiques, let me praise your work.

We may make a million mistakes
but they correct us, ever patient.
Thank you for all you have done for us,
For YOU are those teachers, strong and radiant.
This last stanza brings me back to my favourite teachers and the impact they had on me. And teachers really are strong, but we never describe them as radiant and we should do that more. I dunno this is just such a happy ending I'm not used to reviewing lol.

I also think your syllable count isn't as off as you said it was. I can read each stanza at a pace where its rhythmic and the "down beat" per se is on the last word of the line. But for the overall message, it was beautiful. It makes me want to thank my teachers from the past.

But that's all I have for today. I hope you found some of it useful! It's great to see love for teachers in writing, now we just need great teachers in mainstream novels. I love your writing, so keep on doin that! Anyway byeeeeeee<3

Image




Phillauthet says...


Thanks for reviewing!
The redundancy of 'test' was actually intentional, but I'll change it if it doesn't seem to give the effect I expected.



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Sun Sep 05, 2021 1:59 pm
HikariHateke wrote a review...



Hey kari leaving ya a review!

Your teacher is going to love this poem its so Beautiful! I love how well it flows!

[But there's more to teachers
than just class and test.
Part of our hearts are only for them
for they are the best of the best.]

I love how this points out the special relationship one has with a teacher not like parents or siblings; but one that's unique.

[All our teachers are so special, they
teach us not to look, but to see.
We aren't taught to pick others' locks,
but to make our own lock & key.]

Love this metaphor, I take this as 'were taught to find our own answer' (And not cheating)

Overall I loved this poem! ❤




Phillauthet says...


Thanks for reviewing!



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Sun Sep 05, 2021 12:12 pm
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Heyy!! Forever here with a review!!

Wow. First of all this was quite good. I really like how this was so simple and yet so powerful in its core. I am quite sure that your teacher will be very happy to see the poem. It describes a teacher quite effectively and I liked how you succeeded to make the poem convey emotions of a student towards their teachers.

I don't know but for some reason the syllable count didn't seem too off. It was quite decent. I really liked how the poem progressed from a general statement to a specific one. The flow of the poem too was great. Like first of all you say and describe all the greatness a teacher possesses and then finally you conclude the thing by noting that the reader(who should be your teacher as you are giving it to them) is your teacher. Also, it was quite a commendable thing how you wrote on the real-life lessons a teacher teaches than the textbooks and the academic lessons.

We aren't taught to pick others' locks,
but to make our own lock & key.

I liked how you showed the problems and what a people can't do as the lock and the ability to take over as the key. That was a great metaphor.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever




Phillauthet says...


Thanks for the review! Yeah, they liked it. But they're teachers after all, they'd appreciate me if I wrote a 'Thank You' on a scrap piece of paper "^_^




akdsjfh you know that feeling where you start writing a scene but then you get bored with the scene so you move on and start writing a different scene and then you get bored with that scene so you move on to an entirely different WIP and then you get bored with that so you move on-
— AceassinOfTheMoon