Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Short Story » General


Wilf's Telescope

by Dracula


"Pops! I see something!" Darla pressed her face against the eye-piece of the telescope, her ginger hair waving in the cool evening breeze.

"Let me see!" Her older brother, Tarris, jumped out of the rickety lawn chair and shoved her aside, looking eagerly into the night sky. "It's a meteorite! I'm sure it is!"

Wilfred, who had been getting on in life, lifted himself off the picnic rug and helped his great-granddaughter stand. "Now, now, don't push your sister around, or I won't let you up here anymore." The old man's face was so wrinkled that his skin resembled an elephant's, but his age had not dampened his enthusiasm for space. Or Christmas; he still wore the same reindeer headband. "What did you see?"

"A meteorite!" Tarris guided the telescope across the sky, clearing watching something fly. "It looks weird though..."

Darla put her two little hands on Wilf's shoulders and said in her quiet voice, "I think it's the you-know-what." She winked as she named the object.

Wilfred's lips curled into a smile, and he was about to say something when Tarris interrupted. "That's just a story, silly! Meteorites are real, I learnt about them in science!"

"No it's not!" Darla protested. "The space-man is real, Pops said so!" She stamped her foot against the picnic rug for emphasis, but only the crickets noticed her.

Tarris kept following the mysterious object in the sky, muttering about bragging to his friends at school. Wilf paid no attention to him, and took Darla's hand, leading her to the telescope.

"Move aside," he said to the boy, "it's my turn now." The old man kneeled on the damp lawn, groaning as his knees struggled to hold his weight. When he leant in to see through the eyepiece, his antlers fell off.

"Here you go, Pops." Darla, being the sweet girl that she was, stood on her tip-toes and placed them back on his grey head. "What can you see?"

He laughed, shaking his head in disbelief. "Take a look for yourself. You too, Tarris. Then we better go inside, we've got to bake some cookies for Santa." Wilf pushed himself onto his feet, and looked up into the sky. He waved at a distant star, and knew someone was waving back.

Darla gasped, her eyes shining. She knew all the stories her Pops told her were true, but she'd never had any proof; now she did. It wasn't a meteorite, it was a blue box, and inside it was a skinny man in a tight suit, waving right at her.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar


Points: 332
Reviews: 3

Donate
Mon Feb 08, 2016 9:04 pm
View Likes
emmalokidiaries wrote a review...



Yay! Oh my gosh I love this. I've been looking through fanfiction and I found yours. I love Doctor Who and Wilf has to be one of my all time favorite characters. I don't see many stories with Wilf as one of the main characters so I was already hooked. THe two kids remind me of me and my cousin and how we would be if The Doctor came and I loved it. And the ending sentence is just perfect. I just love this!




Dracula says...


Thanks!



User avatar
79 Reviews


Points: 250
Reviews: 79

Donate
Sun Dec 06, 2015 10:11 pm
View Likes
Sevro wrote a review...



Hi Dracula! This was a cute little story. I saw below that creativeslayer365 said that "Wilfred" was from something else. I don't know anything about this, but if this story is based off of said "thing", my review will most likely make no sense:).

You portrayed the ages of the characters very well, even though you didn't say what they really were. I imagined Tarris to be, maybe, 14-16, typical teenage boy. I think Darla was probably 3-5, a young, impressionable girl. Wilfred was obviously old, but not too old to love his great grandchildren.

I loved the part, "She stamped her foot against the picnic rug for emphasis, but only the crickets noticed her". That really stood out to me as an excellent display of your capacity to be creative and clever. Little bits of detail like this one were all throughout this short, and it made it very readable and flowing.

Great job with this short story!

~Caterpickle




User avatar


Points: 253
Reviews: 2

Donate
Sun Dec 06, 2015 9:25 am
View Likes
creativeslayer365 wrote a review...



Thank you for writing something about Wilf!!! He was one of my favorite minor characters and you never really see people writing about him. I also love the names Darla and Tarris!

I will start off by saying that for such a short story, you had great character description and plot development. I liked how you had Wilf taking his grandchildren out star-gazing as I could picture him doing.

The only thing that I would say is to maybe just have a little more at the end to give some closure to the story. The ending was nice, but you left it like a very hard cliffhanger. Maybe give just a couple sentences about what Darla was thinking, about the infinite possibilities and such.

This was a great oneshot and I can't wait to read your other Doctor Who works

Never stop writing
~M





And then, as if written by the hand of a bad novelist, an incredible thing happened.
— Bartimaeus of Uruk