I love thee like Pluto loves the Sun,
Admiring thy fiery splendor from afar,
Beholding the wonder that is thee,
From a distance of miles, knowing
That a step closer could get me scalded.
~
In my head, I'm like Mercury, nearer
To thee than I shall ever really dare to be,
Radiating in thy glowing warmth,
Whispering cosmic secrets to thee.
But, then again, that's only in my dreams.
~
I saw a shooting star yesterday,
And pressed a wish upon its flashing tail.
I hoped, that someday, I could gather
The nerve to come a little closer,
But for now, I'll stick to to this aching distance.
~
I'm scared that I'll burn if I dare near,
Thy magnificent presence, so here I'll remain.
And I know I've been saying thee
Rather than you. That's just my way
Of showing that thou art a cut above the rest.
~
But, till thou doth lift thy doe-like eyes,
And cast thy gaze on my lowly person,
I shall content myself with this,
This painful yearning, distant gaze,
And love thee like Pluto does the Sun.
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139,240 Literary Works • 672,522 Reviews
Hey there! I'm Alex. I was looking for some Sun themed poetries to review for a contest and stumbled upon this piece of yours. I loved the celestial metaphors you use for love, it's such a unique idea. I hope you don't mind if I choose this poem for today's review as it really stood out to me. Let's dive in.
Simple yet fitting title- there could be nothing better. It really captures the gist of the poetry and is a great hook to pull the readers in, out of curiousity. I myself was fascinated by the innovative title.
The first stanza seems to be the most important, laying down the entirety of the plight of the lovesick Pluto. They love the Sun just as much as all the other planets do, but are afraid to be closer to their love due to the fear of getting scalded. I believe there's something to read between the lines here and all of the poetry is just a dressed up way of narrating reality. Feels like it's talking about the fear of getting hurt (scalded) if one allows themselves to lose control in love. So instead, they choose to sacrifice the warmth love gives and love only from afar. Truly heartaching.
The contrast in the second stanza is striking as it dwells on imagination. The Pluto thinks of itself as Mercury instead. You used planetary positions in the Solar system to depict physical proximity, unusually clever. In its head, Pluto is a lot more daring than it'll ever be in actuality. It desperately wants to, but is too afraid to take a leap of faith and risk it all over love.
The intimacy suggested in this part is my favourite part of the poem. It illustrates an action possible only from a short distance. Do it from afar and it seems more like shouting, taking out the magic and tension from the moment. It's a fantasy Pluto can only dream of, considering its remoteness to the Sun.
The third stanza is about Pluto wishing for that courage over a shooting star. It's fascinating to see planets believing in humanised superstitions, if there's even a slight chance to render wishes. Contrary to its wish, Pluto declares its plan to maintain this distance. Goes on to show the human hypocrisy by celestial metaphors- we do one thing and want the other. We make the cowardly choice to wish' for better while it is completely within our grasp to execute.
The fourth stanza digs a little deeper into the matter, on the choice of word thee over you.
This line and the use of thee shed light on the power difference. Pluto unconsciously thinks itself to be too little and unworthy of the Sun. All of it points to low self esteem or loving someone outside one's own league. Both cases well represented.
I like how these gentle features alternate with the overall ferocious image of the Sun. Goes by the example that once you out on the frames of love, even the most ferocious lions seem tamed pups.
Shattering!
In a nutshell, this was such a great read. I love how it's repetitive to a degree, pointing to the never-ending pining of Pluto for the Sun's love. It's so beautiful to read how its love for Sun survives despite the vast distance between them, a testimony to its purity and trueness. The anxiety to pursue your love in reality is truly daunting as here depicted by celestial objects. This poem feels all the more heartbreaking considering that they've excluded Pluto from the 8 planets in our solar system, the distance widening. Nothing more crushing than an interstellar unrequited love story. I hope I get to read and review more from you soon. It has been an absolute pleasure reviewing such a good piece.
Regards
Alex
This poem is amazing. It reminds me of 'The Ballad of the Sun and the Earth' which comes in a book by Amish Tripathi. Check it out if you have the time.
