This is based more on the movie, as I could never do the book justice.
Tear it apart. Kill it.
~
Polka dotted and make-up splattered, Lavander Brown planted her bulbous lips on Ron Weasley's. All the Gryffindors roared like their animal emblem, Hermione even noticed a slight grin on Harry's shocked, yet amused, face. She did not share such enthusiasm, instead bile rose to her throat and her heart felt like it had been torn out of place.
Hermione Granger sprinted out of the Gryffindor common room and went downstairs, wanting to put as much space between herself and the makeout scene taking place. Ever since Ron had opened his arms for her at Buckbeak's execution, she thought he would always be there, arms wide, ready to embrace her anytime. Even though she'd never admitted it, even to herself, she knew that she liked him; like likeed him. Now that dementor of a girl, Lavander Brown (what a stupid name), had come sucking out any happy feelings she had towards him. Hermione gagged, seeing the image of Lavander's mouth against Ron's in her mind.
Hermione stopped running and grabbed her stomach as bile flew from her mouth. Mouths, the thought just made her feel worse. She collapsed onto the seventh floor platform, curling up in a ball. She cried away any hope of a life with Ronald Weasley.
Hermione heard a creak behind her and jumped in fright. "Who's there?" she asked, a shiver running down her spine. No one answered, but the creaking continued. She collected all her Gryffindor courage (for at that moment she would have rather stayed on ground until she died of dehydration) and stood up, turning around to face the corridor. On the far end oc the corridor wall, Hermione saw the Room of Requirement doors slowly closing. Hermione found her strength and ran until she pushed open the doors and fell inside, for at that moment she required something more than anything; something to take away the pain she was feeling.
She didn't recognise the room in this form. It looked like an old junk shop, with a neverending supply of disgarded objects, stacked right to the ceiling. There were half torn sofas, piles of books (which she would have fancied exploring if she hadn't been in a state of despair) and even a broken record player. Hermione walked deeper into the room, looking at the strange objects through tear-flooded eyes.
Suddenly there was a crash to her left, Hermione gasped and swung around. Facing her was Draco Malfoy. He looked scared out of his wits, a state she had never seen him in before. He almost seemed human.
"Grang... Granger." He stuttered and fumbled with the Hawthorne wand in his shirt pocket. Hermione thought he must have been in shock at seeing her there. She reasoned that this part of the Room of Requirement was a place where people hid things, a place where they hid themselves.
She took one step towards him. "I guess we all have our secrets."
This was absolutely amazing! I think you should write more in this area (Dramione fanfics – I ship it so hard), because you definitely did a great job. I love the way you portrayed both Hermione and Draco, and the ending was great. You’re a wonderful writer.
Happy review day, ma'am. how good do you feel when I call you "ma'am"?
Well, let's start reviewing this piece. (I don't know why but I think I have read this before too. Maybe, in my dreams. idk!)
Let's start with the nitpicks first!
She did not share such enthusiasm, instead bile rose...
she thought he would always be there...
(what a stupid name)
On the far end oc the corridor wall...
Hi! Sunset here for a review.
What a nice short! I especially love the ending; it is probably my favorite part. The idea of having the story in Hermione's point of view was interesting. It really gave the reader a sense of how she felt.
I found one mistake: "like likeed". Not that it is anything big, but I'd change that.
Will the story continue? What happens to Hermione and Draco Malfoy? Please add on, it was a bit short. Discriptive, interesting, but a little short. Great job leaving it at a cliff hanger. To me, personally, I want to read more.
I have one more suggestion. I would recommend discribing the Room of Requirement more. It will get the reader to think about the room, and then you won't rush to the end.
Nice work!
-Sunset101
Hello. Kanome here with a review.
I loved how you used a scene from the actual movie to start off, because it did happen after Gryiffindor won the Quidditch match.
I didn't see anything wrong with this short story so I'll just talk about what I liked about it.
First off, I liked the title of your work because I knew what it was going to be about. When I saw the title "Dramione", I was like... Draco and Hermione. That's cute.
You used real scenery from the movies, then used your own imagery to make a scene with Draco and Hermione. It makes me think that it could be a deleted scene from the movie, but it was never show because of the Harry Potter fan base.
I loved how you ended the story with the dialogue. It proves that Draco isn't all that perfect. That he, too, has some issues going on himself.
You left it to where Hermione and Draco can actually connected even though they are in different Houses, especially rivalry Houses.
All in all, this is an amazing piece.
I wish you can continue this, but it seems like this is only a short story.
Keep up the great work.
I can't wait to read more of your Dramione fanfiction,
Keep up the great work!
Kanome
Hey there, Dracula!
I'll just start with some things that I noticed while reading.
You have a really interesting beginning, starting with Ron and Lavander Brown kissing, but the very first half of that sentence is very awkwardly worded. I don't really understand what was trying to be said there in "Polka dotted and make-up splattered..." This dependent clause seems to take away from the beginning, since I stumbled over it and then the next sentence didn't have the full effect of me asking, "Well, why is Ron kissing Lavander?" I recommend rewording that somehow to better represent what was trying to be said.
This is really, really small, but the next two sentences in the first paragraph are both comma splices. So, they both contain two independent clauses which can stand on their own joined by only a comma. You can probably in a conjunction like but or and after the comma or replace the comma with a period. It'll help how its read and how it sounds.
Skipping down to the third paragraph, I'm assuming Hermione just threw up. But I'm not really sure. To be really technical here, I don't think the word bile here works that well, since there are plenty of better options and it was so freshly used only in the first paragraph. It's one of those 'almost' words in the situation where it's almost there but doesn't quite fit. Then the second sentence following it doesn't really make sense to me? Was she thinking about them kissing again? How come the word mouths would come to her mind so suddenly? Perhaps make the thought a little more clear on what was trying to be said (maybe even something like 'their mouths' could work).
For a short little piece, I quite enjoyed this, and aside from those spots I pointed out that you could work on, this flowed well and was a cute little story. Though, I'm kind of curious as to why Hermione sort of went with it. If I recall, the two didn't have a very good relationship at all, and usually went at it, but as a fan-fiction, this is your call.
Sorry the review is kind of short, but this itself is pretty short. Happy Review Day and Keep on Writing,
~Wolfare~
Hey, I'm Maddie and I'm here to review your work!
You have found my otp. (My Harry Potter OTP, but an OTP nonetheless.)
Couple spelling errors in there. They're easy enough to find, but I'll do it right now.
Should be *liked*like likeed him
Lavender*Lavander Brown
of*On the far end oc the corridor wall,
Did she actually puke? Just from a kiss? it doesn't seem like a Hermione-ish thing to do, really. I'd imagine she'd keep it in until farther away, like at the girls' bathrooms... Heh.Hermione stopped running and grabbed her stomach as bile flew from her mouth.
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