Hey there Phillauthet! Incoming review!
There seems to be a bout of revenge works recently, right? But besides that your poem is quite lovely, in a terroristic and somewhat insane way. I haven't seen too many people who manage to do that. I think your vocabulary selection for some of your rhymes are very bold. Like, confined, ensnared, and even lead. You used a lot of imagery in your poem. It really paints a picture in my head of what your "main character" of this poem wants to do. Your punctuation choice is very flattering. I like how you made the first two lines of each stanza a part of the same sentence. It makes you poem look very neat and put together, but I do think it's a little odd for a poem narrating about people who want revenge.
That leads me into some critiques I may have for this poem. Although having a consistent rhyming scheme is nice to look at, it gets monotonic quite quickly. And I would have changed it to feel the theme and tone of the poem. Having these well placed punctuation and rhymes doesn't really lend to the crazy and blind sightedness of revenge, does it? It's more office-like than "inside-the-minds-of-people-seeking-revenge." One other thing I have to say are these two lines,
You use poison here twice. It looks redundant. Perhaps you could change "poison" to "toxic" in the last line or "venom" in the first line.of the poison that covers their hearts like skin.
Their poisoned hearts soon turn to lead.
But that's about it I have for this review. I hope you found some of this useful. You look like a great writer!!<3 Have a good day. Anyway byeeeeeeeeeeeeee<3
Points: 15750
Reviews: 180
Donate