Young Writers Society

Hi Phillauthet,

Mailice here with a short review!

That was a very interesting and inspiring poem on mathematics you presented. I like the uniqueness you brought out behind it.

I like how you start with the first paragraph, repeating yourself to describe some different points of view before going deeper into some examples to show what Math means to you. I think it's a brilliant and fun start. At first I thought that the omission of Math in the fourth line would make the paragraph a little harder to interpret, but on second reading I found it to be a good method. It's like a song that's just starting and you're making a transition with the last line into the next verse.

I like how in the second paragraph you focus on showing how Maths can change life for the better and how it can also benefit the person. However, I also feel that the first two lines can be interpreted as something negative, as Maths is also responsible for giving results in tests / statistics and as human lives as individuals are seen as secondary. Apart from the fact that the second and fourth lines don't rhyme so well, I thought it was a good "start" to your argument.

I like the contrast you create between the second and third paragraphs. I think the second section is more about practice and working life and the third section goes deeper into theory/study/school. You tell, on the one hand, how hard and long it can take to have successes in learning, but also that this can deliver a result that helps to have a good ally in the second section.

The way the middle sections link together, I also thought you made a great combination with the first and this last section. Again, I get this feeling here that you have a song and this teasing, joyful tone comes out, which comes out through the types of calculations that you present here.
I like this approach of presenting it in a playful way and yet there is a certain seriousness inside.

I didn't think I would ever read a poem about mathematics and I am amazed at how well you have managed to present it. I especially like how you managed to make it rhyme all but once, and how much sense it makes when you read through it several times and realise how important and necessary Maths is to life. I would only try to close the last gap to rhyme every line.

It was a fascinating poem. I liked the way you presented it.

Have fun writing!

Mailice

Haha, I love the irony of this one. Poetry isn't a thing of mathematicians, yet here you are writing a poem about it <3

Hey there! Mordax here for a review, so let's get started!

First off, I love how you used math in this poem. You start off with this repetition of the word "math" followed by adjectives relatable to the subject (lol), and this repetition not only gives this sense of monotony, it also delivers a message of its own, which to me, was how this constant dwelling on the negative provides no progression.

Then, as the poem does progress, the word "math" is ceased to be used because the poem is now focusing on the good, acknowledging the negative then moving forward. The last stanza is particularly clever as math is now wielded in a way that does provide progression, contrary to the first stanza. This was all a very clever way to deliver a message much deeper than the trials of math.

As for critiques, I have very few. For starters, I like the rhymes you establish, however, "patience" and "science" are not quite rhymes. While they end the same way in spelling, the sound is very different. This may have been intentional on your part, but I believe it disrupts the flow just a bit.

My other critique is also minor. You establish this flow in rhymes, however the flow in syllables is not established. While it doesn't need to be in poetry, I think this poem would have a larger impact if it lulled throughout the entirety as it does in the first stanza. For example...

But Math has proven, many a time,
to be our greatest ally.
With it, one can climb,
to positions, most high.