Across the Sea

This was actually quite fun to read. The quantity of rhyme throughout set the pace. I think keeping this rhythm is very important for poems like this. And some bits jutted out and threw it off slightly, for example :-

"Come dance to me
across the sea. Dare
to be my greatest
man, this test you’ll
pass, lest you lose
my heart."

The first line worked really well, but the next line is too long and throws it off slightly. This may be a case of the structure being quite compact, which looks nice as all the lines are pretty much the same length but it means when you read it for the first time you lose that timing and you have to go back and read over it again. My favourite line was :-

"for why
should we cry about
and lie for those
we never chose. Please,
no rose needed dear,
just come near, and
never fear."

This whole chunk really sat nice. It feels like the entire poem in a nutshell, the theme of far away love resonating from it.

Hope this helps,

LMJ

Good job, I enjoyed reading this poem! This is really lovely. I liked how you made it rhyme, its not easy to make it rhyme in such a short poem.

But this part:
"Please,
no rose needed dear,
just come near, and
never fear."

I think there was a little bit too much rhyming in the verse xD
Other than that, great job!

this is a very heartfelt poem and I like the theme and the romantic setting of the sea.

Hey!!!!!!! Good attempt...went through the thing on the link...quite appreciable....

"Please,no rose needed dear,
just come near, and
never fear."

Love this line...In love, what you actually need is no laud nor gift...just the closeness and togetherness of the hearts matter....Good job!!!!!!

Thanks for the link

I just wanted to say well done because I did climbing rhyme in English last year and they're not easy to write! We'll done on this poem niteowl.