Published June 17, 2014
Asteria
Juno and I hug it out, but I’m still angry at her. Ben and I were supposed to be the school couple! And now there's a hint that that might not work out? I can't accept it. Maybe I'm overreacting. They just talked for a few minutes, after all, right? They're not, like, thinking about dating, right? Maybe nothing will come of it. Hopefully.
I just want to keep the peace around here– for a little while, at least. For once, it’s quiet around the house.
Or maybe it’s just the calm before the storm.
“Asteria!” my dad barks. I’m in my room, jamming out to One Direction (“You literally have the musical taste of a nine-year-old,” Juno says) when I hear Eminent Doom ringing from below in my father’s voice.
“Asteria, get down here, now!” Dad calls. I walk to the top of the stairs like a convict to the hanging rope. I can just feel argument that's about to go down. Dad stands at the bottom, a red-faced, heavily-breathing dragon.
“Your mother said you came to school hungover, today, young lady,” Dad says. He likes to emphasize certain words when he’s angry. “What do you have to say for yourself?”
“Everyone has their way of coping with school,” I reply. Dad doesn’t take as lightly to my problem as Mom does.
“This is no time for jokes, Asteria. You have a problem and I want to help you.”
“If you want to help me, you’ll leave me alone,” I say. I descend the steps, getting eye-level with him.
“I’ve been trying but clearly that’s not working,” Dad says. Dad is part-Italian, so his hands say more than his words. Right now, in the air, they say, I’m very disappointed in you. What am I going to do with you? Why can’t you grow up?
“I’ve re-enrolled you in A.A. for the next six months,” Dad says. “And I will personally drive you to every meeting to make sure you stay.”
“WHAT!?”
Dad starts to walk toward the kitchen. He’s trying to end the conversation, but he won’t get away that easily. I follow, trying not to stomp my feet like a six year old.
“Clearly it’s the only way to help you.”
I don’t need your help! I want to scream. I take a deep breath. Maybe I can reason with him. Dad takes salad from the fridge to start making dinner.
“But, Dad–”
“No, Asteria,” Dad says, slamming the refrigerator door. He holds up a hand, slicing it through the air, like he’s literally cutting me off. “You’re done here. You can’t help yourself so I’m doing it for you.”
“Stop treating me like a child!” I shout.
“Stop acting like one!” Dad shouts back. That shuts me up. Dad may be part Italian, but he doesn’t really yell when he’s angry unless he’s downright irate. Damn it, now I’m doing the emphasis thing. Dad sees that I’m shaken and sighs.
“I love you too much not to help you, Asteria,” he says quietly. He turns and starts washing the salad. The sound of running water would be calming on any other day.
I don’t want to cry in front of him so I stomp back upstairs.
I fling myself onto my bed and let it out into a pillow, muffling the sound so no one can hear. Well, no one except Juno. She hears everything.
First, I feel Reginald’s tiny monkey hands on my back, playing with my hair. Then I hear Juno’s stick scraping lightly across the floor. Then I feel her sit down on the bed.
“A.A., huh,” she says. Reginald keeps playing with my hair. I nod. That probably smears my makeup but I don’t care. I’m that mad.
“That sucks.”
“Yeah,” I say into my pillow.
“You can take Reginald with you if you want.” Reginald stops playing with my hair. I guess he’s on Juno’s shoulder. I look up and see that I’m right. Reginald looks down at me, and seems to smile.
“Thanks, Juno, but I think he’d be the distraction Dad doesn’t want,” I say. I groan and let my head fall back on the pillow.
“Hey, but the Lock-In is coming up,” Juno says. I expect this. Juno always tries to cheer people up by reminding them of other things: like that puppies exist or that, hey, at least you can see, so it could be worse, right? Sometimes it works, and sometimes it makes everything worse. This time, it’s the latter.
“Unnghhh,” I say.
“Sorry, bad example.” Silence. Nothing. I like it. “Well, I’ll be in my room if you want to talk.”
