Young Writers Society

Hey! It's been a while since I reviewed anything of yours.

When the narrator is traveling and has reached a quite far place, she spots words written on the stones and when she bends closer to have a look , there's a small touching story written by an old person but the apologue was something which she was not quite able to explain.

First off, I like the poem. The word "acerbic" is one I've never heard, and I know a lot of words, so good job on that. I love getting to look new ones up!

The poem itself is very nice. You have a good blend of language which make it fun and interesting to read, nearly bridging on becoming to "wordy," but I think you did a good job at reigning that in just enough so that it wasn't overboard.

There is one point that I'm a bit confused on. I'm not sure if you were trying to evoke emotions in the reader, or simply just tell them what happened, but, either way, I don't understand the "story" within the story that was written on the rock, except that it's supposed to be very sad. There's not enough detail to know "what" was sad, or "why" I should be sad. If that wasn't your point, then it makes sense. If it was, then I'm not really feeling it.

The only grammatical nitpick that I have is,

"Written on these gravels,
Are the words which I can’t explain.
Far-Far away from my heart,
Stand these empty for days.


‘Left isolated to succumb’,
Said the words on these gravels,"

You use the word "gravels" twice, and within two stanzas. Some might consider this a minor mistake, and unimportant, but to me, when a poem is as fluent and colorful and language rich as yours, repeating yourself, unless absolutely necessary, seems a little dull, like it's not quite finished. I would love to see a more interesting explanation of "gravel" here, and I know you have the words for it.

But with the little bit of bad aside; this poem is wonderful! It's a breath of fresh air in this world that has gone so "Modern." Shakespeare has ultimately been lost in our society, but this brings a small piece of him back.

The poem has great meaning behind it, and while it is short (compared to some,) the presence of its full length is slightly hidden within your brilliant language.

I love free verse. I love beautiful words. I love poetry. This is an amazing mesh of them all and you have done a wonderful job at making it sweet and simple, but definitely not childish.

Thank you rbt00