Asteria
I’m not going to cry about Ben James tonight.
Oh, no, I have work to do. I have to plan the world’s greatest Senior Prank and I have absolutely no idea how I’m going to do it.
I run into Frey and Adrian– literally. The idiots are running towards the activity center, probably to do something ridiculous. I take a swig from my water bottle. Okay, yes, it has vodka in it. If you have the kind of self-esteem that I have, you’d drink, too, so just don’t bother me about it. Not tonight, if you please. I grab Adrian by the arm.
“Adrian, we have to start planning the prank,” I say. I can hear the slur in my own words. Adrian looks from me back to Frey, who’s still running for the activity center.
“I can’t tonight, Asteria,” he gasps. “I’m hanging out with Frey tonight. Maybe tomorrow? Maybe this weekend.” Adrian looks back at Frey again. “I’m sorry.”
And then he’s gone. I sigh. Another one down. Well, I’ll just have to find another partner-in-crime for the time being. I hear a mouth-breather come up behind me. I turn to see Oliver Garfield from my math class. Great. Just what I need; a gap-toothed dork with a breathing problem.
“Hey, Asteria,” he says, gasping for breath.
“Hi, Oliver,” I say. I try to keep disdain out of my voice, but I might have failed. Oliver pushes his thick-rimmed glasses further up his nose, a nervous habit I’ve seen him do in math class the few times he didn’t know the answer.
“I have an idea for the senior prank,” he says, sticking his hands in his pockets. His expression reads as though he doesn’t think he’s worthy to be talking to me. Which he probably isn’t, but still, he doesn’t have to act like it so much.
I sigh again, looking after Adrian. I’m all out of ideas. Maybe Oliver has something. I sit on a bench.
“Alright, what is it?”
Oliver sits next to me, a little overeager.
“Okay,” he begins. “There are three parts to this prank...” He takes out a piece of paper and hands it to me. I read... I read it again... I laugh aloud because it’s so clever. I wish I’d thought of it myself.
“Oliver, this is genius,” I say. For the first time all night, I’m really grinning. Oliver grins back.
“The robotics team came up with it,” he says with a shrug. “I just wrote it down.” He starts to say something else when Henrietta and Lindsay walk up arm-in-arm.
“Hey, ‘Steria,” Lindsay says, not even looking at Oliver, “Wanna come to the auditorium with Henny and me?”
“What’s so great about the auditorium?” I ask, folding up the paper behind my back.
“We have a few extra water bottles,” Henrietta tempts me. “And we were going to play spin-the-bottle in the quad with Luke and his friends.”
Luke is Henrietta’s unlucky boy toy. He’s almost always miserable, hates just about everything, and wears his dark black hair in one long shock on top and the rest shaved. He’s a weirdo. I look at Oliver and toss my head.
“Yeah, I’ll come with,” I say. “Better than hanging out with nobody, right?” The girls laugh and Oliver presses his lips together, watching the ground. I only feel a little bad but I know I have a bottle of vodka waiting for me and an interesting night ahead of watching Luke squirm under Henrietta’s stupid neurotic ginger gaze.
I turn over Oliver’s plan in my mind. It’s brilliant... But we’ll need a huge team, and that’s dangerous. I prefer to just work with Adrian. I mean, we’ve done so much together.
When we were seven, we got a hold of a big bottle of Nair and put it in Nathan’s shampoo. Nathan was our neighbor, the most annoying human being ever to live on this planet. Ever. He kept letting out his cat every night to scratch up our front doors after he gave it a bath with his shampoo. That stupid tabby cat turned into a Siamese overnight.
When we were eight, and Frey was out of the house, we superglued every piece of furniture in his room to his walls.
When we were nine, we taped a whoopie cushion to Juno’s cane.
When we were ten, we put Vaseline on all the doorknobs in each of our houses.
Every year we planned and performed a prank. So far, our best was definitely last year, when we snuck into White Water after closing time and filled the Lazy River with bubble soap.