I don’t answer. I want the silence back. Juno shuffles out, taking Reginald with her. My phone buzzes.
Queen of the Pranksters, the Senior Class needs your help! - Adrian
I can’t help it. The smile starts slowly, then grows up into a grin, and finally matures into a full-blown laugh. Adrian and I have work to do.
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139,276 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
Nice references with the hanging.
"you came to school hungover"
*I would change came to went
When Asteria is arguing with her dad, I feel like you don't need to emphasize quite so many words by italicizing them, maybe only one or two of the most important words.
You say that Juno can hear everything in this chapter. That ties to one of my comments I made on one of the earlier chapters. You say that Juno is so confused at school with her hearing. You might want to clear that up.
This is great! Ok, this is one of my favorite chapters so far, and like Noelle said, Asteria got what she deserved. She does come off as slightly childish, and she really does need some help with that problem. The argument was well done, and I think she reacted like any normal (Well, as normal as she could possibly be anyways) Girl or person would react! Great work!
Hi there!
Whoa, wait, I didn't review this already?? I definitely thought I did...weird.
Anyways, another great chapter here. I think that I enjoy reading this from Asteria and Frey's POV the most. Not to leave Juno out, but Asteria and Frey have such little quirks to their personality that I love to hear their POV.
So naturally this is one of my favorite chapters. It really sucks that Asteria got caught going to school hungover, but it serves her right. The argument between her and her father was written well. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.
I wonder if Asteria knows that she's going to get reprimanded for being hungover? Because it really seems that way from what's written here. That would be a good thought to add in here, don't you think?
I find Asteria's relationship with Juno very sweet. Despite their argument in the last chapter, and the fact that Asteria is still worrying about Juno and Ben, the two sisters care about each other. Juno sympathizes with Asteria over the whole AA thing and even offers to send Reginald with her. I mean, how much more loving can you get?? It's nice to see the two of them getting along so well.
There's really nothing else I have to say about this chapter. It's written well and I can really feel the anger that Asteria is feeling toward her father. And AA doesn't sound all that fun. I wonder how she'll react, or overreact, when she goes to her first meeting.
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Thank you thank you thank you so much!!!
I'm so glad you liked it.
I'll have to find some quirks to add to Juno's personality to make her more fun to read... But I guess being blind is interesting enough in and of itself... I'll think about it
I added a bit of a thought, as you suggested. Thank you so much!
Hey there Your Highness!
I am finally going to be all caught up! Yay! I don't really have much to say about this chapter because it seems to be perfect really. There's a lot of dialogue, which isn't bad, but seeing as it is there, there isn't much wrong with it at all. Which means nothing to comment on! I have to say you did a good job of starting to really include the parents into this story as well. I doubt anyone would let it go if their daughter showed up drunk to school, and now seeing a huge array of Asteria's problems I almost forgot about the drinking one, so I am glad you brought it back up again!
I know Arinna is simply more of a side character... but she is part of the family. And I feel this story focuses a lot on just that - family. Whoever's point of view it has been, we've still seen something at all times. The Mum had her moment in the school, the father just now, and of course each other triplets have their little storylines going on. But Arinna seems kind of ignored and to the side, so I really hope she steps up into the limelight soon so we don't feel that way anymore.
I have the feeling that because of the way Juno says this, it should be posed more as a question that simply a sentence. So perhaps add a question mark? This was really the only nitpick I could find, so another round of applause for you there too.
I don't really have much more to say. The Queen of Pranksters does sound interesting... so I can't wait to have more. Post pleaseee!
Deanie x
Hey! IamTraunt here to review!
I was really looking forward to this chapter! Eek!
Nitpick!
I don't think the 'the' is really necessary.
I really like the imagery here, but I think this sentence would be effective if you put: 'awaits the hanging rope'.
Now, I know that you describe Asteria dad as a 'dragon', but instead of saying those words, I thought Asteria would have maybe snapped at him. If not, why not put 'reply' so the dialogue is more effective.
