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and the tides wash out traces of us

by NivedaJames22


i've been afraid of the sea for years on end,

i've been afraid because i've seen

people walking along the shore, holding hands,

tracing footsteps in the sand as they go,

smiling, laughing, happy in their little bubble of love.

but the tide turns as the night falls on them,

and in the presence of silver moonlight,

the waves erase those footsteps, and the sole indication of

the people who passed by are washed off.

i was afraid of that, of being forgotten.

~

and i'm still afraid now, i'm still scared out of my wits,

but i think i'm ready to take the plunge,

to run, skip and dance hand-in-hand by the shore,

tracing footsteps that only last so long, if it's with you.

i don't mind so much if the tides erase ours out

as the moon silently watches on, silver and glowing.

i don't mind, if it means that from sunrise i can be with you,

crafting memories meant for only our eyes- it'll be our little secret;

and when evenfall dawns upon us, we can leave together,

holding hands, content, and let the tides wipe out all traces of us.


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63 Reviews


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Mon May 23, 2022 9:44 pm
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BEASTtheHUN says...



HELL YEAH. I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)






thank you! :>



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Wed Dec 22, 2021 12:38 am
silented1 wrote a review...



the waves erase those footsteps, and the sole indication of

the people who passed by are washed off.

This is redundant. And the second half is much better. It's more emotional and provoking. So, use that only for other poems.

i was afraid of that, of being forgotten.
Works well following the last line. It is
very well placed because you get the double idea/image of footsteps being erased.

as the moon silently watches on, silver and glowing.


Delete this line then your poem is so good.




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Tue Dec 21, 2021 2:29 am
fleuralplants says...



I love the fact that it's centered in the middle, it looks so neat! <3






ahh thanks! i usually don't do a lot of formatting, but this one looked a bit annoying when it was to the left. :>



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Sat Dec 18, 2021 11:37 pm
lliyah says...



This is REALLY good! Love what you've done here, I'd say the emotions of this poem shine right through.






Thank you alliyah! I'm glad you enjoyed it! <3



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Sat Dec 18, 2021 6:18 pm
vampricone6783 wrote a review...



I enjoyed this poem.Yes,we’re afraid of being forgotten,everyone is,but some things are better left unsaid.Like the love that grows between people that warms them from within.No one else needs to know about that love,because they can feel the love and that’s all that matters.I hope that you have a lovely and wonderful day and night.Good poem.That’s it for now.






Thanks for reviewing vampricone! :>



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Sat Dec 18, 2021 10:05 am
Liminality says...



but the tide turns as the night falls on them,

and in the presence of silver moonlight,

the waves erase those footsteps


Oh that's an interesting metaphor! I wonder who is doing the forgetting here? The lovers, or the world?






I think when I was writing I was mostly thinking about the world doing the forgetting, and just erasing every memory of something that was a huge part of the lives of the people involved in a moment's glance.



Liminality says...


Ah, I see. So it's kind of an individuals vs. society theme :D



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Sat Dec 18, 2021 2:24 am
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Plume wrote a review...



Hey there! Plume here, with a review!!

Oh wow. This was a stunning poem. I really loved that beginning, with all the imagery of the beach/waves washing away the footsteps, and then the ending, with the speaker learning to accept impermanence with someone they care about and the freedom that comes with it. It was phrased so beautifully and paired with such gorgeous metaphors that it was impossible not to like. Really nice work!!!

One thing I think you did really nicely was your comparisons to the sea. I loved how you used the image of footprints washing away to illustrate the fleeting nature of several relationships. You did a really nice job of showing us the hypothetical happy couples in your poem, before using cooler imagery to show the ends of their relationships. I think the last line of your first stanza was really striking too; the repetition of “of” just gives the line this really melancholy cadence. I liked how much that first stanza contrasted with the second one, too. For all the insecurities the first stanza has, the second stanza paired each one with a really romantic/loving image to go along with it. I also loved how you still stated that the speaker was scared, but that the person they found to care about made being forgotten worth it. It was a really nice choice, I think. Most of the time, I feel like writers would simply say that the person made the fear go away, so it was nice to have a little change of pace.

To me, this poem speaks of maybe some commitment issues on the part of the narrator in fear that they’d be left behind by a friend or lover. Your flow was marvelous throughout. It felt so melodic, in a way. All your syllables felt like they were distributed at the right place, and you did it so that certain phrases/words were brought to the forefront of the poem. I think that was also a big part of why I found this poem so enjoyable. Combined with that imagery and the lovely message behind it, it truly is a great poem.

Overall: phenomenal work. I think your flow and imagery combine to create this amazing piece comparing love and relationships to the sea. I hope to read more of your poems on here soon! Until next time!!






Thanks for reviewing Plume! I'm glad you enjoyed it! :>




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