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by NivedaJames22

Autumn leaves look beautiful

Don't they,

As they cascade to the ground,

Golden, yellow, red and brown,

Gloriously crumbling to dust.


Shooting stars are a magnificent spectacle

We all admire

With loud shouts of glee.

In reality, they're just pieces of rock,

Crashing down at high velocity.


They say that the coal

That bears

The most pressure shall turn to precious stone.

But what of the one that couldn't take it,

And simply ceased to exist?


Winners write the gloried pages

Of history,

And tell stories of their conquests

And legends and yore.

But what of the man who lost the war?


Those who succeed in life

Feel they haven't lived,

And those who don't, deeply regret it.

Then what is the point,

Of this endless race to be the best?


If I have no guarantee that

I'll win,

And if nothing breathes into me hope, 

Then what point is there

In staying trapped in this endless circle of life?


If death is what is admired,

In leaves and comets alike,

And if songs are sung of poets

Only after they pass,

Then why should I bother with life?


If reverence is for those who's bodies 

Are deep in the ground,

Then I think I'd rather lie down right now

Nestled in the earth's warm chest,

And sleep forever in eternal bliss.

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19 Reviews

Points: 8
Reviews: 19

Sun May 09, 2021 2:27 pm
Phillauthet wrote a review...

I love the concept described in this poem. It's very intriguing and thought-provoking. I never thought of things from this point of view before I read this poem. The title too is well-chosen. The examples are great, especially the one with the shooting stars.

This is not really related, but I feel that even dead, the people who have not done much good are not revered. If we directly give up, reverence will not reach us even after death.

I have just one thing you might consider changing, but it's not that important...

In the line 'And if songs are sung of poets', you are emphasizing only on the poets. I don't know if that's intentional, but you could give a more wide term, like 'great people' (that doesn't really fit in there... it's just an example)

Anyway, this poem was great!

About the great people instead of poets, it's a good suggestion, but I don't really have any ideas so yeah...

Thanks for reviewing! (:

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57 Reviews

Points: 4187
Reviews: 57

Tue Apr 13, 2021 11:14 pm
quitecontrary wrote a review...

Hi NivedaJames!

This poem really stood out to me for its descriptions and questions, and I loved the ending idea of "sleep[ing] forever in eternal bliss". I especially liked your shooting star stanza and the rhyme of "glee/velocity" :D I'm mostly going to focus on your stanzas in this review because your content and descriptions are very well developed.

The first thing I noticed was that your rhyme scheme isn't consistent, and it doesn't bother me much, I just think that for the sake of emphasis a consistent rhyme scheme would make your poem shine even more.

The second thing I noticed was your stanzas are all five lines long, and the first six stanzas(with the exception of stanza 5) have a really short second line. I don't think you take full advantage of this format, especially the shortened second line in each stanza. The enjambment doesn't enhance the poem for me in stanzas 2 and 3. In stanza two, I would move "we all admire" into the third line and write a different line for the second that reflects on the first, kind of like how you did in your first stanza. I think the second line works better as a pause between the first and third, instead of just a broken sentence. The same goes for the third stanza: I would add "that bears" to the first line and write something like "the flames / and pressure shall turn to precious stone". The enjambment should put emphasis on the second line, but if the second line doesn't have much meaning it falls flat.

Overall, I think my favorite metaphor was the dying shooting star. You really hit home with that one(even if 'meteor' would be more scientifically accurate :P). You might want to consider changing the title of your poem, because I don't think 'Reverence' fully captures you message, but that's just a little nitpick. I hope you find this review helpful!

Happy Writing!

Hey quitecontrary!
Actually, the rhyme scheme wasn't on purpose, it kinda just happened here and there.
I'll try working on the structure. Thanks for the suggestions.
Thanks for reviewing! :)

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17 Reviews

Points: 117
Reviews: 17

Tue Apr 13, 2021 10:30 pm
MellyBourne wrote a review...

This poem started with a very interesting premise. You managed to show death as something beautiful, kinda reminded me of my favourite movie, the Fountain (I cannot recommend it to you enough). I think at times you are trying a bit too hard to be dramatic, but I will not judge you because I haven't met you and don't want to make any bold assumptions about what you've been through and expierienced. You show death as a path to something great and ask what's the point of living with that in mind, and that made me wonder, perhaps life is what prepares you for the beauty of death. The poets are admired when they pass, because in life they gave us greatness and leaves turning to dust are looked upon only because they once grew and then fell. You kept me hooked throughout the whole thing, and managed to provoke me into a few deep thoughts. Great stuff really.

Thank you! Glad you liked it! (:

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Points: 300
Reviews: 1

Tue Apr 13, 2021 7:14 pm
Weird says...

The poem takes a darker turn into life itself, a question into the glorification of the dead and the meaning of life itself. Life is but the soil on which the death is thus build. If there isn't life, there shall be no proper death and thus no glorification of the dead. Life is the origin of death itself

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10 Reviews

Points: 236
Reviews: 10

Tue Apr 13, 2021 4:39 pm
Otterpop wrote a review...

This was a wonderful piece to read through. If someone read it as a collection of poems instead of a single piece of work, oh, would they miss that peak right at the end.

While there's not a lot of detail, there's so much powerful wordage packed into this piece in a way that really invokes all kinds of thoughts and emotions. And even at the very end it's both strong and calm all at the same time and really was a perfect way to end it.

I could be mistaken but this looks like free verse, and it was executed very nicely. If this was an assignment, this would definitely earn an A, and in my opinion an A+. If you intend to continue poetry writing, you've got some strong skills for it, and I hope for any future pieces you do just what you did here.

Again. Loved reading through this.

Thank you! Glad you liked it! (:

Noelle, you can lead a writer to their computer and give them coffee, but you can't make them write.
— CowLogic