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Midnight ponderings

by NivedaJames22


Midnight ponderings

Over mindless matters,

Dreams that drift 

Into wispy nothings,

One minute it's there,

The next it's not.

Gentle murmurs 

Of soft slumber,

Whispered words

Of the half-asleep.

Turbulent changes

Like a chaotic sea,

Between dream to dream,

With no in-between.

And then there's the thoughts

That float around in tranquility,

As you lie awake

Right before you fall asleep.

Those midnight ponderings

Over mindless matters,

About the what-might-have-beens 

And the shouldn't-have-dones,

These thoughts form a maze

In your puzzled-up brain,

Just before you nod off,

And drift into sleep.


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26 Reviews


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Reviews: 26

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Sun Jul 18, 2021 3:24 pm
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NightsInWhiteSatin wrote a review...



This was an amazing poem. I have never seen anyone describe the feeling of dreams better, maybe in inception haha. You used so many phrases that with so little words perfectly describe how it feels to be trapped between reality and dream, and then to fall completely into the dreams. I especially liked the line "Whispered words, of the half-asleep". I'm the kind of guy who says a lot of weird stuff when half-asleep so that one hit me personally haha. The whole poem has this mysterious dreamy feeling around it, which ties perfectly with it's theme. You also talk about the subject of night thoughts, "About the what-might-have-beens And the shouldn't-have-dones", which gives this poem so much personality. I do not want to abuse the word relatable, but that's what it is. Those verses also let us know in a way, that there's a person behind all of it, that these are someone's expieriences, and the dreams are partially an outcome of them. Great work!






Thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked it and found it relatable! (:



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Points: 148
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Mon Jun 14, 2021 1:54 pm
sukunas3rdeye wrote a review...



Hi Niveda,
a really nice poem you got there, I really like your choice of words!

Dreams that drift

Into wispy nothings,


Especially this line at the start put an emphasis to
this really "dreamy" vibe to the poem imo

Furthermore, I really like how you use:

Turbulent- chaotic, between - no in between.

I feel like it adds a really nice touch to it and brings forward the meaning? Or well just was really fond of those particular lines haha

Turbulent changes

Like a chaotic sea,

Between dream to dream,

With no in-between.


Overall I have nothing really to 'complain' about, minus the breaks? The spacings were a bit unusual to read but that's nothing one can't fix :)






Thanks for the review!! (:



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Mon Jun 14, 2021 1:12 pm
anne27 wrote a review...



Hi Niveda! Anne here to leave a quick review.
First of all, I really have to applaud you for the theme you've chosen. It's wonderful, great and really relatable!!

MEANING
The poem was very meaningful. Right before we fall asleep, we do experience those made-up scenarios of how things would be better than they are. Either it to remove the bad things or to insert all the pleasant new ones.
I especially loved the third-person narration in this poem, as if the poet you is observing the normal you doing the midnight ponderings. I really loved that idea!!

LANGUAGE
The language was beautiful.

Between dream to dream,

With no in-between


About the what-might-have-beens

And the shouldn't-have-dones,

These thoughts form a maze

In your puzzled-up brain,

These were some of my favorite lines. Incredible job with the language.

Whenever I review a poem, I try to leave a suggestion too. For yours, too, I'll leave one, even if the poem is perfect without changing!

I personally felt
Of soft slumber,

Whispered words

Of the half-asleep.

Turbulent changes

Like a chaotic sea,

The comparison to turbulent changes was not so smooth, and it also doesn't really flow with the last two lines. What I mean is, even though I do understand what you are trying to convey, but I feel, that even though changes between dreams are drastic, it couldn't be compared to the chaotic sea. My justification will be, that in a chaotic sea, we usually think of the clash between water and metal/wood of boat or the shore, but here dreams are like mixing liquids. They may be drastically different but they are essentially the same- part of our imagination! And sometimes, they become muffled and entwined into one. Not as separate waves.

That is just my suggestion, else is upto you.

I really enjoyed reading your remarkable poem. Keep writing! :)






Thanks for the review!! (:



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Sat Jun 12, 2021 7:45 pm
WinnyWriter wrote a review...



Hey, there! Nice job on this poem. It's so relatable, and you've captured the feeling pretty well. The way you've depicted dreams and thoughts as the sea help form a good mental image. I like how the first part seems to be describing half-awake, senseless almost-dreams that come as you're falling asleep, but then the poem proceeds to discuss more serious thoughts about regrets and possibilities. Great job!






Thank you! I'm glad you liked it! :D



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Sat Jun 12, 2021 6:15 pm
1dratherbewriting wrote a review...



I have no words, for you had said them all. This poem was absolutely incredible, im being serious. now lets get on to the review.
Glows
- structure. This poems consistent structure gave a sort of flowyness to the piece and added to the message.
- word choice. Your word choice was somewhat light and dreamy such as the midnight ponderings you talk about in this poem.

Grows
-repeats. although you word choice was amazing, sometimes you repeated the came word in lines next or close together. this isn't really a problem, however if you say idt out loud it is very easy to trip over your own words,

...And thats all folks. I really enjoyed reading your peice. keep writing!
1dratherbewriting out






Hey there! I'll try to fix those repeats, thanks for pointing that out.

Thanks for reviewing! :D



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Sat Jun 12, 2021 5:04 pm
MayCupcake wrote a review...



Hi, NivedaJames22!
Here's a short review for you today!

Gentle murmurs

Of soft slumber,

Whispered words

Of the half-asleep.

Turbulent changes

Like a chaotic sea,

Between dream to dream,

With no in-between.


This was my favorite part of the poem. I really liked the swishy flowy feel it had to it and the rhyming was done very well!

The only critiques I have are about the structure and the ending. The poem could have more meaningful emphasis on the different ideas if it was separated into stanzas. I realize it's a bit finnicky to organize poems in YWS, but you're able to achieve this in the html side of the publishing center by pasting this in:

Midnight ponderings<br>
Over mindless matters,<br>
Dreams that drift<br>
Into wispy nothings,<br>
One minute it's there,<br>
The next it's not.<br>
<br>
Gentle murmurs<br>
Of soft slumber,<br>
Whispered words<br>
Of the half-asleep.<br>
Turbulent changes<br>
Like a chaotic sea,<br>
Between dream to dream,<br>
With no in-between.<br>
<br>
And then there's the thoughts<br>
That float around in tranquility,<br>
As you lie awake<br>
Right before you fall asleep.<br>
<br>
Those midnight ponderings<br>
Over mindless matters,<br>
About the what-might-have-beens<br>
And the shouldn't-have-dones,<br>
These thoughts form a maze<br>
In your puzzled-up brain,<br>
Just before you nod off,<br>
And drift into dreams.<br>


These thoughts form a maze

In your puzzled-up brain,

Just before you nod off,

And drift into dreams.


I really liked the concept of having someone finally fall asleep at the end of the poem. For some reason the word "dreams" messes up the flow for me at the very end. I feel like the word "sleep" would sound better in it's place.

Anyways, I enjoyed reading your poem! It showed both light and deep sleep as well as how our minds still want to work at the end of each day. The tone felt peaceful and comforting which is good to have in a poem about sleep! Take what you will from this and keep on writing!






Hey MayCupcake! Thanks for those critiques! Yeah, sleep would make more sense in the last line, and the line breaks that you've given are really nice. I'll fix that now.

Thanks for reviewing!! (:



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Sat Jun 12, 2021 4:10 pm
silented1 says...



This is a good poem.






Thanks! (:




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