It was the first of December and all Santa’s elves were busy preparing for Christmas Eve. Almost all the toys were ready to be sent to good children all ‘round the world. Except for the toy kitchens. The little wooden pots and pans were piled against the wall, waiting to be painted, but no elves were to be seen.
“Where are my workers?” Santa bellowed, surveying the mess before him. “If these aren’t dry and packaged in twenty three days, lots of little chefs and scullery maids will spend Christmas in tears!” Santa jumped in fright when he felt a needle prick on his bottom. An angry elf had poked him!
“We’re on strike!” Squeaked the elf in charge of painting the pots and pans. “We refuse to work on the crappy minimum wage!” He put his mouse-sized hands on his hips and stamped his foot.
“Well what do you expect me to do?” Santa also put his bear-sized hands on his hips. “The North Pole won’t pay for itself! Hot chocolate is very expensive, and all my Mrs Clauses refuse to remove so much as their coats unless I throw hundred dollar bills at them!”
“We can’t even buy cheap dollar-store chocolate with the wages you pay us! We can only dream of hot chocolate! So until you pay us more, those children will just have to cry!” The elf climbed atop a work table so he was at least the same height as Santa’s well-fed belly.
“I will never pay you more! Tell the other elves to start working or I’ll just fire you all!” Santa rubbed his bottom, which was still sore after being poked by the bony elf’s finger.
“And then you’ll be out of business soon enough when the parents have to deal with the grumpy children! You can’t have Christmas without elves!”
“Exactly!” Santa bellowed. “Someone has to be the slave, so get back to work…” Santa looked at the ceiling, trying to think of the elf’s name. He couldn’t think of it, in fact, he couldn’t remember any of their names. The elves were all the same to him, they were only good for one thing: work. “You won’t be missed, tiny, insignificant creature. As soon as you’re gone, an infinite amount of younger elves will fight for your seat!”
“You know what?” The elf jumped down from the table, landing so quietly Santa didn’t notice until the elf was poking his butt again. “F**k this! I quit! I’ll just become self-employed!” Then the mouse-like being squeaked off down the hall, shouting curses at Santa, who wasn’t even listening.
Santa stared at the pile of wooden pots and pans which wouldn’t paint themselves. “This delay has cost me money, so I’ll just have to lower the wage for the next elves I hire. They won’t complain, there’s always some elf desperate for work!” Then he put his hands on his belly and ho-ho-hoed all the way back to his penthouse to drink hot-chocolate and throw money at Mrs Clauses.
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139,019 Literary Works • 672,398 Reviews
Hello!
I really liked this it was a unique twist on a well known study. I thought this story was hilarious. I didn't find any grammar mistakes.
In the 8th paragraph I think Santa's mind changes a little to quickly. That's the only real problem that I saw.
Overall I loved reading this and I can't wait to read more of your work.
Bye, have a nice day!
hello there..
it's quite an unexpected interesting piece of work that you created out there. it's was an enjoyable read..short and sweet!!
all the best!
Ok despite the uncalled cursing this made my day. You used a very creative, humorous, sick twist to a Christmas story. Which was absolutely hilarious, and unexpected so kudos. However, there was a few flaws that I found that I think I could help with. The first thing I would like to suggest is that you give the elf a name. Even though you made the point that Santa doesn't remember the elve's name, I thin you should have kept in mind that this is not in Santa's point of view. Giving the elf a name would have given the reader a stronger idea of the elf (trust me, names can go far). Also, giving the elf a name would make the story easier to read and understand.next, Ok so I love that you opposed Santa and the elf with "mouse and bear sized hands" but, "Santa also put his bear-sized hands on his hips." Using the word "also" in the place that it is makes it sound either like Santa did some other action or like they both have bear sized hands. So maybe just taKe "also" out completely and d let the reader connect the dots, or just reword it. After that, I think the plural stripper Mrs. Clause(s) is positively hilarious! However I took me a few retreads to understand, I believe that is due to lack of punctuation, but it could also be because of how unexpected it is (which would be a good thing)...sorta. I also noticed that Santa sort of snapped...bipolar Santa? In paragraph 8, Santa first tells the elf to get back to work, but then he says he won't be missed. THEN the elf quits. This just doesn't quite make sense, so if you are going to edit this I would suggest revising that. The last thing I think could be repaired on this story is that, well Santa is kind of an idiot... He is supposed to be a jerk, so why didn't he just lie to the elve's about paying more, butctually not. Plus the story says nothing about the other elve's quiting yet, in paragraph 10 it gives off the idea that all the other elve's quit.
Overall very funny twist on Christmas story, my biggest suggestion is that you just slow down next time and think deeper about the character's actions.
-FC
Well, I've seen Russian and black Santa Claus, and now that I've seen jerk Santa Claus all I need is a Female Santa Claus and I'll have a complete collection.
I laughed out loud when the Mrs. Clauses were mentioned, and I had the idea of a drunk mall Santa Claus screaming at little children asking to sit on his lap (for some reason). That might be the inspiration for this. If it is, I'd like to see the video.
Anyway, good job. This isn't a critique, mostly because I can't find anything wrong with it. And thank you for the read.