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The Season of the Dead

by yubbies21

The season of the dead,

when chilling winds whisper lies,

when bones clack and crack

in spiderwebs of frost,

when white-washed skull fragments

litter the icy ground,

when empty eye sockets stare you down,

when gaping mouths of cracked teeth call to you,

when decaying flesh freezes cold,

saved for a season from the ravages of time,

when the trees are silvery skeletons

no leaves to cover them like skin,

when your heart stops beating in the silence,

you know it must be

The Season of the Dead.

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63 Reviews

Points: 45
Reviews: 63

Sun Nov 24, 2013 8:17 am
Storybraniac wrote a review...

Oops sorry for that I always forget to turn on the review button.The poem does not have rhythm. It's more like the shortest story in the world. Might have been better. But what is the season of the dead? Is it fall? Looks like fall cause that happens on halloween. The description of the objects in the season of the fall oh wait dead is fantastic. Great job. Do more poems. And please donate me some points. :)

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63 Reviews

Points: 45
Reviews: 63

Sun Nov 24, 2013 8:15 am
Storybraniac says...

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61 Reviews

Points: 7583
Reviews: 61

Sun Nov 24, 2013 4:45 am
FireFox wrote a review...

Hey, there, yubbies21! FireFox here to review for the Apply Dumpling Gang! (Yes, that is our real name!)

Needs Improvement:
1. It's probably just me, because I am a grammar freak and, although I know there are really no rules in poetry, the fact that the beginning of each line isn't capitalized is driving me nuts!

Honestly, nothing about this poem is in desperate need of improvement. That one up there was just a suggestion, really. :) I feel that if you lengthened this and elaborated more, it would make for an even better, spookier poem. I really love this piece. It certainly seems to be post-apocolyptic and I like that a lot! I think my favorite part was this:

"when white-washed skull fragments

litter the icy ground,

when empty eye sockets stare you down,

when gaping mouths of cracked teeth call to you,"

Something about the white-washed skull fragments that litter the icy ground really piqued my interest even more. I loved that bit and I feel that was a very clever play on words. You definitely have a way with words and I hope you will PM me if you ever need a review on anything else, although this one really wasn't much of a review!


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67 Reviews

Points: 2314
Reviews: 67

Sun Nov 24, 2013 4:40 am
AlfonsoFernandez wrote a review...

Hello there, here for a review.

This was a cool poem. I liked the concept and the way you showed the mood. It is very unique in itself, since it only seems to be about a sentence long, yet written in what could be several stanzas. I know you were trying to give a description of the Season of the Dead, and that's why you put so many commas and no full stops. However, I think it would really help the flow of the poem and even the writer to read it better, if you replaced some of the commas by periods.

Overall, there weren't many grammatical or spelling mistakes.

in spiderwebbs of frost,

Here's the only mistake I actually found. "Spiderwebbs" are written "spiderwebs" and aren't spelled with double "b".

But that is all that I found.

Good job and keep writing.

-AlfonsoFernandez, member of the Apple Dumpling Gang

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433 Reviews

Points: 13351
Reviews: 433

Sat Nov 23, 2013 11:57 am
TakeThatYouFiend wrote a review...

I don't know what triggered this either, and I dread to think what. An Autumn walk perhaps? Or mabey just a walk through a graveyard hit by a tornado. Despite this apparent sarcasm, it is a good poem. The end is punchy, and it is a standard structure. Most of all it has a standard line structure. Always somthing that I look for in a poem. It does seem to be a little post apocalyptic. You see it has the slight disadvantage of not quite having much of an idea of what's going on. But then again it is a poem, so thats alright. Overall it's a good poem, with structure and length.

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