Dear Santa, you disappointed me.
Of all the people on the planet,
The one that messed this up
Had to be you, didn't it?
~
All I asked for was a moose!
~
My mother said 'twas a stupid wish,
Others said you wouldn't part with one.
Only I persisted in my belief,
Sure that you would grant a child's
Eccentric Christmas wish.
~
Sure in my belief, I waited for the day
On which I would find a full-grown moose
Under the Christmas tree, with a
Note saying "Love, Santa."
(Did my expectations get crushed or what!)
~
The much-awaited Christmas Day arrived,
Only, I had no moose to name Rudolph.
Oh, how cheated I felt!
~
Dear Santa, this is your fault
A billion expectations of mine did you crush,
Under the hooves of your reindeer octet
No, don't remind me of the painful fact
That you have a red-nosed Rudolph.
I wanted that, but in a moose.
Now, do you understand my plight?
Great, so go get me a red-nosed moose!
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139,255 Literary Works • 672,523 Reviews
This poem is great! The whole theme is distinct and different in its own way, and that makes it very interesting. I like the part where you say that out of all the people in the world, it was Santa who had to disappoint you. The childish wish and belief only makes it more exciting. I also really like the way you say Santa crushed your expectations. You make it sound like he literally crushed it under his reindeers' hooves. Also, the reference to Rudolph is great.
I have no downsides to point in this piece, keep writing!!!
Thank you!
Heya, Rubes here with a short review.
For starters, I really enjoyed this poem, the message was clear and simple however great for the reader as they can expand and really think about the lines that were used and why!
"Dear Santa, you disappointed me.
Of all the people on the planet"
So this part was a great start to the stanza! It quickly shows the despondent and upsetting feelings that you felt whilst writing to Santa. You don't use 10 words where one will do, which is another good thing you did. It was simple and to-the-point.
"My mother said 'twas a stupid wish,
Others said you wouldn't part with one."
Wow! I have got to say, this bit is probably my favourite 2 lines of the entire piece. I like how you used the slang ('twas). It makes the reader realize how the writers mum responded with her accent and voice ; it makes for better imagery...I am all for imagery
"The much-awaited Christmas Day arrived,
Only, I had no moose to name Rudolph.
Oh, how cheated I felt!"
THIS BIT WAS SO CUTE!!! It really shows the viewer how old this writer is. It gives 5-8 years old vibes...which I am guessing is the age range if you wished for the moose in the first place (Irrelevant but alright)
"Now, do you understand my plight?
Great, so go get me a red-nosed moose!"
I feel like children around this age are easily forgiving. I like how you shared this idea with the thought of "Get me a moose this time, you still have a chance" kinda thing. It really emphasizes with the age range once again and causes the reader to always know what the person writing wanted. It is never forgotten, however not nagging and repetitive.
Anyways, this was a great piece of work! I love the message and letter also combined with the poetic structure, it works really well. Everything flows nicely and makes the reader chuckle to them self while reading.
Stay safe and keep writing,
Love Rubes x
Thank you!
Hi!
This is adorable. It reminds me of the insane Christmas wishes I had when I was small XD. You capture the tone of the disgruntled child wonderfully and this is very funny. I especially love the lines 'Eccentric Christmas wish', 'Under the hooves of your reindeer octet', and 'I wanted that, but in a moose'. That last line had me laughing because I can just imagine a little kid acting grown up, requesting a large change in the product like adults might ask for something in another color lol.
Overall, I like the structure of this poem but for the one line stanza, 'All I asked for was a moose!' I think you can fit this into the first stanza without loosing its prominence and helping the rhythm.
Through reading this I felt like this might be a sort of parody of I Want A Hippopotamus for Christmas. That's always been my favorite Christmas song to sing.
Great poem! I really enjoyed this and I can't think of any more revision suggestions I could give you!
AndName
I haven't heard that song...Imma go check it out now. It sounds funny.
The one line stanza thing is because the whole poem is an acrostic that spells "Doth a moose sound too daunting?"
Like, if I put it with the first stanza, it might mess that up, so...
Thanks for reviewing!
I never even noticed that! How cool! I like this poem even more now
Moi here to give u a review.
right, so overall I really liked this, it genuinely sounds like a little kid whose hope in Santa is shattered, because they asked for something they thought was an easy little gift, all the while their parents are wondering how to break the news that, "Santas not gonna just give you a mouse."
some of the verses felt a little long or, out of rhythm? especially
meh, I don't know a lot about poetry but this line just felt, off, I don't know take it how you like.
other than that though I thought this was a really well-written poem that also felt relatable.
nice work
Yeah, about the verses, they're mostly out of rhyme...I have to work on that when I get time.
Thanks for reviewing!
XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
I'M DYINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
If only he gave you a moose!
I know right! Like, when I was little, I actually wrote to Santa asking for a moose, but then he didn't reply. It shattered my belief in Santa so bad, I stopped hugging my Santa stuffed toy for a month.