Horses are one of those
with whom you can bond deep.
They never add to your woes.
That joy, for money, is cheap.
Feeding them, in itself
is somehow so satisfying.
You can compare a whole bookshelf
to that feeling, electrifying.
Grooming them is a joy.
Brushing the smooth coat,
and that hair... Oh boy!
It's a wonder they don't gloat!
Like the wind, you can ride,
forgetting worry and problem,
you can cast all that aside,
and ride, the horse in tandem.
I can't really put those feelings
into words. So all I say:
My favourite of all things,
Is a Horse with a spirited neigh!
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139,372 Literary Works • 672,541 Reviews
Hi Phillauthet! Hope you are having a good day/night/afternoon/evening/morning. @hannah0528 here with a quick, hopefully helpful review. I hope you like it!
Grows:
"Grooming them is a joy.
Brushing the smooth coat,
and that hair... Oh boy!
It's a wonder they don't gloat!"
The first three lines are perfect! Great job! I did think that the last line was unfitting, though. I think the first three had so many syllables that that line seemed like it would go in the next stanza, and because of that how it would have rhymed with the second line didn't work out. Maybe just try to shorten it a little?
Glows:
YES YES YES. In my 5 months on YWS I have never seen a poem about horses and finally, finally I stumbled on this one! I love it! I have ridden a horse once, at a lesson for a birthday present and it was an unforgettable experience, one that I thought couldn't be put into words. Until I read this. Great job!
I hope this review was helpful! Keep writing and have a great day! I hope to hear more from you!
Sincerely,
@hannah0528
Thanks! I'll change that line, didn't catch that point till I read your review.
This is an amazing poem!
Thanks!
This is an amazing poem!
Sorry about the double
No prob
Amazing! I sit in awe every time someone writes a poem that's beautiful and that I can understand and relate to. I honestly can't find anything wrong with it. It's very beautiful.
Thanks!
A very relatable poem!
True...
YES YES YES
A poem about horses !! This made my day <3333
It's clear you've been on a horse before, it's also clear you've also fed, and groomed some horses by the very accurate representation you gave about them.
I could never quite put my finger on what I was feeling when I was around horses, petting them, grooming them, feeding them.. but this poem described how it feels to the perfection.
I've seen so many people say that horses ride "like the wind", and yeah, maybe, but there's more to horses than just their speed. And you've clearly understood that. Finally !! Horses are being described in their whole majesty and heart.
Imagery in this was very vivid and understandable, the best example of this being :
Okay I won't analyse everything, but I'll just quickly skim through all the different techniques you used in this bit,
First off, metaphor, comparing feeding them to having/seeing a huge bookshelf
Then, sibilance, "Feeding them in itSelf/ is Somehow So Satisfying."
Then repetition of sounds with "feelING" and "electrifyING"
and so many other things, but those are the basis
As you can see, that quote from your poem is extremely musical, but so is the rest of your poem. The (almost) regular rhyming scheme also helps with the natural flow and elegancy of the poem, which makes it fluent and easy to read.
One thing I felt was lacking was the description of the horses.
The different colours, the hairstyles, the heights, all that. But mostly the colours.
That could've led to some more metaphors, maybe you could've said how one horse flew past you "like a dove", so we'd have known the horse was white. Or that "a horses's hair gently flowed around like a sail in the breeze",
Have a great day/ afternoon/ night/ evening !!
(by the way, I LOVE your profile pic. Horsies are the best<333)
Thanks for the review! Yeah, I see that I could've added the description... Maybe I'll add it and update!