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137,563 Literary Works • 672,044 Reviews
Hey Niteowl,
Very clever.
I kind of liked the beginning half of this poem more than the last half, and I suppose I'll explain.
The title displaced immediately allows me to chew on several different possibilities for the narrative-story meaning of this piece, because displaced can be a synonym for "replace" in the sense that someone can be displaced from a position or home, also from a relationship, which seems to be what it was suggesting in the first part of the poem with the you/I and the hugged curves/new hand to hold, etc. but, honestly -- even though I know you meant and intended it to be read as a relationship dynamic -- it could also be taken as any sort of dynamic, so I enjoyed the wondering and the different layers of meanings which I thought kept the poem engaging/was a lot of fun.
The last half with the finding in the trash a golden treasure sort of took out the wonder element for me, and it made it into one of those: aha, a surprise twist in the end! and so I think I'm supposed to assume that the entire poem was about a pen the entire time P: Which is great, a lot of people love the twist-y ending, and definitely that hugging the curve thing was a great trick/word play -- I suppose it let me down only because I've read so many of these types of poems before, and I had different expectations regarding the title. But that's just me!
Third stanza in particular is my favorite
~ as always, Audy
Wow. This was amazing. It has very good flow, and a nice storyline. But, and maybe this s just me, I can't really tell what the narrator is talking about. That might have been intentional on your part, but for me it was just a little confusing. Knowing me, I'm probably the only one who feels like this so I'll just say, amazing piece of work.
It was intentional. All I'll say is I was not talking about a person, but something that is very important.
Well niteowl this was a very strong poem
it flowed well and was never choppy. You are obviously a very talented poet, and this piece was great. I didn't see anything wrong with it so congrats on a awesome poem and I hope to see more soon.
~MindBlown
Thanks!