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Revenge

by Phillauthet


There are many ones out there,
who think revenge is only fair.
In their spite, rival they ensnare
but even the connivers aren't spared.

Though their rivals escape and win,
they can't get out of the web they spin.
They can't hear themselves over the din
of the poison that covers their hearts like skin.

Their poisoned hearts soon turn to lead.
The finest qualities within them, dead.
They lose sight of the road ahead, 
their humanity hanging by a single thread.

The only thing going in their mind,
ways to keep their rival confined.
How much peace could they ever find?
An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.


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53 Reviews


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Reviews: 53

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Sat Jun 12, 2021 4:02 pm
FireEyes wrote a review...



Hey there Phillauthet! Incoming review!

There seems to be a bout of revenge works recently, right? But besides that your poem is quite lovely, in a terroristic and somewhat insane way. I haven't seen too many people who manage to do that. I think your vocabulary selection for some of your rhymes are very bold. Like, confined, ensnared, and even lead. You used a lot of imagery in your poem. It really paints a picture in my head of what your "main character" of this poem wants to do. Your punctuation choice is very flattering. I like how you made the first two lines of each stanza a part of the same sentence. It makes you poem look very neat and put together, but I do think it's a little odd for a poem narrating about people who want revenge.

That leads me into some critiques I may have for this poem. Although having a consistent rhyming scheme is nice to look at, it gets monotonic quite quickly. And I would have changed it to feel the theme and tone of the poem. Having these well placed punctuation and rhymes doesn't really lend to the crazy and blind sightedness of revenge, does it? It's more office-like than "inside-the-minds-of-people-seeking-revenge." One other thing I have to say are these two lines,

of the poison that covers their hearts like skin.

Their poisoned hearts soon turn to lead.
You use poison here twice. It looks redundant. Perhaps you could change "poison" to "toxic" in the last line or "venom" in the first line.

But that's about it I have for this review. I hope you found some of this useful. You look like a great writer!!<3 Have a good day. Anyway byeeeeeeeeeeeeee<3




Phillauthet says...


Thanks for the review!
Yeah, the scheme might seem little off... But here's the thing. I've never written a poem before without a consistent rhyme scheme so it feels weird when I try an inconsistent one. But thanks for pointing that out, I never looked at it that way.

About the poison part... I wanted to emphasize the poison so I repeated it but maybe I could change it.

Aw, I'm not all that great a writer... Just practice, I guess!! (I've been writing since I was 9)

Anyway, thanks!



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Mon Jun 07, 2021 11:33 am
anne27 wrote a review...



Wow!! This is pulchritudinous poetry!!! :D

Hi Phillauthet!! I'm here to leave a quick review.
Let's begin

THEME
The theme was a sensitive one and thus a very eye-catching one. !! Revenge is a nasty thing and something that the world really needs to get rid of!

LANGUAGE
The way you have written it is so remarkably beautiful and relatable. The phrases used were great. The metaphors really added to the beauty.
Every phase in this poem was a treat for the reader.

Their poisoned hearts soon turn to lead.

An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.

To name a few. The latter was just so beautiful though. It was a very perfect ending.

FLOW
The flow was great too. The rhymes were really good and are much appreciated. The constant rhyming scheme provided a rarely seen fluidity.

On the whole, I don't think there were any flaws in this piece, were there? The poem was perfect as it is.

Keep writing such beautiful poetry :D




Phillauthet says...


Thanks for the review! Really glad you liked it!



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Sun Jun 06, 2021 9:42 pm
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PixieStix wrote a review...



Hello, Pix here to review this lovely poem for you!

So, I was rather intrigued by the title: I'm weirdly into poems like this. :3

Lets start with the first stanza.

There are many ones out there,
who think revenge is only fair.
In their spite, rival they ensnare
but even the connivers aren't spared.


I had to re-read this a couple times, but I like the fact that your rhyme scheme is somewhat nconsistent. It almost polishes this poem-- giving it a uniqueness that not others have. As for the content, I like how you describe how revenge is actually an action, and how its inflicted on others-- usually in a negative way. Nice way to start this poem.

Though their rivals escape and win,
they can't get out of the web they spin.
They can't hear themselves over the din
of the poison, covered their hearts like skin.


This might actually be my favorite stanza. It perfectly describes how insane a person can get when longing for revenge. Nicely worded, mistake-free, and what I believe is one of your best stanzas.

Their poisoned hearts soon turn to lead.
The finest qualities within them, dead.
They lose sight of the road ahead,
their humanity hanging by a single thread.


The use of lead is a great negative-connotation for what happens when someone goes crazy. The rest of this stanza is also great, and mistake-free! I also wanted to point out throughout this whole poem your flow stays consistent, and so does your rhyme scheme!

The only thing going in their mind,
ways to keep their rival confined.
How much peace could they ever find?
An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.


After re-reading this whole poem once more, this stanzas perfectly closes this story. This, on the other end, is a positive ending-- almost trying to make aware of how dangerous and meaningless it is to inflict harm on others. Great way to close the poem out!

Happy writing and I can't wait to read more of your work! :)

-Pix




Phillauthet says...


Thanks for the review! Glad you liked it!



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Sun Jun 06, 2021 4:20 pm
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NivedaJames22 wrote a review...



Hey Phillauthet!

First of all, I really liked the idea of the poem, and the whole "An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind." That's a really good quote to base a poem off.

I like the rhyme scheme and how you stick to it religiously. It sounds nice and just sort of rolls of your tongue, which is really cool.


The only part that I'm don't think makes complete sense, is this:

They can't hear themselves over the din
of the poison, covered their hearts like skin.


In these lines, I feel like there is something a little off about the "covered their hearts like skin". Maybe you meant "They can't hear themselves over the din/of the poison that covers their hearts like skin."

My favorite stanza was probably this one:
Their poisoned hearts soon turn to lead.
The finest qualities within them, dead.
They lose sight of the road ahead,
their humanity hanging by a single thread.


I really like how you describe what happens to someone who is driven insane by the thought of revenge. There is something foreboding about the image you paint, with the poison on their skin and the leaden hearts.

I think you have a great ending stanza, that sums up the poem beautifully. I especially love the line "An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind."

On the whole, it was a great poem with a nice moral. Can't wait to read more of your work.

Keep writing. (:




Phillauthet says...


Thanks for the review! Yeah, I meant 'of the poison that covers their heart like skin'. Thanks for pointing that out, I'll change it now.




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