Disassembly

Hey,
Nitewol, nice poem I kind of liked it specially the two parts that if taken separately , are really good.
I would say separately because as you jump on a new part , you break apart from the previous one and draw into a new dimension. Sometimes it comes to me as you want us you give an idea of letting go for a better start and sometimes as if we are supposed to stick to the present. Anyway, you can see it and try connecting it but as i said i liked a few chunks, let me mention them.
'Pack the dresses never worn,
toss makeup that can't hide flaws,
and erase the songs
that were never written.'
For me, it sounds cool as if we rid of things and people that don't serve us more than a decoration piece or a mere part of life, we can head to a better life and win get a lot out of it.
I feel that adding a bit more would clarify your meaning and bring a better picture before us but stil the poem serves me well.
I like it and appreciate your efforts.

Hey, niteowl, June here,

I'm a bit torn on how I feel about this piece as a whole. I enjoy this for its simplicity and neatness in its language; you could have delivered this rather cryptically, but you didn't, and I applaud you for that.

However, the problem I am having with this poem is that from one line to the next, it doesn't feel like it's coming together. Why does the sunrise signify a moment to begin dissecting your days for a change? What significance does throwing every bit of past hold to the creation ending? We have bits and pieces of an idea, but the problem here is that this poem whispers an undertone of certainty, of a moment that is definite in its change, but it doesn't come across clearly enough to make that a statement . Instead it feels like you're worshiping a whim of change here, dear, instead of having reason to make these actions equal creation in the end.

I mean that in the best way possible; your first three stanza seem to talk about erasing memories, experiences, and moments that you have lived while the closing stanza explicitly mentions broken dreams. I can infer what you mean from this and I have a feeling of where this poem is meant to go, but I feel like it needs a bit of refining to work as a whole, because the end creation is just... so broad that it doesn't feel like there's any resolution to this poem. I think that's a spirit that could work towards creating an air of endless possibility to this poem, but I feel like that would be best delivered through a stronger build up towards that, if that makes sense.

Best of luck,

June

Hey There Fellow Writer Niteowl!! Speakerskat here to do a review for The Tsunami Tyrants!

"Creation is born
when broken dreams
are washed awy."
should be
"Creation is born,
When broken dreams,
Are washed away."

You are supposed to capitalize the firt letter of the first word in each line in every stanza, remember that cause I have had to say that A LOT today! If I had a dime for everytime I said that....

Also make sure you don't ue to many or to little comma's, I'm not the person to ask about to many but I know you definatley used to little. I loved the last stanza. It could be a poem all by itself it was so beautiful! I loved it. I have plenty of broken dreams and from them have come some pretty amazing things so...

I really think this piece has potential but I would consider revising parts of it.

Keep it up
~Speakerskat