Apologies for my apologies.
We were a fine model of love
bound to buckle, yet I swore
that we could weather anything.
But even rocks weather,
and belts on the floor could not
buckle our rocking bodies back together.
When you left, I was left
with transparent tears
that precipitated
transparent truths
I had bound myself to you;
you were no model man,
but fine enough for me.
A/N: Wrote this for WG's Poetic Forms contest on contronyms. See here: http://www.writinggooder.com/2013/09/poetic-forms-contronyms/
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
Hi niteowl!Have a good day,here is Dark to give review on your poem.
No More Apologies-->Through the title only ,we are able to make little reflection on your poem.It is a good thing and could attract the attention of the reader.Just let me review some parts that I loved here.
#Apologies for my apologies.
We were a fine model of love
bound to buckle, yet I swore
that we could weather anything.-->Very well-written here!Strong diction and bringing impact to the reader.Anyway,the first line is a bit 'odd'.I am not saying it was bad,just wish it could be something like concrete words to express the feeling and message.
I like the rest of it.So nice and breathtaking.You can do much better than this because you are a great writer!Keep it up!Good job.
Kudos,cheers
~Dark
My first review for review day!
I like this a ton. Firstly you need to check up your punctuation as you seem to have forgotten it in some places, but going beyond that, lets take a look at the rest of the poem.
This first stanza was by far my favourite. I am wondering if you needed a comma or semicolon just after the second line though, but it depends how it is read because I can also read it without one. Without a break there it reads as "We were a fine model of love bound to buckle," this reads to say ' we were a good example of love that is going to fail.' however if the comma is put it reads as 'we were a good example of love, but we were going to fail anyway. If the first way was your intention then all is well, but I am just double checking there in the case you meant the second.
Third stanza is nice you just forgot the punctuation at line ends.
I see your meaning for this line, but I feel it has nothing to connect it to the rest of the poem. I feel like it is just floating there without a proper or significant purpose. since in the previous stanza you had just told us that you were bound to buckle. Maybe its the fact that you used rocks as your metaphor and the word just stood out as out place.
I'd just put in that extra word there.
Out of the whole poem this was probably my least favourite, simply because I feel like this is an anticlimax. These two lines don't really end this great poem with a bold statement or a blast, and seem to start an entirely different topic. The rest of the poem was talking about failing love and now it changes to the person being good enough or not. I think you could put something completely different here, something more related and more impacting, perhaps a revelation to their downfall, her own troubles or epiphany. I just really feel like these lines are an anticlimax.
Overall I think this poem was very very well writing, and the more often I re-read it the more I liked it. You have done a very good job and I appreciate it.
Knight Malachi to review for Review Day.
So I am not big on romantic poems, but this wasn't half bad. I thought you did a fabulous job of using metaphors with the tears and belts. and you kept coming back to them which is something important to me when reading and reviewing. When a poem has a theme, but never has a revolving line or pair of lines, then it really helps to hold the poem together.Good job.
Keep it up!
Greetings, niteowl! Happy Review Day!
Okay, so yes, I had to google what a contronyms was, and now that I know, I must say you did an excellent job with using them! Very nice, especially since you used them in a poem. It would've been easier to use in a story, right?
Anyways, on to the poem itself. Excellent imagery you used here, as always! Your word play was a great addition to this, besides enhancing the "contronyms". In my non-poetic mind, I felt that your flow was nice and consistent, with no breaks, but then again, I could be wrong! But as a reader, I really enjoyed it. Nice work! I hope to see more from you in the future.
For team Blue,
~Iggy
Knight Dragon, here to give another Review Day review!
Well, that was a really interesting poem. Sorry I don't have any technical advice to give, so I'll just review the content (which means, by the way, that you did a really good job on the punctuation and verse technique).
I liked what you did with all the contranyms (Spellcheck doesn't like that word), and I liked how you fit it all into a set pattern. It took me a little bit to get the contranym "apologies", but I did get it.
And I just seriously realized that you used "model" twice in two different ways. I was wondering where the tie-back was for the "model man" part.
And a note on your categorization, this should probably be realistic or romantic because of the theme.
Really good poem. Good job.
Hope this helps!