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Maybe

by Phillauthet


We are one with Microorganisms.
We come from the same source.
But why can't we see them?
Maybe we've just 
Stopped Looking.

We are closer to Plants.
Don't we come from the same sources?
Then why can't we hear them?
Maybe we've just 
Shut our Ears.

We are much closer to other animals.
We are even of the same Kingdom.
But why can't we understand them?
Maybe we've just 
Stopped Listening.

We are even closer to other humans.
We are even of the same Species.
Yet, we can't connect with them.
Maybe we've just 
Stopped Trying.


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Mon Jun 28, 2021 3:31 am
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anne27 wrote a review...



Hey! Anne here with a review!

Your poem was very enjoyable, I loved how you expressed each of the stanzas.

1st stanza
This stanza in particular, I felt was talking about the failure of our senses rather than failure of effort. With the eyesight we have, it's practically impossible to see microorganisms. With bare eyes. But we still have microscopes and can see them?! Or maybe it's just talking about our own senses.

2nd stanza
This is absolutely true. Amid the busy world, we've stopped listening to nature's voices. It's pathetic but true! Ha! Humans have forgotten the peace that can be gained just hearing the leaves rustle.

3rd stanza
We can sometimes, understand our pets, no? Anyway, the stanza was a good one. However, I didn't quite like the repetition of 'stopped listening'. Even though, it was written differently in 2nd and 3rd stanza, it was still meant for the ears. Rather, I'd suggest something like this.

We are much closer to other animals.
We are even of the same Kingdom.
But why can't we find any similarities
Maybe we have just
Stop seeing.



4th stanza
Woah! This stanza was the bestest!! I hadn't known the poem was heading here. It's really well written. and so relatable. The meaning was so deep and heartwarming.

I absolutely loved the poem!! Keep writing...




Phillauthet says...


Thanks for the reviw!



Phillauthet says...


Whoops! I meant 'review' %uD83D%uDE05



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Sun Jun 27, 2021 9:34 pm
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Plume wrote a review...



Hey there! Plume here, with a review!

I really enjoyed reading this poem! I think you chose a wonderful topic and used some great poetic devices like repetition and structuring to craft a well done poem that tackles some important questions.

One thing I really adored was your structure. I'm a sucker for poetry with repetition and structure involved (and honestly, most of the poetry I write ends up having repetition and structure, too). I think it can have such a profound effect of the message the poem spreads. I love how you utilized the form in this case to compare and contrast certain living things. I was expecting it to be a cutesy little poem where it would go over why we can't understand plants and animals, but that last stanza really threw a curveball! I really enjoyed where you took this poem, and I think your use of the structure really helped sell that contrast at the end.

I also think the message your poem posits is very important. It can be sometimes that humans are almost speaking another language if they believe in something you don't. It's true that there's a lot of divide between people and groups of people in today's world, and, like you pointed out, that's just wrong. We're all of the same species, so why can't we see eye to eye on some things?

One thing I wondered about was your capitalization on certain words. I know it served as emphasis in the last lines (and I would suggest maybe using a different form of emphasis or even letting the readers form their own emphasis; I think that the sentences and where you choose to start the new line are already profound enough) but I think that maybe within the stanzas it was slightly odd and off-putting. The words I'm thinking of in particular are "Microorganisms" in the first stanza, "Plants" in the second stanza, "Kingdom" in the third stanza, and "Species" in the fourth stanza. I feel like these were unnecessarily capitalized and it interrupted the flow for me a lot.

Overall: really nice work! I think your structure and topic really helped you craft a gorgeous poem. I look forward to reading your work around the site more often. Hopefully something in this review was helpful! Until next time!




Phillauthet says...


Thanks a lot for the review! Yeah, it was really helpful to me, it helps me see my work in a way I can't as the writer. As is replied to @MayCupcake, I've noted your points in my personal copy of the poem, but I wanna see the take on the original. No offense to you!



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Sat Jun 26, 2021 4:03 pm
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MayCupcake wrote a review...



Hey, Phillauthet!
Here's a review for you today!

Then why can't we hear them?
Maybe we've just
Shut our Ears.


But why can't we understand them?
Maybe we've just
Stopped Listening.


Yet, we can't connect with them.
Maybe we've just
Stopped Trying.


I switched around and reworded some of these endings in order to make them more cohesive with each other.
--> But why can't we hear them?
Maybe we've just
Stopped Listening.
--> But why can't we understand them?
Maybe we've just
Stopped Trying.
--> Yet, we can't connect with them.
Maybe we've just
Stopped Caring.

We are one with Microorganisms.
We come from the same source.


I changed this second line because the first two second lines are about the same topic, so I decided to make this one different.
--> We are one with Microorganisms.
We are cooperating and living together.

Don't we come from the same sources?


I changed this from the question because all of the other second lines start with "we are".
--> We are made from the same sources.

Anyways, I thought that this was an interesting concept for a poem and enjoyed reading! Take what you will from this and keep on writing!




Phillauthet says...


Thanks a lot for reviewing!

I've written your points down in my personal copy of the poem, but I don't think I wanna change anything here yet. No offence, but I just want to see the take on my original poem...

Anyway, thanks!




The chains of habits are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken.
— Warren Buffet