You keep using 'say' alot, so I'm just suggesting that you use 'whisper' for this particular dialogue.
'that' what? Her tears?
Characters!
So, we really get to see in depth Asteria's feeling here as obviously she is hurting inside because the guy she wants to date is attracted to her sister, which will be be a huge emotional blow to her. I mean, if my sister took away a boy I liked I would be fuming and even if I supposedly forgave her - I would be burning up inside. Like Asteria. Which you develop very well and reflect very well on everyday life.
Also, you show us a nice - not a prankster - side to Juno, which is nice as we know everyone has a good and bad side to them (which by that I mean from the victims point of view). And how she tries to make it up to Asteria and cheer her up like any sister would.
Storyline!
Well, you said previously in a comment that something like this would happen to Asteria and I guess everyone who reads this novel would realise something like this would happen too as there are always consequences to problems. Such as her drinking problem as her mom found out because she was hung over which was the result of the problem.
Also, we get to see the building tension between Juno and Asteria as Asteria is deeply upset and angry about the situation, which practically anyone would be (unless you had no emotions whatsoever). So maybe there will be a big fight at the Lock-in. Which I will be looking out for (hee hee).
Also, I'm beginning to wonder what Adrian wants Asteria to do, so its spurring me on as a reader.
Well done! Keep on writing!
Thank you so much!
As for the dialogue attribution, I tend to use "say," or "said," a lot more in my writing, because if I have to write "whispers," or "says quietly," then I'm not doing a good enough job of conveying the character's tone through the words themselves. Does that make sense?
If it doesn't make sense, I can always say Stephen King told me to do it.
You've guessed correctly about the Lock-In! So much happens when you put 100 hormonal teenagers in one building all together for one night.
Thank you for the review!! Chapter 14 will be up as soon as I finish it.
I just got my hands on the first book of the game of thrones so you may or may not have to wait a day or two...
I hope you enjoy Games of Thrones! <3
Awh! ^-^ that's too nice
And I totally am; I've been hooked all day!
Hey, Thewriter13 here for a review.
So I caught up with story pretty fast because you had me hooked from the beginning. I love all if the relationships you've introduced and then further developed as the story goes on. Here you've just introduced the relationship between Asteria and her father and you did a good job doing so!
Not much to critique I'd just work on sentence structure. A few sentences feel run-on to me.
For example:
"Juno tries to cheer people up..." sentence is a bit run-on but I wouldn't worry about it of doesn't bother anyone else. It just sort of bothered me.
Also for dialogue:
“WHAT!?” Dad starts to walk toward the kitchen. He’s trying to end the conversation, but he won’t get away that easily. I follow, trying not to stomp my feet like a six year old.
You should make "Dad starts..." a whole new paragraph because it makes it sound if Dad just exclaimed "WHAT?" because you mentioned him right after the exclamation. I reread that a few times because at first I thought he had exclaimed but then I realized it was Asteria.
Just work on those things if you want to. You don't have to change anything.
Good story I wanna see more!!
Keep writing!
Thank you so much for catching up with me! I really appreciate your review.
I edited the things you suggested! I usually do change the things readers ask me to change, because usually, you guys are right (write?).
Thank you so so much!
Hullo!
I sorta don't know what to say. But I'm gonna try to review anyway.
It's pretty good so far. I can actually relate with Asteria on the first part. I kinda like it, the way their dad acted. I wish my dad was like that. I wish my dad was like any dad at all. Oh well.
"...“Stop acting like one!” Dad shouts back..."
I think I understand how this line makes sense but I'm not quite sure. its probably just me and my stupid quirkiness...
Yeah everything is fine other than that.
Oh! I forgot,
"...I can’t help it. The smile starts slowly, then grows up into a grin, and finally matures into a full-blown laugh. Adrian and I have work to do."
This is whats gonna make me read the next chapter.
*wink*