Young Writers Society

Hello hello, I know this is a little bit of an older post so dont mind me. This is a very nice poem like many others have said it's short and sweet. With that being said it is hard to find any feedback to give besides personal opinion I can only think to maybe push the imagery we get a sense of what the stars look like but what is the sky like? Is it tossing like the sea or the gray tones of a wash over the canvas? Although that might counteract the short concise nature of the poem.

Regardless it is very well done, Keep it up and remember to drink water.

Hello, My Friend!

Pleasure to meet you! I am Raven, and I’d like to review this poem using my Familiar method today! It’s pretty much the YWS’more method with the touch of a fantasy-horror writer. Let’s dive in, shall we? Heh heh heh…

What The Black Eyes See...

What a great and descriptive little poem! I feel we got a brilliant display of scenery from the first verse, then a wonderful idea of a journey through that display, in a more imaginative, fantasy-esque, or even spiritual way. Let's get into the details though.

Where The Dagger Points...

I spy no obvious errors, and the poem is great as it is! It would be very hard to make any criticism. Pushing it, with a recommendation free to take or leave, perhaps sensory details would help that vivid scenery pop? Senses reminiscent of the night, like the sunless chill, the fresh scent of night-blooming flowers on the breeze, perhaps even a more abstract one like "feeling" the starlight.

Of course, I am not a professional, so please take my advice with a grain of salt ~

Why The Grin Widened...

So, what I liked...all of it? Haha!

You perfectly described the night sky, the sense of a pattern within the stars and their brilliant glow. What really drew me in, though, was the second stanza. In just a few lines, you really gave that impression of wanting to intentionally get lost; to discover somewhere new, or perhaps somewhere familiar yet out of reach. As with a lot of things in poetry, that in itself could be seen as something with symbolism and deeper meaning, but I digress. Leaving us on a note of getting lost and finding one's self in the stars was such a whimsical feeling, yet at the same time, tranquilizing. Fascinating ~

Our Mad Thoughts...

Overall, you made a brilliant piece! Nicely done!

I love this so much! It’s short and simple, concise and effective and I love watching the stars they’re so magical and beautiful yet sad almost. It’s sad if you think about how they’re ceasing to exist and how people believe we turn into stars when we die but it’s beautiful and magical when you think some magical place could exist there or stars are our ancestors looking out for us. Breathtaking. I think this short poem describes it perfectly, well done!!

Hi! This is short and moving. It's really well done.

"It is dark where I lie.
I see that brilliant stars,
structured, yet scattered."

For me, this is set a tone of longing and dreaming. Like the narrator is wishing for something they can't have. And they're admiring the stars but jealous of them at the same time. Maybe it's just my overthinking but when you're lying in the darkness and looking at brilliant stars that's the first impression I get.

"They cast their glow,
sharp yet dim,
on my watch, just as it strikes ten."

The watch, for me, symbolises coming back to reality suddenly from the wishful thinking. Because then you're reminded of all the responsibilities/burdens. "sharp yet dim" is also realistic. It's like the narrator is realising that all our "stars" have imperfections too.

"I should leave now,
lest I lose my way.
But perhaps I'd prefer that;
Getting lost forever,
Finding myself in the stars."

I LOVE the last lines. The best dreams are the ones you never want to wake up from because you know they can never be real. They're also the saddest. Because leaving all you know and already have is bittersweet and nostalgic, but sometimes the "finding myself in the stars" makes it all worth it.
When you really love something, you're ready to lose a part of yourself just so you can have that. You're willing to lose your way and being lost. This poem is really symbolic and I think most people would relate to it.