on examining life

I love the how this flows as you read it! The imagery of rot sticks in my mind and I think it's an interesting connection to life. Very thought-provoking! I especially like

all we can / discover is the / next best thing / to nourishment,

because it seems particularly hopeful!

Liminality!

Thanks so much for such a thought-provoking poem The first read-through I was like "wut?" and figured I was missing something, as I am apt to do when reading poetry, so I gave it a few more read-throughs and I liked it more and more with each time that I read it. And honestly, I kind of appreciate that virtue in poetry? Like, of course, it's frustrating to not understand right away, but identifying a deeper meaning through meditating on a poem is really hard to make work well, so kudos to you for balancing the imagery well and making this an excellent poem.

peeling rotten fruit

rotten at the root

we are rot

chasing down flesh

with big grins

I think this was the stanza I struggled most to understand. It feels like the metaphor shifted in the third line here to make the connection of the imagery you're using, but I'm having trouble with all the lines fitting together, if that makes sense? At the same time, I really like the vibes of the "rotten at the root" line. I'm not sure what I'm suggesting here, I just don't love the way this stanza flows.

Stanzas 2 and 3 OMG SHEER PERFECTION I loved these soooo much. They are really clear with the meaning you're trying to get across and I just absolutely adore the imagery you chose for them. These are probably my favorite bit of the poem.

rot lying still.

we think, sorrowfully

but maybe the

sleeping rot does

not consider that

it is rot.

I've been sitting here for so long trying to find a way to comment on this and keep not finding a great way to express what I'm feeling. But I feel like that is another mark of a great poem, giving me so many emotions I can't really explain what it is that I'm feeling at all lol. Like, I am p r e t t y sure that I understand the deeper meaning here and it's so profound and just... wow. <33

what do we

know for sure

distinguishes carbon compounds,

good and bad?

one creature's waste

whets fungal appetites.

*happy science noises*

peeling rotten fruit

rotten at the root,

all we can

discover is the

next best thing

to nourishment, or

Ooh we're back to this imagery! Okay, I think I have a better idea of what rubbed me wrong in the first stanza. I think it's the first line of "peeling rotten fruit" that I'm having trouble with. Because now that we have all the philosophical thoughts and such from the rest of the poem I really like the "rotten at the root" line now, even more than I did at first, but I'm still having a hard time understanding how the first line relates, if that makes sense?

Also, I love how you transition from the previous thought of decomposers back to the similar theme of nourishment and such. You are delighting the biologist here

to nourishment, or

.:

are we such

perfectionists we cannot

settle for even

vacuum-packed beliefs?

.: maybe this decay

can do something

for us, too.

I feel like this might be too-nitpicky of a critique, but I don't really love the way these stanzas got split up? Like I think I would have preferred if the "or" went with the next stanza because right now it makes the one it's with feel a bit incomplete to me?

The second to last stanza also feels a bit... off? to me too. I wish I knew more about poetry so I could actually be helpful It might just be you crammed so many more syllables into this stanza than you did the rest of the poem? Like, aside from the "distinguishes carbon compounds" almost of the lines only have a few words/syllables and then "perfectionists we cannot" and "vacuum-packed beliefs" just feels like it's adding a whole lot more to have to process and kind of throws off the flow a bit.

I like your last stanza, though! It goes back to the philosophical vibes and is a nice wrap up to the themes in this poem.

Overall, this is just a lovely poem and you did such a great job with it! It was a pleasure to read and I'm so glad you chose to share it with us <33

~Shady

Hey Lim!! So I saw you writing this, and I can't help but want to leave some quick comments!

I'm going to have to disagree with the other two reviews on this matter, but I love how you use the continual repetition of "rot" and the similar mix of "root" as it creates a great sound for the poem and emphasizes that we're all rotten through-and-through as the reader (and speaker) just can't get away from it. It makes the form of the poem mimic the content, which is something I'm always looking for and excited to see.

