I'm writing flash fiction for school and I used this photo as a writing prompt.
----
Two aliens had transformed themselves into an elephant and a human infant in order to explore the earth unnoticed.
The infant, being pushed in a stroller, asked his companion, "Are you sure this disguise is working? Humans are staring."
The elephant replied, "There are lots of elephants and infants on this part of earth, we're fitting right in."
"Perhaps, but I think you forgot that when the infants mature, they like to destroy the elephants."
At that moment a gun was fired and the elephant toppled to the ground, taking the stroller with him.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,521 Literary Works • 672,595 Reviews
Some line edits:
The infant, being [delete "being"] pushed in a stroller, asked his companion, [colon instead of comma] "Are you sure this disguise is working? Humans are staring."
The elephant replied, [period or colon instead of comma] "There are lots of elephants and infants on this part of [or just, "on"] earth ["Earth"], [semicolon or period instead of comma] we're fitting right in."
"Perhaps, but I think you forgot that when the infants mature, they like to destroy the elephants."
At that moment a gun was fired[comma] and the elephant toppled to the ground, taking the stroller with him. ["taking the stroller with him" is too vague. A more concrete image would work better.]
Oh my gosh. XD
Dear Dracula,
EccentricRose has dropped by to read your lovely work! First off, that picture is so cool! I love elephants and children.
I like how you first made us think it was really an elephant, and then as we start to read, we realize it's not quite like that.
haha I love the part where "humans are staring." If it was an elephant and a baby, I'd be gawking too! This story is very intriguing.
The last part had quite a twist.Very interesting! I like how you provoked so many different emotions in such a small piece. That takes real talent.
~Rose