*Hey there! It's me again. I haven't posted anything in a while, if about a week can be considered a while. Anyway, I'm sorry. At the end I changed structure. Hope it turns out good enough. Reviews are welcome!*
You're my darkness
it's reason, it's desire
You're my sadness.
I was focused on your light,
Eventually, I've got addicted
Embracing you with delight.
Gosh, how in love I was
So blindly, so happily
My plan had no flaws.
It was to love you forever
But you deceived well
Darling, you were so clever.
To lie; to steal away one more heart
Your plan had no flaws too,
To brake people.
I guess that's what you do.
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139,434 Literary Works • 672,563 Reviews
Hi there! Okay, I didn't like this poem so much as the others that you have. I agree with darko.demark666, it's sounds a bit pushy...
Don't take me wrong, it's good (much better then all mines) but it code be better. You can always do better.
This sounds weird, I don't know, i guess it doesn't flow so nicely as expected. Polish it up. I suck at poems so I can't tell you what should you put here to improve it. Sorry.
This is really good, that's my favorite stanza, it really flows nicely.
I'm not a very big fan of this stanza... I don't no, it's strange. Work it! (Tu sabes que não percebo de poemas mas tens que trabalhar neste, está muito aquem do teu trabalho...)
You can do much better... It doesn't go well with the rest of the poem. You have a good story in here but the way that you express it, it's not good. The construction code be better and the punctuality too. Sorry if I was harsh...
I don't write poems, maybe someone more capable of review poems may help you more.
Nice poem but it needs to be polished...
See ya
*Rachie* (ah ah, finally...)
It' seems a little pushy...don't you think?
You could also correct punctuation at some places...
Structure, ha? I like that last stanza more than the other ones. If you write in three verses stanza, you can try to connect them with a rhyme cause this sounds a little silly.
Why do you say that you haven't write a while(a week)? That's not bad at all. I haven't wrote a poem since January...I think...sometimes you need some time off to clear your mind..