The waves swept past the ankles of Lucius Malfoy and his son. Their magic having been blocked by the cursed water, they were as helpless as muggles. Directly infront of the Malfoys was a small bookstore, and on its roof sat a group of muggles and similarly powerless wizards.
"We've got to get up there, father." Draco whimpered, knowing that if they didn't do something they would no doubt be swept away by the rising water.
Lucius looked at his son in disgust. "Our own kind has turned against us, made us mudbloods. We shall die here with our pride."
The water rose to Draco's knees, and he felt his body sway against the force of it. He looked at Hermione and Harry on the roof top, watching his every move. He couldn't figure out if they were curious or worried. Draco clenched his fist. "I don't want to die, I want to live and find a way to reinstate my power."
Lucius scoffed. "If there was a way I wouldn't be here with water up to my chest!"
Harry lent as far as possible over the roof top, holding his arm down towards the water. He couldn't reach far, but if Draco jumped he would be able to haul him up. "Draco." His eyes met the Slytherin's. "Take my hand."
His father placed a hand on his shoulder. "Son, you must die a Malfoy, not live a mudblood."
"I don't want to die!" Draco wadded forward in the water and stretched his arm towards Harry. There was at least a metre between their hands.
"You have to jump! Jump now!" Hermione begged. She had never felt anything for the blonde haired boy, but she couldn't bare to watch him drown.
"I can't jump in this water!" He thrust a fist into the waves with frustration.
Lucius watched on from behind his son. He had always meant to raise Draco well, everything he had done was to make the boy strong, to turn him into a pureblood man. But there had always been something between them. He had never shown Draco love, only dissapointment. Even if Draco would live as a muggle, it was time to put pride aside and do something out of love.
"Draco." Lucius treked through the heavy water, now almost at their necks, and clasped his hands around his son's waist. "I've always loved you, I'm proud of you." He raised his son towards the roof until Draco's hand could take Harry's. Then he let go and fell into the water, being swept away into an abyss of water and certain death.
Harry and Hermione pulled the Slytherin onto the roof, then Hermione wrapped her arms around him as he watched his father being consumed by the water. She knew what it was like to lose a parent; she, like Harry, had lost both.
Harry watched on. Even with all his hatred of Lucius Malfoy, he was saddened as the cursed waters took him into the afterlife. Lucuis had been brought into the world by purebloods, and it was purebloods who had created the flood and taken him away.
Harry didn't know how they would defeat the dark wizards without magic, but no matter what happened, he and his friends would find a way.
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
This was beautiful, especially with the way Hermione reacted after Draco was pulled out of the water. I also like how Lucius actually helped Draco instead of dragging him into his own choices. If you wanted, this could be turned into a longer story. This one is very good.
Hey, Dracula!
As the person below me said, you have some spelling errors, and keep in mind that in the books, Draco is usually called Malfoy. That's all you need to fix. So I'll just compliment you on what you did, because it makes a person feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
I like how at the end, Lucius not only shows a little regret, he repents for what he's done and admits that he loves Draco. It gives the reader a little "awwww" moment inside, and that helped for the feel of the chapter.
The thought of Hermione and Draco (I can imagine a bunch of teenage girls out there trying to create shipping names) becoming something is a bit cute, and completely unexpected. It's a good skill, though, because if everything in a fanfiction is just like the book, it gets so tedious, doesn't it?
The end of this work is a sorta cliffhanger, the ones that make everyone want to read on and say, "Ya! Ya! Go Harry!" and yada yada. But it's important that if you do the same thing on and on and on until everyone gets bored, nobody'll like the end too much, and it won't get them excited for the next thing.
Other than that, you're fine! So happy writing and Happy Review Day! Sadly, I did not join a team early enough...I completely forgot...>.>
P.S. Are you jazzydracula?
-wisegirl22
Thanks!! And yes, yes I am.
Oh, okay.
this was quite a worthwhile read, it being short, sweet, and fanfiction of harry potter! many points described the original characters' personalities quite well, with draco's swinging loyalty based on who was more convenient for him at the time and his father's love for him shining through whatever amount of pride he had. just a few things in your spelling caught my attention, though-- "infront" = "in front", "lent" = "leant", "wadded"= "waded", "dissapointment" = "disappointment". other than that, it was very good!
Hey, Dracula. Never fear, Adrian is here for a Review Day review.
I am a huge Harry Potter fan, and I am also a huge fanfic fan. So I am delivering this review with much enthusiasm.
While I am very aware that this was a dream, it could also have been fleshed out a little more. This is only 600+ words of a fanfic that has very much potential. When I read the description for the story, it told the reader the key parts of the story. There is only one mention of the purebloods creating the flood, and that is a very big part of the story. Like, that information needs to be given within the first few paragraphs. That will help the reader relax into the story, because they will know a bit of what's going on.
Made them mudbloods? Mudbloods is just a word for 'muggleborns' and earlier this had stated that they were as helpless as muggles. This can be taken several different ways, though. That the Malfoys view muggleborns as muggles, therefore they use the three words interchangeably. (Which is very plausible.) Or that muggleborns will never be as powerful as halfbloods or purebloods, so their magic has been restrained to lower levels. OR that, that was simply a typo and I'm reading into this too much.
The act of love that Lucius pulled seemed... a little abrupt. He was just telling his son that he should die a Malfoy, rather than live a muggle. Then he suddenly looks back at his life choices and decides that he had been terrible father and preforms one good last deed. It's sweet, but it also seems a little out of character. "He had never shown Draco love, only dissapointment." (Also, "dissapointment" is misspelled. It should be "disappointment") It says in his wikipedia that he was one of the only Death Eaters to show his family love-- so that statement right there does make much sense.
I really do hope that there will be a sequel of some sorts that goes into the other parts of this story. As I have said before, I really like this idea and I hope this will be continued.
~Adrian
Hey Dracula! CHRISSY321 here with a review!
ok, now for review the work!
*Happy Review Day!*
As a fellow HP fan (Read all books, and watched all movies) I understand everything- and find this a good twist on what happens! This was very interesting, and I was inclined to read it when I found it! Great for you- you were able to do more with a already know classic, and love of our world! I can tell you are a fan too with you avatar! I am too, just in a Hunger Games phase right now!
The work was well put together, and nothing needs to be fixed! The way you were able to take your dream and turn it into this story was great- the way you could remember every (which is VERY hard) Good for you! Yay!
There really is not much more to say that Bravo, and that you did a great job! Hope to hear more form you! Keep Writing!
Thank you!!
Hello Hello!
My name is Emily and I'll be reviewing your work this evening.
Harry Potter fanfic yayyyyy! I think you really captured the essence of the charaters for the most part, except for the one moment where Draco talking back to his father:
"I don't want to die, I want to live and find a way to reinstate my power."
It seems in character for him to find a way to survive, with or without magic, but it seems questionable to me that he'd say that to his dad (he's always been a daddy's boy).
Other than that, I only noticed only spelling/grammar error (trekked vs treked). Thanks for writing fanfic, it is an underappreciated art!
Keep writing!!!
Good job and good luck.
Thanks!
I really enjoyed this. I am a big fan of Harry Potter and Harry Potter fanfiction and I would love to read more Harry Potter fanfiction from you. I'm off to see if you have written more fanfiction soon.
Note: Please don't tell me this doesn't make sense. This whole short story is a dream I had. Dreams generally don't make sense.