I like the archaic language, especially in that line;
'But, till thou doth lift thy doe-like eyes,'
The language reminds me of the Arrow of Dodona from Trials of Apollo, which I believe you have read. It's really cool how you explain why you use the Shakespearean dialect.
It's also amazing how you say that in your head, you are as close to the Sun as Mercury.
Using the planets to relate to life is amazing!
You've also used the old style only to express the sun, emphasizing that 'thou art a cut above the rest'
Overall, this poem is amazing!!
Yeah I know 'The Ballad of the Sun and the Earth'...I love the Shiva trilogy and when Sati recites this, it's just so beautiful.
I also love the arrow of Dodona...I was so upset when it sacrificed itself in "Tower of Nero".
Thank you!
Wait a second... When does Sati recite this?? Raavan recites it to Kumbhakarna in the Ram Chandra Series.
And yeah... That part was really sad... But he defeated Python!
Oh yeah, it's there in the Ram Chandra series as well...but there's a part where Sati tells Shiva about it. She doesn't recite it exactly, but she tells him about it, to kind of explain why they both should remain friends.
Wait...something happened in that quote. This is how it's supposed to be:
Yeah... But the poem hit me deeper than this part %uD83D%uDE05
True...
This poem was... absolutely gorgeous. Your extended metaphor is lovely, and the way you keep bringing it back to space makes your love aching and echoing- you can really feel the melancholy in this poem. The way you use words is lovely, and your pacing is perfect. I have no real critiques except for a couple of minor errors:
"Radiating in your glowing warmth..." Here, you used "you" instead of a consistent "thy". I'm unsure if this was intentional?
"And pressed a wish upon it's flashing tail." Here, it would actually be "its", as that is the possessive form of "it".
Otherwise, I have no critiques. It's a really beautiful poem, and your comparison of it to the cosmos gives it a sense of magnificence and wonder that's unparalleled. You should definitely be proud!!
I hadn't picked up on those errors...I'll change them soon.
Thanks for reviewing!
I love science, mostly when it is about solar system and this piece is just amazing. I love how creative this writer with the way he used the planets and other things to describe the love that the writer is feeling. It also has a sad side of the poem where it's telling that it is like a one sided love and the writer cannot get closer to the person he/she love
Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it!
Hi! I am here to give a little review,
To begin with I absolutely Love your poem. The metaphor of Pluto and the Sun is superb. I am really impressed by your use of archaic pronouns, it gives the piece the perfect romantic touch.
On reading these lines my heart aches, as you have presented the emotions flawlessly that one can feel the pain within themselves. The fact that you have used the huge distances between the Sun and the planets as the way to describe the distance between the protagonist and their lover makes the helplessness feel more impactful.
The protagonist keeps on repeating that they can't imagine being near their lover and therefore shall keep loving them from afar though they crave for more, is such a patient and tame love that you have shown. This is what makes the use of archaic words in this piece perfect for on reading classics one often finds lovers not being able to give in to their feelings because of things like responsibilities and respectability. But then you have used the solar system as a metaphor and that makes your poem really unique.
I am absolutely delighted by this line. A lot of people have wished upon a shooting star, but the way you put it is just divine <3
The first two line of this stanza paints such a pretty picture in my head, something like a renaissance painting, in that style you know. It's such a beautiful imagery. The ending is ideal, it gives the poem a comfy feel though it describes continued yearning.
All in all, your poem was well written. It had a graceful flow, it was pleasant to read, it makes me want to learn it byheart to recite dramatically at some point {Don't worry if i were ever to recite it i would make sure to credit you
Keep writing such wonderful pieces<3
Thanks you! I'm so glad you liked it!
Btw if you actually recite it, please do tag me, I'd love to hear it.
Hello! Book_Dragon here, with a really quick review because I don't have much to say.
First of all, lovely poem! I like how you use thy and thou, and how you explain it in there. I also like how the first and last lines are very similar. My personal favorite line is, "But, till thou doth lift thy doe-like eyes," because the rhythm is very nice.
I think you could spare to get rid of the word "really" in the line, "to thee than I shall ever really dare to be." It is slightly unnecessary, but it could also just be my own personal preference.
And that's it! Excellent poem, and thank you for making me ship Pluto and the sun!
-Book_Dragon
Thank you!