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139,359 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
This. Is. Beautiful.
Thanks! And...way to profile-stalk me haha.
Haha yeah sorry 'bout that xD Went a little overboard
This is a very interesting poem, short but good.
I like the beginning, the way you refer to the rain as acid. You make a very good visual with this.
I don't have much to say, other then I think the first stanza doesn't seem to have a very good flow, although the second one does.
You very quickly make it clear how the POV person feels about them self, and it doesn't sound to fond.
I think the word "dartboard" works well in depicting what you have to say, it just seems a little out of place.
Very sad ending, that someone would think that way about their self. A very dramatic piece.
Good job. Short but good, very dramatic and emotional.
~WW
Hey Niteowl!
Ah, this is just such a delight and beautiful piece to read. Beautiful in its conciseness and precision, but also in its form. I love how your main imagery is spring rain, and the piece feels like rain -- like freshness, and paired with a somber tone, it works. I think all of those s-sounds work to your advantage here as well.
Dissolve me into the mud is a bit of an awkward diction/phrasing, I get what you are trying to say, but I think there's a better word here you can use rather than "into" I do like your choice in dissolve - those brilliant sibilance sounds. I wish I can be of better help, but my brain needs a jumpstart or something cause I can't think of a word for you xP Something like mixing or transforming -- some sort of synonym of that? Eh. A temporary solution would be to omit the article and just leave it: into mud.
This is the only thing that is unclear to me. What did you mean to say here? I'd love to chat this piece over with you, so feel free to let me know!
Ah, that last line <3 So much love!
~ as always, Audy
Hey niteowl! My name is Scarlett and I'll be reviewing you poetry tonight. ^^
This is an interesting little poem, Nite. And I'm not sure I entirely understand it, but that's not always the point with poetry, is it? XD Anyways, this is a fascinating concept. The imagery is interesting and the flow is really good. I don't feel like this is finished, though. I feel there could be more. I suggest you reread and see if you can to it. I'm curious as to the more this could have. Oh, so much more, indeed. <3
And now I really don't have anything more to say except that it's good, and with a few little fiddles, it could be even better. Despite this, I do like it so far, and that's a good thing. If you ever revise it or add to it, please let me know. I'll be sure to come back and read it again! This is an interesting little poem. Thanks for the poetry! I hope this review helps, somehow. ^^
Remember; keep it up and never stop writing!
~Scar. <3
I really enjoyed reading this interesting poem. I found it to be quite exhilarating and graceful with words. I believe in your skills as a writer and feel that you can do anything with your poetry. As long as you believe in your poetry, it will believe in you. Keep up the flow!