Good times.
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139,276 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
"brilliant... But we’ll"
*but shouldn't be capitalized
I couldn't find any other grammar mistakes. You did a good job using the examples of pranks to describe Asteria's and Adrian's relationship. On to the next chapter!
I love how you described several of the pranks that Astriea and Adrian pulled! Some of those look like ones I would like to try myself...lellelelel. I am really curious to know what that clever little child in large classes and larger egos thought up... Well, I intend to go find out. I'm cutting this review short, so off i go to READ THE NEXT CHAPTAHHHHHHHH
Hi there!
This might be a relatively short review since you've gotten such good reviews before me. (curse my procrastination)
Oh good, Asteria found someone who was willing to plan the prank with her. I mean, Adrian so rudely ditched her. How dare he??
Alright, I have a quick comment here on the timing of this chapter. I know that Frey and Emma were hanging out in the last chapter. But here he's running off with Adrian, I'm guessing to play pingpong. So, what was Asteria doing this whole time? The way the beginning is written, it makes it sound like this is the beginning of her night. There was all that time though, where Frey and Emma were hanging out. Surely she would've been worrying about these things much sooner than now.
Other than that, I thought this chapter was great. We get introduced to a new character, one that is very well described and should be interesting to see grow in the future. We really see Asteria's personality here, again. I'm so happy that you've kept up with your character's personalities as the story goes on. That shows that you really know your characters inside and out. Good job with that.
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Hey! IamTraunt!
Yes, my reviews are a little late... Ahem. And scheduled weirdly. But at least I'm here!
xD Funny chapter. Very. Well... at the end
I've mentioned this before - and I know America spells things different from us English folk - but, this should be 'centre'.
You don't need a comma after 'drink' as you wouldn't take a pause there.
Again with the spelling - not sure if its right in the USA, but it should be 'neighbour' with a 'u'.
And... well, that's it. Hm. You sure are improving! *Wipes away tear*, I've seen your works all through out - and they sure have blossomed!
Characters!
*Clasps hand over mouth* Asteria, Asteria, Asteria... Queen of The School, Princess Without her Knight and Empress of Pranks, what are you up to, hm...? Heh. Feel pretty pleased with myself for coming up with that little title thinymabob. I even used capitals *grins*. Are you proud of me? My brain must be working at a different speed. It's capacity intake is usually at 1%.
Aw, poor Oliver... It's typical right? Popular Person goes to Nerd when nerd is needed. Popular Person flees the scene and makes Nerd look like idiot when Popular Person's friends appear. It happened to many of us guys. *Wipes away a tear*. Yeah... like I care about what people think of me, *bites lip and crosses fingers*. Oh, I know - I shouldn't xD
This was a good chapter. I liked it very much - you gained sympathy for both Oliver and Asteria in this chapter from me. I still think Juno and Ben are awesome though!
Storyline!
You really got my attention in this chapter - seeing as I know what a dark-haired Devil such as Asteria can be! It really spurred me to read on, as I want to know what the prank of the year is (sorry for the term, I thought it was need xD). I'm really curious. Man, do I want to find out what the prank is! Especially when you mentioned 'it could et us in a lot of trouble' and that 'there would have to be a lot of us' (I know that's not how it's worded, but yeah.) It really re-sparked my interest for the millionth time.
Great chapter! Keep on writing.
Thank you thank you thank you!!! Your review is fabulous and so are you.
Awwwwwwwwwww
You're awesomer. (If that's a word). Thanks.
Hey there your Highness!
As for this chapter, it was good, but lacking the usual touch that makes all your chapters awesome. I felt like the end was kind of sudden? I did like how Asteria mentioned Ben James and how she wasn't going to bother with him. It would be kind of funny if she ended up with Oliver in the end, who she thought about setting Juno up with xD And as always, she's off drinking...
Happy review day!
Deanie here to review another chapter. Yes, I did skip over reviewing Ben's first day. But that was because it had some awesome reviews already, and I really didn't know how I was going to comment anything else useful on the work. But I did read it, so I know what happened.
