Young Writers Society

Wow! I love this piece - it is so maniacal yet fun at the same time.
First of all, I like your hook. The rhyming is excellent at the beginning of this poem.
I do, however, offer a few suggestions.

"A lot about me yet to be discovered."
Maybe tweak this to "A lot about me is yet to be discovered." I don't think it disrupts the flow of your poem if you change it, and I think it just makes more sense to readers.

"It seems lame of me, / to write something nuts."
I'm not a fan of your use of the word "nuts" here - seems too colloquial in comparison to the rest of the piece. You could just say "to write something so crazy". Again, just a thought.

"Sometimes I am lame / and sometimes totally insane."
Rhyming is too forced here.

"'Cause Im jocose and jaunty / And I like the way it is."
You started with I AM jocose and jaunty - not I'm. So I would stick to I am.

Overall, I really like this piece. Excellent work - it speaks to the twisted part of my mind!

I like the rhyme.
I know that sounds weird, but I have read way too many poems that do not rhyme. So thank you.
I like how you include all the names people might call you.
I like how The lines and pretty much the whole poem are fairly short. I like to read short poems because my mind moves very fast, zooming to do or read the next thing.
All in all, it was an awesome read.
herby

pssst! shift-enter to only jump down one line instead of two! ^^

I like the way you did this. Well done.

Just a few quick things!

"Alot about me yet to be discovered"
A lot is two separate words. Also, the word is should be between me and yet.

"Cause 'm jocose and jaunty"
You missed the I in I'm.

Besides that, there's not really anything else I see wrong. I hope to see more from you.

More reviews from the Dragon!!!!

Technique time!
"Alot about me yet to be discovered./Laughing my passion/And jumping my fashion." These three lines really threw me. "Alot" should be "a lot", and the "yet to be discovered" just felt rough. "Laughing my passion/And..." I think you should have "Laughing is my../jumping is my..." It just flows better that way.

"'Cause 'm jocose and jaunty". Your " 'm" needs to be "I'm".

Other minor picky things I could say that would just be preference things, such as the last line's wording: I would have done "And I like it that way." Now, there's nothing wrong with what you said in the last line; that's just not how I would have done it. But that's me and not you. So good job otherwise.

Hope this helps!