z
  • Home

Young Writers Society



Greater than you Think

by Phillauthet


How dare you say you're not the best?
How dare you say you're not perfect?
How dare you say you're not good enough?

Don't you feel the overwhelming power
Swirling within you,
Waiting for you to harness it?

Don't you see the breathtaking beauty inside,
Going deeper than your scars,
Waiting for you to acknowledge it?

Don't you realise that this creation that's you
Is better than your faults,
Is truly perfect?

You've formed a cocoon around you
Of all your fears and insecurities
And that's become your identity.

Don't you see,
You can break through?
You are greater than you think.


Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
111 Reviews

Points: 10669
Reviews: 111

Donate
Tue Jun 06, 2023 9:04 am
alpacaboss wrote a review...



Hello! Just wanted to leave a short review.

I really love how encouraging this is. It's not in the usual typical soothing way. It's an aggressive, persuasive, and fiery way of encouragement. And I think that kind of encouragement is also beautiful because it knocks some sense into us to trust ourselves more. The poem is beautiful in a sense that we can imagine our best friend/s aggressively shaking us while saying this. It gives more impact because the audience can think of someone they are close to who can say these things (that's for me).

I believe you can improve further by giving more context and specificity. Did the person they are talking to go through a tough time? Do they consistently degrade themselves? Do they feel they are never good enough? It will also be nice to give some affirmations from the narrator themselves. How are they related with the person they are talking to? Was their bond so close that they know how much they are capable of? These are just my suggestions. Going with the ambiguous route opens it for more possibilities which is okay, but personally, making it specific can really hit home if done well :)

Overall, this is a great poem! It was an encouragement I also needed.

This is alpacaboss, signing off.




Phillauthet says...


Thanks for the review!!! I'll surely try to give more detail.

Love the avvie btw <3



alpacaboss says...


You are welcome! And thank you!!



User avatar
355 Reviews

Points: 2099
Reviews: 355

Donate
Sun May 28, 2023 7:33 pm
LadySpark wrote a review...



Hey there! Spark here for a little review day review. Let's get into it!

I like how you're directly addressing the reader as if they are in a conversation with you. You've got a really aggressive-but in a loving way vibe going on here, and I honestly can't be too mad about it.

My biggest critque would be that I think you could probably benefit from deviating from the how dare you/don't you phrasing. You use it so much in this poem it makes it a little difficult for the reader to stay engaged, even though you're directly addressing them. Shifting to a more varied line structure could help the reader feel more personally addressed while reading this poem. It's not enough to directly call them out, you need to evoke a memory for that reader in their own personal lives. Where or when might they have wanted to hear this? From who? In what tone? How so? Use a more sensory and enviornmentally driven perspective to expand the experience for the reader. Really let your creativity shine! What does that overwhelming power swirling do? How have you seen it in action? Really investigate your own personal intention with how you want the the reader to walk away from this poem and you'll really be cooking here.

Good luck with future editing! Happy review day!

Sizzle :)




Phillauthet says...


Thanks for the reviewww! Will work on that :D



User avatar
6 Reviews

Points: 65
Reviews: 6

Donate
Tue May 09, 2023 3:02 pm
untrustingsemicolon says...



Hi! I honestly found this poem at such a perfect time. I have been drowning in insecurities lately and came on here for some hope and this poem gave me exactly that. Your writing- especially the use of rhetorical questions- really encouraged some introspection in me. Thank you so much for spreading optimism with such straightforward words! :D




Phillauthet says...


Glad I could help! :D



User avatar
17 Reviews

Points: 49
Reviews: 17

Donate
Sun Apr 30, 2023 7:01 am
HB1103 wrote a review...



Hey there! Here's my review:


Positives of your poem include its uplifting message of self-love and empowerment. The use of rhetorical questions adds a sense of urgency and encourages the reader to reflect on their own self-perceptions.

The repetition of the phrase "How dare you" emphasizes the importance of challenging negative self-talk and embracing self-worth. The imagery of a cocoon and the metaphor of a creation add depth and richness to the poem's meaning. The poem ends on a hopeful note, inspiring the reader to break free from their fears and insecurities and realize their full potential.

One suggestion for improvement would be to vary the sentence structure and use more descriptive language to enhance the imagery and create a more vivid picture in the reader's mind. Additionally, it could benefit from a stronger conclusion or a call to action to motivate the reader to take steps towards breaking free from their insecurities.

Consider adding more descriptive language to create a vivid image in the reader's mind. For example, instead of saying "breathtaking beauty," try to describe what that beauty looks like, feels like, or sounds like.

Finally, use more poetic techniques like metaphors, similes, or personification to make the poem more engaging and memorable.

With these improvements, the poem could become more impactful and memorable to its readers!

- HB




Phillauthet says...


Thanks for the review! I'll try experimenting with more descriptive words.



HB1103 says...


Hey, no problem!




So verily with the hardship, there is a relief, verily with the hardship, there is a relief.
— Quran Ch 94:5-6