Typo Alley~Q Part Two

by r4p17

Published April 30, 2016

E - Everyone

In Typo Alley

I crouch in position, staring at the Void. The wall of solid black is somewhat unnerving, especially when I can see the one hundred foot deep trench I created right behind it. I moved all the earth to line the trench, providing me with a perfect place to hide behind. I hope I won't have to worry about fending off an attack from Sebler's army. Digging this trench was hard work.

A minute passes by without any sign of their approach as I await the coming of the soldiers. Perhaps they are too afraid to venture through the Void again. The last time they did so, they died at the hands of Cros. Now they may be too fearful to cross the void once again. Borin warned them not to, but if I were a common soldier I wouldn't dare disobey Sebler, even if a dragon were standing in front of me me Sebler ordered me to kill it.

I jerk my head up sharply. Rank upon rank of soldiers dash forward through the Void. It almost seems cruel, sending them to this kind of death. It's quick, and probably painless, but hearing their screams makes me feel horrible. It seems so cruel to let them all die, but I remind myself of what they would do to us if we let them attack us.

The stream of men stops abruptly. For no apparent reason. I look back nervously at RP and the other typos, but they can't help. RP removes the void, but signals a thumbs-up. At first, I don't I don't realize what it means, but when no one across the void sees me, I realize RP only made it visible to me.

Sebler, who doesn't cut a very impressive figure, is standing at the back. He must have realized what was up and ordered a halt.

Will Sebler or his men ever make a move? By the looks of it' they are simply standing there. I don't get it. Why aren't they at least doing something? I have a bad feeling about this.

My confusion clears slightly when Sebler's army begins lining up in a column, most likely planning on marching back up the mountain. But why did Sebler march them all the way down here if he isn't going to use them? Did he send them to their death for no purpose?

After standing up, I jog back toward my friends to let them no what is going on.

"What's that devilish man up to?" Cros asks. "I trust him nor more than a snake, and I hate snakes."

"I'm clueless," I reply. "It seems like he sent them to die with no purpose in mind, but I can hardly believe that.

"He can't just plan on not using them at all. They are his only asset aside from magic."

"I don't understand how he can't need them," Aiey says. "If he doesn't need them, why did he recruit such a large army in the first place."

"Because I'm a compassionate person, and I was trying to save them from being hurt. When I follow through with my world takeover, I want as few people to die as possible. I'm trying to work things out so that everyone will be happy. Even you. You really think I took this long to figure out how to take over Gothriande? No. I've been planning how I will shed as little blood as possible. I don't have an army because I want them to destroy. I gathered them so that I wouldn't have to kill them by the time they joined the army of Gothriande.

"But then right at the point when I'm ready to bring peace to the world, people like you decide to come along ruin everything! Every-thing!" Sebler punctuated the syllables and spat for effect. "Typos like you always to decide it's their job to meddle in every little world affair. Fools. Every one of you. It's a sorry thought to think that once I was one of you. But I was never the one to go and "save the world" like you do it. I actually saved part of the world from a hurricane. That's truly heroic. And what have you done? Killed a few of my soldiers and endangered your friends."

"You're a beast, Sebler," Wet sputters. "You talk about us as if we are evil when you are the evil one. You speak of bringing peace and order to the world, but your record shows you have done just the opposite. You brought disorder to Arsham by stabbing our king nine times, but now you talk to me and tell me you will bring peace? I'd first believe a tale told by one of the fen-men than anything coming out of the your foul mouth."

"Those are awfully harsh words to be coming out of your mouth, little one." Sebler sneers derisively. "First, he was a poor leader, and he wasn't taking the country in the right direction. When I killed him I had no idea what I did would have such a great effect on the country, but since then I have learned a good deal and I'm certain that something terrible like that won't take place again.

"Still, Typos like you probably won't forgive me. The biggest mistake you make is that you view the world as if it were black and white when it isn't. It is much more than that. I have changed much in the past one hundred years. I'm more wise, and I have learned how complex people are."

"That's nice for you to say," I reply. "But even recently you acted the same as you did all those years ago. If you say you have changed, why did you burn our ship, unleash you army on us, and try to kill us all."

"Because I thought I could deal with you easily. I was wrong, and I admit that, but now I see that all of you are too much for me to beat. If all of us were to join forces, we would be practically unstoppable. We could bring peace to the world. No one would dare to oppose us. The world would no longer be fragmented into little nations. There would be no more war. Unrest, yes. But that's something that can be solved with level heads, not swords and bows. Every time someone dies unnecessarily, it grieves me. I feel — in a way — responsible for them.

