*Hey everyone! *talks as if anyone would listen* Anyway... here's another poem! I do not like it, thought. I think it could be much better and that it really did not came out as I wanted -_-' *
Scared
by Kat (me!)
You hold me high,
keeping me sane.
Will you bind me
to another chain?
Who I love the most;
who calls me best friend.
Can I ask for more,
or is this the end?
Will I not survive,
another heart break?
Will I commit
another dreadful mistake?
I wonder all this
while I stand, here,
in front of you.
Shall I not fear?
Love, I'm scared.
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139,434 Literary Works • 672,563 Reviews
You hold me high,
keeping me sane.
Will you bind me
to another chain?
I really love this stanza it shows the dependence of the narrarator but also introduces the fear (that was really badly put but i couldn't think of a better way) and i just really like it
Who I love the most;
who calls me best friend.
Can I ask for more,
or is this the end?
This stanza's okay but it's not great the first two lines are good the third line is okay it kind of breaks the flow but i kind of like it as well then the fourth line just seems random-ish and very vague
Will I not survive,
another heart break?
Will I commit
another dreadful mistake?
pretty but overused and kind of cheesy but perhaps if it was a little more detailed it might seem less so
I wonder all this
while I stand, here,
in front of you.
Shall I not fear?
Love, I'm scared.
beautiful line what all the other commenters said about it was true except i disagree with Ellewoods93 "love, i am scared" seems more forced and it doesn't flow i think you should stick with "love, i'm scared"
I think this poem is reall good... just a few quick grammer-type things...
In the second stanza, isn't "heart break" one word (heartbreak?)
For the ending (Which i absolutely love!) I just think "Love, I am scared" would have a slightly more dramatic effect. But that's a minor thing.
But really, really good. Poetry is, is my opinion, the hardest type of writing. one of my teachers describes it as "choosing the most important words and squishing it all together into one piece of writing". In poetry, each word has a very important role, and with your poetry, i think that you have really accomplished that challenge; making each word count. keep it up!
I love this.
However, I still think it needs a few things.
The second stanza isn't very vivid. It's also a really cliche way to put the situation. Perhaps present it in a more subtle manner?
Also, I don't agree with the other reviewer. The rhymes don't sound natural. It sounds quite forced actually. But anyway, aside from these two, no other qualms.
Overall, this poem was brilliant.
The ending is beautiful. Perfect ending. It makes a lasting impression.
Hi and I'll be your reviewer for today. This is a good poem and I enjoyed it. The rhymes sound natural and overall, very good.
I think bind would work better than bond in this context. Bond means to join two things while bind means to fasten one thing to another.
Will I not survive,
another heart break?
Will I commit
another dreadful mistake?
This was a beautiful ending. It summed up just about everything in the poem, and it was full of emotion. I can imagine somebody whispering it to their partner, or even a prisoner to their captor. Stockholm Syndrome comes to mind. Anyway, great work on this. I couldn't find anything else. You captured the emotion superbly here.