To an Ex-Teacher

by niteowl

  • Poetry
  • Dramatic · Realistic

Published May 22, 2013

In Poems 2013

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I found the remnants
of your class, buried under
five years of artifacts. 
 
Grecian urns 
or styrofoam cups? 
I'm not quite sure. 
 
Your scrawls, 
never easy to decipher,
adorn my amateur essays
and bus stop odes
that reminded you
of Stephen Crane. 
 
I believed that
like you believed it when
the cop said she was sixteen. 
 
When the story broke,
everyone feigned un-surprise, 
or maybe I was that naive. 
 
We all forgot eventually, 
moved on to new scandals, 
but every so often, 
I grieve for the teacher
who might have been 
 
and I can't throw 
those papers away.

A/N: If you're interested/bored, here's something I wrote ages ago about the same event: http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/work.php?id=14346

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
gabrielle23
Review
gabrielle23 wrote a review Review · May 22, 2013

first i would like to say is wow!!!
i loved your poem for the fact that it came from your heart.
but like EZRA said the poem concept/event/topic of the poem remains pretty vague.
i felt like you left me hanging. i felt that more heart and sould counld have been put into your poem. it was beautiful,
did this teacher mean alot to you?
to get a real visual picture of this poem
maybe you should add memories, what type of person was he?
what stood out??
you get me?

please continue toi write i would love to see more work from you(:

User avatar
MindBlown
Review
MindBlown wrote a review Review · May 22, 2013

Well niteowl, this poem was good. It was a bit choppy though. I didn't see a rhyme scheme, I don't know if there was supposed to be one. It was a good free verse; It flow right though. It was blooming with potential though and with some imagery it will be a fantastic poem. I did enjoy reading it and I hope to see more soon.

User avatar
ERZA
Review
ERZA wrote a review Review · May 22, 2013

Such a nice poem you've got in there...its like a flowy hymn or something...the way that you present it but when one reads it...its sounds different so I suggest modification...well everything is alright words sentences and and all but the concept/event/topic of the poem remains uunclear...like everything is vague in this piece if you are presenting this as an individual piece....
I think you could go through this poem once more...I understand that it has much emotional connection but I think you should pour your heart and let your hand write without controlling it and sometimes the result is marvellous otherwise you could always modify or polish it to your liking...and remember it would simply not be a waste of time to do so...it would be a sort of practise and it always helps to lighten the heart...and calm the mind..:-)

Overall not a bad poem at all:-D
Just requires some finishing touches...:-D
Nice work by the way...



I sleep with reckless abandon!
— Link Neal