[Might lengthen this poem later. Idk]
Woke up this morning, first of October,
the leaves will turn brown today, they say;
That's the same thing they said last year.
When I look out of my window, however,
the leaves still look pretty green,
and it's only my soul that seems to be
solely in monochromatic grey, dull, empty, and blank.
~
They say Halloween will be here soon,
and by the thirty-first of October, they say
all the ghosts will be at their strongest.
My ghosts, they don't ever leave me;
They're permanent residents in my mind and heart
and an unwelcome but persistent presence in my nightmares.
They will forever haunt me, regardless of month or year.
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Canary word: Present
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October Fever
Hey there! Jasper's review time <3.
This poem was actually very solid and I really enjoyed it.
A few critiques I'd like to add include the following:
I was a little confused at the contradicting moods. For example, in your lines, "monochromatic grey, dull, empty, and blank" I want to imagine a ghostly Halloween town with a chilling atmosphere. However, I can't because of the earlier lines stating that it is still green outside. While they are both fine to put in the poem, I would suggest adding a little clarification. Maybe say the still-green leaves were tinted by the dull and grey mood.
I'd also like to add that I really like the concept of relating to "your ghosts", but it is a bit rushed into. To give the poem more appeal, I would suggest relating to "your ghosts" earlier in the poem, instead of just stating that halloween has ghosts and so do you.
Overall, I really enjoyed this poem and it really put me in the spooky season spirit. Great work! Keep it up!!!I can't wait to read more of your upcoming works
P.S congrats on getting literary spotlight!! It's well-deserved.
Hey Jasper!
Umm about the green leaves and monochromatic grey, I kind of wanted to present a contrast between the narrator's surroundings and how they feel inside. What I meant to say was that the leaves outside are fresh and green, but the narrator feels a sort of blank void within. Sorry if that wasn't clear.
About this, I agree. The whole poem feels like it could be lengthened a bit more, and I probably will in a bit.
Thanks for the review! :>
hi Neveda its me here to give you an review
First off Neveda your poem is all about Halloween and yeah we get it we all support the Halloween spirit and some of us like Halloween cause we know we y'all gets candy when is the day to trick and treat and Nevada you could do better off with starting holiday poems to like thanksgiving and another holiday thats what i im really thinking Neveda
My compliment Neveda is when did you know how to start doing like halloween poems cause now you should do a another one that should go with the next halloween poem Neveda and your poem was actually pretty fine
how you can improve is start being a good poem writer Neveda and i know you can do better i have faith in you that you can win this Neveda and i know that i read most of all of your poems Neveda
have a good day Keep writing!!!
~jay~
Hi! Rida here for a review!!
First of all- Congratulations on hitting literary spotlight!! This poem definitely deserved it!
Glows:
This poem was very melancholy and hauntingly beautiful, and you did a great job setting a grey, dull scene despite the lines:
“When I look out of my window, however,
the leaves still look pretty green,”
Where we imagine that the world is colourful and the narrator is sort of….. grey and bleak.
Like November clashing with summer?
I also just LOVED your second stanza, especially the lines:
“ They say Halloween will be here soon,
and by the thirty-first of October, they say
all the ghosts will be at their strongest.
My ghosts, they don't ever leave me;”
Anyways, this poem was a masterpiece.
Grows
I didn’t really see any mistakes at all, here! Good job!
Thanks for sharing the poem!
Keep writing!
-rida
Thanks, rida! I'm glad you liked it!! :>
^_^
I loved it!
Cool poem.I feel like this has something more to it than Halloween.I wonder what kind of person this narrator is to have past problems and associate them with October.My favorite parts in the poem were these lines:”They will forever haunt me,regardless of month or year.” These lines are haunting and beautiful.Great job on the poem and I hope you have a lovely day/night.
Thank you!