"My vision is to satisfy all of my subjects and to make them love me because I solved all their problems. I will bring prosperity and peace to them, and them will all be content."

"Impossible. No man can unify on every issue, especially one as divisive as you!"

"I used to believe that too, but I've spent years mulling over this subject. I think it can be done. The hardest point will be convincing everyone that it is possible. However, I believe that will a few basic teachings, people will finally begin to see what I am trying to accomplish as a noble task. When they join me, my work will be done. From there I will teach them how to get along with their neighbors, and by that I mean everyone.

"The key is learning to tolerate everyone. You don't have to like what someone is doing, but if it is lawful you have no right to stop them. I have come up with a whole system of law. It took me years, but I think it is finally almost complete."

"Stop wasting your breath, Sebler," Wold snaps. "I could give you all the reasons why you deserve to die, but I think you know them. Leave. Now. Before. I. Lose. My. Patience."

"There you go again," Sebler says, but I cut him off.

The nearest thorny bush comes flying into Sebler's face. He quickly teleports away, but he's immediately caught in a swirl of wind created by Cros who manipulates the air. I smile at the look of surprise on Sebler's face he was a fool for ever believing that he could try to bring us over to his side.

I levitate a pebble and then send it flying toward Sebler's eye. Unfortunately, he morphs into a dragon and the pebble bounces harmlessly off his chest. Sebler jumps up, beating his wings furiously to gain height, but Cros won't let him. Sebler settles to the ground while morphing into a cheetah. Hitting the ground running, Sebler dashes toward Cros, but once again he is caught off guard by a root I pull up to trip him. Before he can get up, I tangle him up in a network of roots.

Sebler teleports right in Cros's face and grabs His arm, but Cros punches him. Angrily I separate them with my mind and send Sebler flying toward a tree until he teleports away. Grr!

I jump on top of a rock and run toward Sebler, dragging along the rock. With it in my trail, I stalk, waiting for Sebler to reappear. After a couple minutes, I give up. He's not coming back.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
BrumalHunter
Review
BrumalHunter wrote a review Review · Jun 26, 2016

Back again. XD

So, I know I could point out characterisation and plot progression at this point, and I might even, but my main goal is still the same as before.


The wall of solid black is somewhat unnerving, especially when I can see the one hundred foot deep trench I created right behind it.

Whoa, you're pushing the willing suspension of disbelief beyond its limits now. There is no way an individual digs a trench one hundred feet (about thirty metres) deep in one day. For an ordinary human, that's just not possible. If the protagonist had used magic to create the trench, then "create" is a better word, hence my use of it. The lesson here is either not to be farfetched or to use the correct verb in the context.

"I trust him nor more than a snake, and I hate snakes."

This time, my issue is with your underestimating symbolism. If somebody says they don't trust another person anymore than they would trust a snake, nobody will question the imagery, since snakes have been portrayed as deceptive and cunning creatures since the birth of humanity. People distrust snakes because they could easily kill us and also because of their appearance. I like snakes, but most people think they look creepy or scary. The point remains that humans as a rule dislike snakes, so adding the orange part is wholly irrelevant. His hating snakes doesn't make the reader think he distrusts Sebler more than he already does, it just includes irrelevant information. More exciting would be to show the reader how much he hates snakes by making him encounter one.

I will bring prosperity and peace to them, and them will all be content."

Incorrect pronoun; it needs to be a personal pronoun, not a demonstrative one.


It feels like you have so many opportunities to show off your skill as a writer, yet you consistently let them go by. You must use whatever opportunity you can get to astonish and impress the reader; frankly, you do not. I don't mean to be harsh, but it's a matter you need to accept and on which you need to work.

~ Hunter

User avatar
Eternity
Review
Eternity wrote a review Review · May 1, 2016

This review is brought to you by Eternity.

'Ello mate. Eternity here to review your piece.

So overall, this is a really good piece. I see there's a lot of works about "Typo Alley" and I totally missed out on a lot, however, I'm going to review this one, although I have no clue what's truly going on.

^Actually I take that back because I do slightly. You use great detail that definitely explains everything well. Good job on that. Regardless, here:

Editing Point

This only thing I see:

Sebler teleports right in Cros's face and grabs His arm, but Cros punches him. Angrily I separate them with my mind and send Sebler flying toward a tree until he teleports away. Grr!

Sebler teleports right in Cros's face and grabs his arm, but Cros punches him. Angrily I separate them with my mind and send Sebler flying toward a tree until he teleports away. Grr!

Just a simple casing mistake.

Other than that, well done. I really liked this.

r4p17 replied · May 1, 2016

Thanks for the review!



Writing is like love: the real thing is a lot less romantic
— dragonfphoenix