Chapter-2
After the class, Anna stopped Ruth as she was heading out and said gratefully, “Thanks for distracting Ms. D’Souza. I don’t know what would have happened if you hadn’t stepped in…” her voice trailed off as she saw Ruth’s impatient expression.
“Yeah okay, don’t mention it. If you need to annoy someone, go piss off Talmeer. He’ll probably enjoy having his ego massaged. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go somewhere,” Ruth intervened.
Seeing Anna’s hurt look, her tone softened.
“Hey, I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to be mean. I just have to go right now, okay? Catch you later.”
So saying, she rushed out the door, leaving Anna to puzzle after her odd behavior.
“First she helps me out of a ditch, and then she snarks at me for thanking her,” she muttered to no one in particular.
“Yeah, she’s always been like that. Once, when we were in kindergarten, she screamed at a bully for pushing me into the sand pit. When tried to use my magic words, she kicked my shin. Sometimes I think that if she could run faster, she would make an excellent offensive footballer,” came Talmeer’s voice from behind, startling Anna.
She blushed, for Talmeer was one of the most popular guys in their school, and the best player in their junior football team. With his dreamy brown eyes, and a charming smile, Anna thought that he would make the perfect model for Apollo in the upcoming fashion show.
"Oh…that’s cool. So, you guys know each other for a long time, huh? Hey…I was wondering if you’d wanna do some modelling for the Greek Week fashion show,” Anna asked, blurting it all out to quick from nervousness.
“Yeah sure. That sounds like fun…Can I be Hercules?” Talmeer replied, striking a pose.
Anna laughed, and nodded her head.
"You know something, for a popular guy, you're really easy to talk to," Anna said in a matter-of-factly tone as she dug around her bag for a her notepad and a pencil.
Talmeer raised his eyebrows at her, amused,
"So, as per your assessment, popular guys are difficult to talk to, huh? That's interesting. Honestly, I must confide that I always found it exceedingly difficult to talk to beautiful artists," Talmeer replied with a theatrical sigh.
Anna blushed deep red right from the roots of her golden-brown hair to the tip of carefully manicured toes.
"When should I come along for the auditions?" Talmeer asked, trying to rescue Anna from her obvious embarrassment.
"If it's okay with you, right now is perfect. And by the way, your competition is nobody, nobody, and nobody in that order. So it isn't as much an audition as an empty formality. As long as you can look good posing, you're in," Anna replied, recovering as she turned her mind to more business-like matters.
"I have all the time in the world for you, my lady. Lead on, this brave knight shall follow," Talmeer said, with a little bow.
Anna curtsied back, at ease with Talmeer, now that the initial awe of talking to a high-school football legend had faded.
She started marching towards the art room at a brisk pace, with Talmeer at her tail.
Great writing, again, and although your characters aren’t deep (yet), they are comprehensible and entertaining. Your word choice is great, but I can only attribute the overly academic language to the top notch school, which would leave room for questioning how dumb can Anna be if she is present there? In this one, too, there are a few similar typos, and spaces in the middle of paragraphs, but as always, excellent work!
Hello! Here for a review!
First of all, increase the size of the letters and I guess the font colour is also a bit lighter than black. Pls change these things. It makes it hard to read. You should also give time on thinking how your readers find your story interesting only by seeing it, even before reading. There are several readers like that. Also, it's kinda hard to read moving it side by side. Maybe just write it on YWS. But, I am really curious about how you made it.
I blabbered a lot I guess. Now, coming to your story–
The story was a good one! It described their school life. I have a little question–do you have more than one main character? The title is the story of an introvert. So, I deduce there is only one main character and that is Ruth. If yes, you should add more of Ruth's part in this chapter.
And I have a suggestion for you. Most of the novels revolve around incidences basically. As these chapters are a bit short, could you just post the chapters as 1.1, 1.2... instead of 1,2? Because those resembles parts of a chapter. When you feel an important incident has ended, you can just make it chapter 2– 2.1, 2.2... Like this. It's a mere suggestion.
Your story is a bit fast-paced I think. Time is flying very soon it seems. Could u just slower the pace a bit? And this chapter is a bit different from your actual topic. It doesn't shows an introvert in any way. I suggest you to expand this chapter a little becuz the reader will not be contented after reading this. Yes, of course, you can leave your reader with a thousand of questions after reading a chapter which makes the person to read the next one. But then also I suggest you to elaborate it a bit.
This is all. Hope it helps.
~Forever
@ForeverYoung299
I only realized yesterday that you had asked me to tag you when I write this...So, sorry about the delay but here's the second chapter. Also, I'm not sure if you read the first chapter after I extended it, so here's a link just in case:
The Story Of An Introvert-1
Hi NivedaJames22,
Mailice here with a short review!
I like how the story comes right into focus. You get a little insight into school life in your well written dialogues. I like how you've given the characters different sentence structures, which gives them all their own style and personality.
What I found a little strange for the short chapter was how the light turned more on Anna than Ruth, and for the rest of the chapter Anna was the focus (along with Talmeer). In the previous chapter it was shown more like Ruth was the main character, but apart from that brief interaction with Anna, there wasn't much there. This is not a negative criticism, it's just something that made me wonder a bit when I read it.
What's a little lacking for me in this chapter is how everything "floats" a little from the story. You created something tangible in the last chapter that isn't really there in this chapter. As mentioned above, I miss that inner life of Ruth. Now we have only seen the look of Anna and one can only conclude that Ruth seems a little unfriendly. If one did not read the first chapter, the reader might assume that Anna is the focus and then be surprised when Ruth is there in the following one.
If the next chapter is more about Ruth and told from her perspective, I think in contrast to this very dialogue-intensive chapter, there should be one where you describe more things. What do the places look like, the school, where they both are? What does Ruth see and how does she see it from her eyes? Maybe put in some thought processes from her so you discover more of the inner life of Ruth. Little differences like that would then affect the overall picture and make this chapter shine from a different light once again.
I think the only criticism I can make here is the structure of your text, that the lines are so long and you have to scroll the text back and forth. But I think that must have happened in the formatting.
In summary, I can say that you have a very good way of conducting the dialogues and sending the reader straight into this world with short and concise statements. What could be improved is the insertion of some descriptions - or should it be restructured in the next chapter as described above. I can't give an overall picture until I get to know Ruth better. I'm curious to see what happens next.
Have fun with the writing!
Mailice.
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