Young Writers Society

Hi rbt00,have a good day!Here is Dark to give review on your poem.

I like the concept of your poem though it looked simple and comfortable.I am not surrounded by any wonders nor confusion here.I like when you write a poem that is understandable and straight to the point.

I noticed that you use the word 'lost' to each stanzas to shows that you want to point up the main theme here.You have lost almost everything because of him(I thought it was him).

I cannot speak for I have 'lost' words,
I cannot walk for I have 'lost' hope,

I couldn't really get into the rhythm of the poem, not to say its bad it is actually good. When I was reading I was hoping that there would be some rhyming cause when I first seen they layout of your poem it looked like a couplet and I love couplets, but without the rhyming it makes the poem even more interesting, it gives you something to think about. Great job

Hello there!
It's review time!

Alright, so I like the poem and the emotion that was used. When I first saw the title, I thought that it was a break up poem. But I was pleased to see that it wasn't.
I just saw a few things...

"...for I have lost words,
For you have changed..."
You don't need the first "for." It's unneeded here.

"For you have changed paths & I am left wide struck."
I was a little confused here. I have never heard of "wide struck" before. don't know if it's a loosely used term/saying, but I don't think it works very well here.

I love the ending of this! It was an amazing way to end the poem.

Overall, this was done exceptionally well! I can't wait to see more from you!

Hey there, Cailey here with a review on this fine rainy day.

I like that you have a short poem with a lot in it, and I love how much emotion you put into this piece. It's definitely an emotional poem and I like that in many ways I can identify with the narrator. I also liked that you write for instead of because, since that just adds a more formal touch to the poem and makes it different than some cliché breakup poems. Actually, I really like that this doesn't need to be a break up poem. It's just about loss in general, or can be, at least.

One thing I think you could work on, though, is making a clearer connection between the first and second lines of each stanza.

The first one fits all right, since it makes sense that bewilderment would lead to speechlessness.

But the second one. What does someone leaving have to do with not being able to walk? For that matter, what does walking have to do with hope?

And the third, why would betrayal lead to not thinking? Why would someone changing paths make another person lose sleep? Why would changing lead to unhappiness?

Some of these make more sense than others, and for all of them you can see a connection, but you have to look closely and some of them are a little bit of a stretch. I would suggest finding a way to make each line, and even each phrase, fit together really way in a clear and concise way.

A few other small details that stood out to me. "Wide struck" what exactly does that mean? That line just threw me off because it didn't make any sense to me.
In the last two stanzas you write changed paths and then changed. Those are kind of repetitive and it would be best if you could find another way to word that.

I think that's everything I noticed. Again, I liked the theme and I think you did a great job at fitting emotion in there. In fact, as I noticed when I read it again, the emotion grows throughout the poem, from speechlessness to insomnia to depression. It's really cool how you did that.

Overall, nice job. Let me know if you need anything or have any questions or whatever. And as always, keep writing.

Sphealwithit here, Happy review day


Hope the following helps.

The use of the & symbol makes it seemed rushed and it reads too fast.
You said 'for you have betrayed' I think it would be better if you said 'Betrayed me'


Other than that I see no problems. Keep up the good work

Sphealwithit.... out

Knight Dragon, here to review!

"...for I have lost words,
For you have changed..."
Two "for"s so close together felt off. It was like you were explaining something, but then you had to explain the explanation. I see that's

"For you have gone & I am all done.", shouldn't it be "undone"?

"I cannot think for I have lost mind,", I realize you're trying to keep the same number of syllables but it's just really awkward to read through that and mentally insert a 'my', and then not have one.

"For you have changed paths & I am left wide struck.", what does "wide struck" mean?

"For you have changed & I am broken without you.", I felt like this should have been "For you have left..." That's what I was expecting it to end like.

I felt like you were so close to the final poem. Everything just felt off by a slight amount, like someone had taken it and tipped it just a hair too far in several directions.

Hope this helps!