HELL YEAH. I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
i've been afraid of the sea for years on end,
i've been afraid because i've seen
people walking along the shore, holding hands,
tracing footsteps in the sand as they go,
smiling, laughing, happy in their little bubble of love.
but the tide turns as the night falls on them,
and in the presence of silver moonlight,
the waves erase those footsteps, and the sole indication of
the people who passed by are washed off.
i was afraid of that, of being forgotten.
~
and i'm still afraid now, i'm still scared out of my wits,
but i think i'm ready to take the plunge,
to run, skip and dance hand-in-hand by the shore,
tracing footsteps that only last so long, if it's with you.
i don't mind so much if the tides erase ours out
as the moon silently watches on, silver and glowing.
i don't mind, if it means that from sunrise i can be with you,
crafting memories meant for only our eyes- it'll be our little secret;
and when evenfall dawns upon us, we can leave together,
holding hands, content, and let the tides wipe out all traces of us.
the waves erase those footsteps, and the sole indication of
the people who passed by are washed off.
Works well following the last line. It isi was afraid of that, of being forgotten.
as the moon silently watches on, silver and glowing.
This is REALLY good! Love what you've done here, I'd say the emotions of this poem shine right through.
I enjoyed this poem.Yes,we’re afraid of being forgotten,everyone is,but some things are better left unsaid.Like the love that grows between people that warms them from within.No one else needs to know about that love,because they can feel the love and that’s all that matters.I hope that you have a lovely and wonderful day and night.Good poem.That’s it for now.
but the tide turns as the night falls on them,
and in the presence of silver moonlight,
the waves erase those footsteps
Hey there! Plume here, with a review!!
Oh wow. This was a stunning poem. I really loved that beginning, with all the imagery of the beach/waves washing away the footsteps, and then the ending, with the speaker learning to accept impermanence with someone they care about and the freedom that comes with it. It was phrased so beautifully and paired with such gorgeous metaphors that it was impossible not to like. Really nice work!!!
One thing I think you did really nicely was your comparisons to the sea. I loved how you used the image of footprints washing away to illustrate the fleeting nature of several relationships. You did a really nice job of showing us the hypothetical happy couples in your poem, before using cooler imagery to show the ends of their relationships. I think the last line of your first stanza was really striking too; the repetition of “of” just gives the line this really melancholy cadence. I liked how much that first stanza contrasted with the second one, too. For all the insecurities the first stanza has, the second stanza paired each one with a really romantic/loving image to go along with it. I also loved how you still stated that the speaker was scared, but that the person they found to care about made being forgotten worth it. It was a really nice choice, I think. Most of the time, I feel like writers would simply say that the person made the fear go away, so it was nice to have a little change of pace.
To me, this poem speaks of maybe some commitment issues on the part of the narrator in fear that they’d be left behind by a friend or lover. Your flow was marvelous throughout. It felt so melodic, in a way. All your syllables felt like they were distributed at the right place, and you did it so that certain phrases/words were brought to the forefront of the poem. I think that was also a big part of why I found this poem so enjoyable. Combined with that imagery and the lovely message behind it, it truly is a great poem.
Overall: phenomenal work. I think your flow and imagery combine to create this amazing piece comparing love and relationships to the sea. I hope to read more of your poems on here soon! Until next time!!
120,142 Literary Works • 648,794 Reviews
Points: 415
Reviews: 70
Donate