I also enjoy the light twists you do of plato's philosophy like ->

"rot lying still.
we think, sorrowfully
but maybe the
sleeping rot does
not consider that
it is rot."

which evokes the question -> is the unexamined life worth living, or is it just like someone sleeping and not knowing they're really rotting?! The metaphor of rotting makes Plato's premise much more concrete.

I also like that it feels like the speaker is going back and forth a little bit with what is right and wrong regarding this, which makes the reader question things for themselves.

Also I found this stanza to be pretty mind-trippy in a good way !!

what do we
know for sure
distinguishes carbon compounds,
good and bad?
one creature's waste
whets fungal appetites.

It's really hard to say that fungus or rot is bad when phrased that way; it's all very relative.

I think my only suggestion would be that I'm not quite sure what's being referred to with the "vacuum-packed beliefs" and I think you could delve a little more into that, and I'm also very curious about what exactly the decay might be good for, as you ask in the final three lines, but I find it really intriguing!

Another small suggestion I don't think that stanza 2 and 3 need to be separated out since they seem continuous, but I did want to say, I really love the image of two pieces of rotten fruit poking at each other's rottenness - the metaphor there just can go so many different interpretive directions, and I like it!

Overall, really interesting stuff! Let me know if you had any questions about my review, or wanted comments on something specific I missed since I just kind of went for my first overall impressions.

Keep on writing forever ~

~alliyah

(very much a side-side note, but have you ever read "Annihilation" by Jeff VanderMeer? There's a crazy light-house keeper in the book that has this whole spooky sermon/monologue about being rotting fruit and your poem reminded me of the vibes from that book! It's a really spooky, visceral image for sure!)

Screeech! Yoshi is here! Hey lim, great poem by the way!

First, I think this is a really interesting, philosophical poem! I love it! Poems with deeper meanings are always mind-boggling.

peeling rotten fruit

rotten at the root

we are rot

chasing down flesh

with big grins

I think this is a great start. Why? Because you start with a rhyme. Even though most of your poem doesn't have rhymes, as long as you start with a rhyme, the reader immediately gets interested. Great job!

hoping to find

new truths by

poking at each

other's rotten forms

This is the point where the wording gets repetitive. You've already used "rot" and "rotten" in the last stanza, so this stanza should use a different word. (I'm talking about the last line.) Possibly you could have "shriveled" or "decayed" although "decayed" is already used later so I highly advise against.

revealing where seeds

fell through, or

were secretly made

of mushroom spores

Love the metaphorism! How you use seeds and mushroom spores is perfect since you mentioned "fruit" and "root" at the very beginning!

rot lying still.

we think, sorrowfully

but maybe the

sleeping rot does

not consider that

it is rot.

Although this is my personal opinion, you could have made one of the "rot"s in here a different word. I know I stated earlier that repetition is not the best, but in this situation, using "rot" multiple times is very nice. Personally though, I think I would remove one of the "rot"s.

what do we

know for sure

distinguishes carbon compounds,

good and bad?

one creature's waste

whets fungal appetites.

This is a great sentiment, but is really confusing to read. Even though I like it very much, "distinguishes carbon compounds" is too long for the stanza and too advanced for many readers. For some readers, they would see the stanza and become bored instantly. I would suggest a shortened or simplified version.

peeling rotten fruit

rotten at the root,

all we can

discover is the

next best thing

to nourishment, or

Ah, I see. Okay, now this is the correct form of repetition. Repeating a few lines later in the poem is a great way to enforce a topic, theme, or mood. Great job!

Final views: So this poem is . . . how do I say it? . . . deep, I guess. Poems like this are few and far between so I'm very happy that you wrote this and very happy that I stumbled upon it. Really the only thing I can find you can improve here is word usage, but that's not the biggest problem. Your stanzas and line spacings are not exactly equal, but that depends on the writer. Awesome work!

Anyways, I hope you were satisfied with this review!

Remember the Alamo. Remember Goliad. Remember Fireworks.

-y0shi