But when it came to the end, I was so shocked. It didn't really have a special touch, because prior to that I feel like we just get a list of old pranks that Adrian and Asteria had spent time committing together. I expected something more to happen. Like Asteria going and playing spin the bottle, but seeing as she is off her head drunk and feeling a bit sorry for herself, she ends up snogging just any old person. Or something. I felt like there should be more to this chapter, so do go and make that happen!
Asteria also seems like a person who does care about other peoples feelings. I like how she felt a bit bad for Oliver - it did seem in character. But I also thought she might feel a little bit guilty for taking his prank and then ditching him, not the in the nicest manner I might add. So, maybe have thoughts likewise those somewhere along there?
Shouldn't Emma also be with Henrietta? You did mention that was who she went crying to. An awesome thing to do would be linking those two points of view, with Frey and Adrian. You did it when they collided on the way and passed each other, but maybe you should show Emma tagging along with the two girls, tear-stained but looking brave. Brave in a way that made her seem like she was trying not to cry, so Asteria doesn't mention it or something. I also would think Henrietta would tell the gossip to Asteria in the next spare moment they get, seeing as she knows all the gossip, or at least believes she does. But a big mouth wouldn't really be able to hide it
But apart from those small things, I really don't have much to say. It wasn't my favourite chapter, but then again, not every chapter can be as fabulous as the next. Keep writing, and let me know when you post!
Deanie x
Hey there! Wow 17 chapters down *slow building clap* I think your story is really starting to build and I would advise you to take a step back and focus on the plot. It feels like to me you don't really know where you're going with this at the moment. You know where you want to go but haven't quite thought out how to get there. Like you gave us point A and I know you have a point B but don't forget how to get there! But I still think its a good chapter. You've thickened the prank plot and added some Asteria character development which is hilarious! I love your writing and I love you pretty lady!!
Keep it up!
Confused Glasses here for a review!
Okay so congrats on completing another chapter! Yes, you're doing pretty good so far. and I would've complained about how Asteria's thoughts seem incoherent to me but I just realized that she's been drinking.
But hey, how come Adrian just ignores her? That's sorta rude don't you think? And it was kinda rude when Asteria said Oliver was no one too. It hurt big time. But, on a side note everything seems justified when you think about how she's feeling because of Ben.
Did I just sound discouraging...
You could add some stuff to it though. Yeah it's Awesome. You're awesome. You're writing's awesome.
Don't eve give up!!
Yeah I know, this chapter wasn't one of my best but I'll have a better one next.
Thank you so much for your fabulous review! See you on the next chapter.
I'm sorry if i sounded discouraging...my morning grogginess ugh!
No, you didn't! Don't worry!
Thewriter13 here again
poor Oliver. 
I'm excited to see what this plan is! Good job with foreshadowing, suspense, character development, etc, etc. it's all around an excellent chapter!
Few nitpicks:
Like a previous chapter:
"“Alright, what is it?” Oliver sits next to me, a little overeager." See I know Asteria says this but you make it seem as if Oliver said it because you mentioned him directly after. You did this in another chapter. In order to avoid confusion I suggestion making the
“Oliver sits next to me, a little overeager." line a new paragraph/line. That way we know its not Oliver who said it.
Why did Asteria have to be mean to Oliver?
One other line:
“ I only feel a little bad but I know a bottle of vodka and an interesting night of watching Luke squirm under Henrietta’s stupid neurotic ginger gaze."
This line was A) a little bit long but nothing really to worry about B) kinda confusing..you say she "knows" but what exactly does that mean? Please clarify. It seems like you didn't finish her thought here.
I love where the story's going and I can't wait for you to post more!!!
Keep writing
Yeah I was just editing what you were saying when I noticed the notification.
Sorry this chapter didn't really live up to my usual. I got stuck in this chapter, and this was the best I could do.
Thank you so much for your lovely review, m'dear!