Young Writers Society

Heya, Niteowl, June here again,

I thoroughly enjoyed this piece for being everything I love about poetry -- it evokes a vivid image that we can picture for ourselves while still conveying emotion beautifully without becoming an unbearable cliche by overusing words and being stuffed filler lines. It tells a simple story of so much in so little words, and I applaud you for doing that so well, dear. The words you chose like "tossed", "dug", and "raw" contribute to a perfect allegory of summer and I can't think of any way to do it better in such a small amount of space.

I especially love the closing stanza, which, to me, is the most powerful portion of the entire poem because it is a perfect closing -- it doesn't drag, and it wraps the poem up so well. The use of "hurts" in the active tense implies a poor resolution to the scenario, but summarizes the poem quite well.

Two thumbs up. Keep writing; it's the only way to improve.

June

Hey! I loooove reviewing poems!

I got from Stanza to Stanza.

First Stanza: First a foremost, your formatting is amazing! I really like it, and I have only one serious suggestion. "with all caution tossed aside." I think adding the "with" works with the rhythm of the poem and would suggest you do so. I really thought it was interesting for you to say "Our love was like summer" It was a good simile and I thought it worked well. I would personally suggest that you talk a little more about how it was like summer. I know that some people (like me ) have limitations on how much they want to write at a certain work, and if that was what was going on for you then I get it, but if not then I suggest you add at least two more lines on how their love was like summer.

Second Stanza: "We dug into each other" hmmm...if this was meant in a romantic way, I would suggest you revise it. I think there are a million ways to talk of romance and kissing and whatnot, and "dug into each other" is not one I would advise. Also, It doesn't match with the sweet type of romance you introduced in your first stanza. This one is more of a rough sensual type thing that almost makes one go "What?" just because it doesn't fit after that first stanza. Maybe if you add more lines to the first stanza they could be the transition to that.
"shedding secrets on beach towels" well, I can't say much about this, but again I would suggest you revise the way you are describing this, it seems a bit off.
"as sand rubbed us raw," (this should be 12+) jk But anyways, this one could stay. But you could still use other things to lead up to this, but personally I don't think it's the gentle start we had.

Third Stanza: Why would the person try to wash the other off? Is this not love? Personally I think this last stanza was a bit strange. Especially the "and water only hurts me" that does not have to be there! I felt like that was a hasty ending and quite un-passionate or loving. And the ending usually impacts as much as the beginning, so that's something I would consider re-looking at.

So overall, I loved the first paragraph, was slightly taken aback by the second, and then was thrown off course at the third. But with that said your writing it good, and I would like to read more of your poems and review them!

~ Dream on!

Hey there Fellow Writer! Speakerskat here to review for The Tsunami Tyrants!

NaPo means what ?

Really describes a "summer fling" well, though I've never had any of thse, I watch movies

The last line really describes what happens when you get to attatched to a summer fling or "fall in love with them".

"I tried to wash you off,
but you're burnt in now
and water only hurts me. "

That really sunk deep in my mind, love hurts, I have yet to expirence anything but sorrow and heartbreak from it . (I'm talking about romance not famliy love)

I can only imagine how the person in your poem mut feel ;(
Keep it up
~Speakerskat

Hello Nite I a would have liked to do a review for you but this is short and it is very well done.