I do love to be outdoors
And eat lots of gooey s'mores
For I went camping at Elmbois
And had no need for any toys
Oh, how I do love camping!
But not the abomination called glamping
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125,028 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
Woot Woot!
positives
I tend to dislike repeating lines, but the "I do love to be outdoors" and "how I do love camping!" seem to work together well here. It might be because the poem is shorter and it wraps up the theme nicely, or it could be because the lines are both still quite simple in imagery but different in the areas where it is needed to be a little different.
The narrator figure is entertained enough while camping, so they don't need other forms of entertainment - that shows they actually do enjoy the experience for the memories they'll have forever instead of something that has an expirations date; s'mores, mementoes that came from the journey, etc. are all temporary things.
I also find that the narrator's voice is very energetic, and that works for everything occurring here. That also would make it even harder to concentrate on the moments and not the things, I believe. I was like that when I was younger, and it honestly ruined a lot of fun experiences I can't do anymore and I am really envious of as I get older and older.
suggestions
I mentioned the toys line, but I must also say that I wish there was more to why they didn't need toys. I filled in the blanks and assumed that it's because of the fun they're having, but assumptions are often vague and incorrect in general. I believe lines can often create a mental scene, and the one here is rather bland and missing things.
I find that in "But not the abomination called glamping" too. The abomination factor is a nice way to show a dislike towards it, but why exactly do you dislike it? Is it the lack of originality? Or the fact some people who glamp are damaging the environment with all of the equipment they use? Is it something else altogether?
I think all kinds of versions of the questions above can be asked about any poetry really, no matter who wrote it or when they wrote it.
And now I'm done with this one!
Cheers! <3
Thank you! rhyming isn't my strong suit, so this poem wasn't the best I've done. Cheers!
Hello there,
I really enjoyed the first poem (camping), so I’m here for just a little review of the second one! I love how much imagery and description you packed into these six lines. Your rhymes were playful and really set the mood. I loved how you shunned ‘glamping’ at the end there. I actually hadn’t heard of that word beforehand, and the definition definitely made me smile.
Great word choice! Overall, this was a sweet poem and I enjoyed it as much as the first!
~SpiderFingers~
thanks for the review!
Your welcome
Hey there MomoandAppa! I'm here to review this very cute poem.
After reading some of your poems, I've come to love your style of writing poetry. It's cute, fun, and lighthearted, which makes them very enjoyable reads. This poem of yours is no exception; I love how playful this is. It is simple but brought a smile to my face. I really liked this poem! I have only a few things I'd like to mention since this poem is on the shorter side. These are just suggestions, so please ignore them I you don't agree!
The first thing I would like to mention is imagery. I think it would be great to include some more imagery into this! For example,
I love how you describe the s'mores as gooey, but what else are they? Toasted? crumbly? melting? If you don't want to make this poem too long, perhaps you could just add another descriptor. If you are looking to expand this, I think it would be great to elaborate on the taste of the s'mored. Were they as hot as the burning sun you sat underneath? Or maybe you eat s'mores at night, I don't really know xD
Why? What about the outdoors do you love so much? This would be a great section to elaborate on, especially if you want to make this longer. These are just some thoughts though, so please don't hesitate to ignore them if you disagree
The next thing I'd like to mention is rhyme. I love your rhyme, especially since it adds to the playfulness of this poem. My favourite lines are your last two. I love how you call glamping an abomination xD I only had two specific lines I wanted to take a look at
The rhyme of "toys" seemed a bit forced for the sake of rhyming, at least for me. If it wasn't, then I didn't really enjoy the line in general. But that's just my personal taste!
One last thing I'd like to mention is punctuation. Punctuation is a stylistic choice, so if you don't agree with me, please ignore this! You only have one line that uses punctuation
If you're going to use punctuation in just one line, I'd recommend using it in other places too. In the spoiler below, I'm going to put how I personally would punctuate this poem. Now this is just a suggestion!
Spoiler
And eat lots of gooey s'mores,
For I went camping at Elmbois
And had no need for any toys.
Oh, how I do love camping!
But not the abomination called glamping.
If anything, I think it would be nice to end this poem with a period to give a sense of finish. But again, completely up to you!
And that's it! Overall, I think this was such a cute and lovely poem. I really love reading all of your works, and I hope this helped!
thanks star!
Hello there, @MomoandAppa! It's Vilnius, here to review the second part of your poem.
So, my first impression this time isn't that you're thinking/talking about the joys and sorrows of camping as much as you're reminiscing your most recent camping trip.
I really like that this poem has more structure than its predecessor. By establishing a rhyme scheme and keeping it almost entirely consistent, you've really improved it! I also like the rhythm you've kept consistent in it as well.
I do feel like that final line seems out of place and a bit forced. It's longer than the other lines. Each set of couplets has had a very similar number of syllables, but that final line just really throws the rest of it off.
Overall, I really do think that your poetry has improved from Part One to Part Two!
Have a nice [*insert time of day here*]!!!
thanks!
Hello MomoandAppa,
I love your username btw.This is a cute little poem. The formatting has changed drastically, but it still has the same theme: love for camping. I love the rhymes and the rhythm moves at a good pace. I also love how you describe s'mores. That is so true!
I didn't know glamping was a word until I looked it up. It made me smile. How dare glamping disrespect the true art of camping?
Great job!
Athena
thanks for the review!
hmmn..good.let me try...I love to be indoors.Eating lots of peanuts.For i planned on camping at home.And i had no need for a visitor.I do love staying at home now!But not the bored type of camping!.
The poetry is good,and is interesting,short and well-composed.but what's a gooey s'mores?
A s'more is a marshmallow squished between a graham cracker and chocolate.
okay
Helloooooo momo! LP here for another review,
I went back and read your first poem about camping and wow has it changed! I like the format the poem is in, plus all the descriptive words making me feel like I was there eating s’mores with you :j. Even though this poem is shorter it still is really cool, hope to see more from you!
As always,
LP
thanks!
No problemo!