fragments

Hi Niteowl!!
I'm hanorah and I'll be reviewing your poem today!!
First of all, I loved what this poem was about, it's really smart and I can tell it was well thought through.
So my constructive critism:
You should capitalise the first letter in each sentence or else it doesent look right, apart from that it was good,Nice work!
~Keep writing!

This poem is beautiful. There, I said it. I needed to get that thought written down so you know how much I love this poem. I am here to review for team Fire Flower, but I don't think that should get in the way. My only issue is the second stanza, I don't really know why, but I believe it is the wording. To me, it seems a little awkward. I think you should 're-word that, then this poem would be perfect. It isn't about a tired subject, which means it is original, and that's great.
Lioness,

It's the Yubster here to Review this poem for you today, review day! I'm going to follow the YWS review day sandwich, meaning: Im going to start with the good stuff. (Please forgive me if there are a few mistakes. I am doing this review on a phone.). This poem is filled with simple statements that are perfected into a poem. Writing a poem about how there is a creative author behind every piece of poetry is ingenious. I especially loved the second stanza, talking about how mere phrases may be perceived as art when that's not what it really is. As well, that second stanza makes a clearer point being separated from the rest of the poem. Now, onto the nitpicks! In the second line on the second stanza, the wording is a little bit hard to follow. It is always up to the author, but I think that the entire poem would be so much better if the wording on that line was less confusing. Overall, this is one of the best poems I've seen for a while, the best since "Ode to a Circle" (look it up on YWS sometime). I always encourage everyone to keep writing, so..... Keep Writing! Have a wonderful day and don't be shy asking me for another review sometime! Happy Review Day! yubbies21

Hey there!

Alright, first off, I LOVED the topic! I always want to write about writing a poem, and it never ends well - this, though, was very nice! I love how you told us that a poem is only truly a poem when it has emotion, feeling - makes US feel! Now, on to a bit of critique - Your flow was slightly disrupted at times, which I only noticed when I re-read it a couple of times, so it's not too badly off. Your first four lines were very nice, they fit together well - and then once you hit the third stanza, it got a bit rocky, as the "it could kiss another line" seemed a bit forced, as though you really wanted to say something, but couldn't quite find the words. I do like how you tied it back to the first two stanzas with "but when is its story complete?", so nicely done there. Now, the last stanza is where I had the most issues - it kind of seemed like you tried to throw in a rhyme and it caused the entire flow to be thrown for a loop. "One haphazard thought does not a poem make" confused me a bit at first, as it seemed the words were out of order. Try "One haphazard thought does not make a poem" or something a bit smoother. "But chemistry holds" was fine, nothing to pick at there. "Lines and minds together" didn't really mesh with the other lines, I felt, as once more, it seemed like a forced rhymed/struggling for words. I would maybe re-work the entire last stanza.

Overall, I liked it!

~Epic

I was drawn here by your tagline. Quite frankly I love things that are meta. So, there was intrigue before I arrived, and it stuck around for the duration of my visit.

Stanza by stanza it is! Tally ho!

First line, first stanza.

"A poem cannot write itself"

Interesting. Why would a poem want to write itself? Why can't a poem write itself? I think those are the questions I asked myself, and that you are preparing to answer. Good start.

Second line, first stanza.

"for it doesn't know when to end."

If I were writing this (keep in mind that I am not) I would've likely used "does not" instead of "doesn't" since it reverberates a bit more. There is more finality in "does not" than in "doesn't" and "doesn't" sounds a bit slangy. They both work rhythmically, but I can see where you were going with the doesn't.

Also, you're starting to answer my questions. Good on ya. Here comes the meta, I assume.

Second stanza

a stanza lost in space--
art, or just a fragment?

Isn't that the dilemma? Poetry is seemingly as much about what we (as the poet) don't write as it is about what we do. So is that little space we left a piece of art or just another word lost in hopeless amateur poetic squalor? Well, that is the question isn't it. I very much enjoyed the simple way you went about conveying this message. The little double dash pause gives it a lot more oomph. Lost in space -- gives time for the reader to speculate. Well done.

If a poem were to attempt to write itself it would also be lost in space, with no seeming end or beginning. Meta outta control.

Third stanza.

It could lay in cold pages
or it could kiss another line
and blend into a poem
but when is its story
complete?

This. This stanza here makes your poem what it is. A poem can try for all it's might to write itself on cold pages, or it could attempt to chameleon itself onto another poem in the hopes of looking for what a poem needs, which are the two things you said next in reverse order. A complete story. It will always fail to write itself because it doesn't know when to end itself. Which is a human dilemma. Funny that poetry has so many mirror-like qualities. We do not know (at times) where the end is. Which speaks to something I read about called the immortality paradox. The immortality paradox explains that humans cannot see themselves not existing, but will of course die in the end (definition of a paradox). Since poetry is a reflection of human-ness. It stands to reason that poetry could not see an end to itself either.

Fourth stanza.

One haphazard thought
does not a poem make,
but chemistry holds
lines and minds together.

Here you complete your story. Stray thoughts are not poetry, rather they are ingredients in a chemical mixture that becomes poetry. A mixture that holds what we don't write together with what we do. Which then is capable of holding our minds to what has become art.

That my friend is a great nebulous billowing cloud full of meta.

I loved it.

Carry on.